The Maid - Boyfriending @ Geylang (2)

The suggestion of granting domestic helpers a rest day every week has literally made many employers jumped.

Singapore was among 63 voters which abstained from voting on the new International Labour Organisation convention in Geneva from granting domestic workers greater protection from exploitation.

Yet Madam Halimah Yacob, the Minister of State for Community Development, Youth and Sports said Singapore should consider legislation that makes employers give their domestic helpers a weekly rest day.

She said giving maids their weekly offdays might help to minimise stress and overwork issues.
They are just like other workers who need to rest, should not be made to work excessive hours that could affect their health and well-being.

Madam Halimah expressed hope that Singapore would 'take stock of its laws and policies and progressively make changes' to be in line with the convention since the country takes its international obligations seriously.

The Ministry of Manpower (MOM) in the meantime, is reviewing the call for the government to implement a weekly rest day as MOM recognises the benefits of rest days to the well-being and productivity of foreign domestic maids.
It will consult with various stakeholders including employers, employment agencies and non-governmental organisations.
Members of the public are advised to email their views and suggestions to mom_fmmd@mom.gov.sg.

MOM would continue to review the rights and responsibilities of employers and workers, and would sign the new treaty when it was sure it could implement it here.

******

Should the suggestion turn into law?
Then it becomes one size law fits all employers' policies.

Imagine getting paid at least six times higher than back home...
Free lodging, amenities, food, toiletries ