Showing posts with label boyfriend. Show all posts
Showing posts with label boyfriend. Show all posts

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

The Maid - Excessive Baggage + + (3)

I was at the maid agency three Saturdays ago with Suri*.
No, not to send her back, but I needed her feedback for a maid whom she can work with, for My Mother, who is closing in to 80-years old.

Although doctor gave My Mother a clean bill of health, but normal mobility is sometime handicapped.
Age is fast catching up on her.
Now, she had decided to stay at any of Her Children's houses.
But Her Daughters, except Me, will be in school in the day.
So, the only option is to get a minder to accompany Her.
The Grandchildren are either working or in schools too.

After the selected biodatas of maids willing to look after the aged, I passed to Suri.
She rejected all, except one. 

"Kenapa yang itu saja?" I asked Suri.

"Saya pilih yang dari Demak atau Pati saja. Biar Nyai senang bicara."

Brilliant girl!
I had never think of it.
My Mother's Maternal side from Pati and her father from Demak, both in Central Java.
It just so happened that Suri is from Demak too.

Alas, the maid she selected, from Pati, is still in Jakarta.
She will only be available in a month's time, that is, if she pass her test.

There was a transfer maid from Pati, but the first impression said, better not ask her to work.
Her weak and pale look said she should be having a long, good rest. 
True enough, she was returned for the third time, all being sick while at work.

Very rare can we find a maid from Demak, being the province having enough for all, according to the agency's boss, Madam Sarah*

A month, too long the wait.
For reasons known to us, Madam Sarah would also prefer us to have a maid from Central Java too.
We had no other choice but to end up choosing another available transfer maid from Surabaya.

If given the choice, the maid from Surabaya will not want to work for the elderly.
Willing or not to be with elderly, the feeling can be nurtured, said Suri.

Before Suri entered into My Sister's household, she knew she will not want if asked to work for elderly too. But because of filial piety, nature took its course.
Before she realised, great concern for My Mother developed naturally in Suri*.

******
"Ini Suri*?" Asked Madam Sarah.  

"Ya, Bu," she replied.

Madam Sarah had failed to recognise Suri, one of her maids, after a lapse of five years.
She realised the total transformation of the girl since five years ago.
She does not look like a maid, nor look Indonesian.
She looks 100% Singaporean, with ordinary youngster's dressing.

Seeing Suri had made her day, said Madam Sarah.
The sight of Suri that night assured her of a good night sleep.

Earlier, for the whole day, Madam Sarah was plagued with a problematic maid.
The whole day she was attending to a maid, whom she said, pushed away good luck.
The maid was about to finish her two-year contract when she was asked to continue her service.
The two toddlers she looked after, four and two-years old, are too attached with her.

The maid laid down her term for extension.
She needs off days, which the employer agreed, for the toddlers' sake.

The employer was at her working place when she received a police call.
She was asked to pick her maid at the police station.
She thought nothing of it, just some innocent offence of littering, she told herself.

But her domestic worker gave her the shock of her life - She was caught with a Bangladeshi man in a very compromising act at the beach not far from her house.
The employer was then shown the maid's handphone by the police.
It shocked her more - Her intimate photos with a male.

Worst shock of all, the four and two-years old toddlers were locked at home.
Just the two of them, to fend for themselves.

****** 

Pregnant Indonesian Maid Leapt To Her Death

A pregnant Indonesian maid took her own life when she became emotionally upset that her married boyfriend refused to break off with his girlfriend in Batam, a coroner's court heard.

Anis Dwi Rianawati had asked her 45-year-old Malaysian boyfriend to choose between her and his girlfriend in Batam hours before her death.

Her boyfriend requested time to think about it. During their long conversation at his place on Oct 24 last year, Rianawati, 29, had swallowed some health supplements belonging to her boyfriend, who stopped her and kept patting her back to get her to throw out.

Anis lost consciousness for a while and when she came to, he tried to stop her from leaving as he was afraid that she would do something foolish. But Anis managed to get a cab back to her employer's apartment block in Meyer Road. He drove there and called her down to talk things over. She again insisted that he call his girlfriend in Batam but he refused. She tried to call her but there was no response.

She then threatened to take her own life. Her boyfriend followed her into the lift and she threatened to jump when the lift reached the 20th floor. They got to the ground floor and she ran out.

When he found her near the guard house, she again asked him to call his girlfriend to break up with her, but he ignored her and left. That was the last time Anis was seen alive.

Source: The Jakarta Globe - February 7, 2011

******

A month into her job as domestic worker in July 2008, 24-year old Umi Umiroh from West Java, was plagued by dreams of a crying baby in her employer's semi-detached house.
She did not understand why.

She told her friends about her dreams the next day.
She usually met them at Ling Kwang Home in Serangoon Gardens, the old age home, where she took her employer's mother for therapy sessions twice a week.

They said thing that shocked her - It was the ghost of the previous maid's baby that haunted her.
Later that day, while trimming grass in the garden, she smelled something foul.
Remembering what her friends had said, she related her fears to her employer, Patricia Goh.

The bombshell was dropped - Kirun*, the previous domestic worker, had given birth to a baby.
She then allegedly killed it and buried it in the garden of the two-storey semi-detached house.

A police report was made that same night.
The next day at about 9am, the police, accompanied by four sniffer dogs, spent three hours in the garden. Then the uniform personnel was seen digging up something buried about 15cm deep into the soil.
It was wrapped with a yellow batik cloth.

Some small bones were recovered and analysed by the Health Science Authority.
The baby had allegedly been born prematurely.
It was not known when the baby was buried and no foul smell came from the garden.

None of Patricia's family members had any idea that Kirun was pregnant.
She was always seen wearing loose-fitting batik dresses or oversized T-shirts.

Kirun, married with two children, was employed by Patricia's younger brother in June 2006.
The siblings live with their elderly parents in their house along Hillside Drive.

Kirun's main job was to take the siblings' 82-year-old mother to Ling Kwang Home in Serangoon Gardens, for physiotherapy sessions twice a week.
She had been disabled for three years after suffering a stroke.
They would take a taxi to reach the home, a facility for the elderly, spending about seven hours from 8.30am to 3pm.
Kirun went back to her hometown in Surabaya, Indonesia, on 22nd of June.
.
Umi Umiroh arrived at Ms Goh's house on 6th June, spent two weeks with Kirun before she returned home. Umi was employed because Kirun's contract with them had ended.

It was at the Ling Kwang Home that Umi heard from other maids about Kirun and her premature baby.
She heard from their mutual friends, domestic workers too, about Kirun's confession.
She told her friends she had secretly given birth to a premature baby girl in the toilet of her employer's house. She was allegedly about seven months pregnant at the time.
She did not know what to do with the baby, so she just killed her, and later buried in the backyard.

Occasionally, according to Patricia, Kirun tend to be rude and talked back.
Desite being grumpy, she completed the household chores.
The incident reminded Patricia when she saw Kirun boiling water with ginger to drink.
Perhaps she was nursing a cold, or she could have just given birth then.

The siblings were not strict with Kirun.
She was given Sundays off whenever she asked for them.

******

Kirun, before her departure, had told Umi that she had at least two boyfriends in Singapore.

When asked about her boyfriend, Kirun told Umi about having an abortion after being pregnant for three months.
The aborted baby had been fathered by the Bangladeshi boyfriend.

A week after the chat, Umi saw Kirun taking post-natal jamu (herbs).
Umi asked her if she was pregnant, as she was concerned about Kirun spending time with her boyfriend. Before she met her Bangladeshi boyfriend, she was seeing a Myanmar national.
Kirun was able to meet the men while waiting for the therapy sessions at the old age home to end.

Umi told her not to do indecent things since she has a husband and two teenage children back home.
Umi told her not to be crazy by becoming pregnant, as she would get kicked out of Singapore.
Kirun shrugged the reminder off.
She had relationship with her Bangladeshi boyfriend who gave her $10 each time they met.

Three days before Kirun left Singapore, she took Umi out to meet her Bangladeshi boyfriend, who asked her to be his girlfriend after Kirun returned home.

Umi Umiroh had left her own baby in the care of her parents to come to work in Singapore.
Her husband died in a car accident a year ago when she was six months' pregnant with their first child.

She never thought such a nice person like Kirun, would have not only an abortion, but went so far as to kill her own living baby.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

The Maid - Excessive Baggage + +

Maids: Not All Employers At Fault

AKHLILY FARHANA HAZIZAN, Shah Alam, Selangor

I REFER to the letter "We must start to treat them better" (NST, Feb 8) from M.S. on the treatment of maids. I agree with what M.S. said but sometimes, even with care and love, maids still tend to run away or do something that might be troublesome for employers.

I know of a family which trusted their maid and treated her like family. They allowed her to go out on weekends, own a handphone and even meet her relatives who were staying in Malaysia.

Despite all the love they gave her, one morning she ran away with a man soon after her employers went to work, leaving their 5-year-old daughter alone at home. The family members were devastated because they could not believe that the maid had the heart to do such a thing to them. The 5-year-old missed the maid so much that she had fever for about a week.

My point is, no matter how strong the bond that has developed between an employer and an employee, there is still a possibility that the employee might act up. How well you treat your maid does not matter if she does not appreciate the love.

We always see the problem coming from the employer's side. What about the maid? Maids are humans too. They also make mistakes. Therefore, we should not blame employers entirely. I have heard of many cases similar to the one above.

Most maids who cause problems are in the age group of 25 and below. I think they lack the maturity to be maids. Also, it is at this age that they are likely to get caught up in love which might end in them running away with their boyfriends.

The legal age to work as a maid in Malaysia is 25 and above. However, agencies always promote and supply maids who are younger. Most of my friends have maids aged 20 to 25.

I am curious as to how such young maids are able to bypass Immigration and work in Malaysia.

My experience shows that older maids are more reliable. The older they are, the better they are at housework; they are also more hardworking. The younger ones are good too, but once they start to mingle with other foreign workers, quality of their work drops.

I have always had problems with young maids. The worst was when my maid started to sneak her boyfriend into my house.

Employers should not be the one who always get criticised when it comes to maid issues. Maids have to respect their employers and earn their trust. With this, it would be easier for employers to treat them like family.

Source: New Straits Times - February 27, 2011

******

Maid issues will never end.
When maids enter the household, we need to train them.
But for how long?

If they are newcomers, inexperience maids, do not know how to use modern appliances, be prepared to take several months to train them up to your expectations.
Be prepared too, for constant replacement for the appliances being mishandled.
Some maids do not even know how table should be laid.
I've encountered many working mothers who lamented their maids had taken up all their leaves. They needed  officail familiarisation with their working place and duties.

Even then, some maids, with their 'own initiative', would only sweep, mopping and vacuuming some parts of the floor, scrub some parts of the toilet and wipe some parts of the windows.
Meticulous house owners definitely 'jump' seeing these performance.

Some mothers, despite having maids, especially those mothers with phobia to constant replacement of washing machines, stoves, kettles and other electrical appliances, still have to do their own washing beside other house works.
Other additional duties for them are to switch off the electrical appliances all the time.

Many maids are known to be forgetful creatures, keep forgetting how certain things should be done, to the extend of employers almost 'babysitting’ them all the time.
New mothers and mothers in confinement can be at their wit ends - two babies to look after at one go.

The maids?
General house-works - cleaning the house, hang to dry the clothing and ironing.

Some employers have to bear with maids of mild mental retardation.
Some of them are known to be fond of singing their hearts out despite odd hours, some smile at the most inappropriate time, and some talk to the walls.

Worst still, these mothers must be mentally prepared at all times their maids might not adjust themselves into the household.
If these maids are young, first timer away from their family, working in foreign land, does not speak your language, some communication by means of sign language, can they adjust overnight?
Some missed their mother, and simply asked to be sent home after a few days work.

Counselling usually bear no fruit, as these 'children-at-heart maids' missed the environment of their close knitted family and their mothers' cooking.
The memory occupied their minds.
Homesick can turn them to be fierce, affecting them mentally too, thus affecting their performance.
They can appear more dreamy and more forgetful.
Their minds are elsewhere, not in their heads.
They can stare at objects for hours.
They have blank looks.
They can be totally, really blur, in their dream world.
Can vigorous shaking wake them up?

******

An experienced maid will usually cut down training time as they are familiar with house duties.
But they can be bossy, laughing at you.
Some knows they have every right to talk back, can engage in "war of words", can vent their anger or displeasure by banging doors.
Worst to think scenario are employers with small kids.

These maids tend to be street smart and street wise, always on the lookout for new pastures.
Some of them possess fiery tongues.
Some others, good at badmouthing, able to send rifts among family members and relatives.

******

M.S. wrote, since Indonesia has stopped sending its maids to Malaysia, temporary maids are being hired out for up to RM1,500 each.
Agencies are the ones making the mega-bucks.
M.S. suggested it is time to re-look our treatment of maids, are they being treated as family by employers?
How many employers allow their Christian maids a day off for Christmas?
How many employers allow their Muslim maids a day off for Hari Raya?
I know of employers who were happy to allow the maids a day off, and even those with babies were willing to sacrifice so that their maids could go out for Christmas.
The maids were happy because their religion was accepted.
They had the opportunity to spend Christmas away from their workplace.
Do we care enough to show the maids that we trust them?

F.N.did trust her maid then.
She took her out shopping.
On Hari Raya, they spent the whole day, had typical Raya lunch and dinner, and gave her maid a day off for Hari Raya last year.
But, she came back pregnant.

Further, M.S. wrote, let her have a handphone from the first day. 
Work on trust and warmth.

F.N. did give a handphone to her maid - The maid was provided with easy access contacting her boyfriends. She even went out in the middle of the night when the family was all asleep, returning at 5am.

******

In one of the household in Malaysia, the female employer found out that the maid was pregnant.
The maid refused to reveal the father's identity.
Since the maid has had no opportunity to leave the house on her own, the first person whom the employer suspected was naturally her husband.
The wife felt hurt and cheated.
But the husband denied the accusation.
Verbal fights broke out between the couple.
The relationship deteriorated and the wife demanded divorce.

Their teenage son, all along, felt incredibly guilty - For creating the whole mess, the misunderstanding, the rift he caused, and the pending divorce.
He said everyday after school, when he was alone at home with the maid, she would seduced him.
He easily fell victim to her seductions - and got her pregnant.
The parents promptly paid off the maid.
She was sent her back to Indonesia.

******

A very good friend caught her husband having an affair with their maid in the maid's room.
She confronted them, and was severely beaten.
She forgave him, and the affair continued.
She ignored the black chapter in her life.
She look forward to the ever expending food business.

That maid wasn't their first, so naturally suspecting this particular maid having an affair with her husband was never in my friend's mind.
But surprisingly, the husband had been behaving very awkwardly since the first day of her arrival.
He confessed to have voluntarily given her several thousand RM on few occasions.
That's beside the almost daily RM50.
The maid was terminated.

Although my good  friend and her husband are still together, she had lost total trust in him. 
Her eight children are all on her side. 
Now, she guards not the husband, but the flourishing food business which she built from scratch.

******

After two months of her maid brought in her boyfriend,she caught them red-handed in her house.
Neighbours had hinted to her.
But true to their guess, she will not believe them.
She was very close to the maid - She had full trust in her.
It was only after she returned home unannounced, at 3pm.
The maid was immediately sent back to the agent.

******

Some mothers, only after installing CCTVs, did they realise that their maids were tv addicts, especially the many Indonesian sinetrons on Astro.
Wost still, the CCTV showed some mothers their toddlers were pushed to the walls for misbehaved.
(to be continued)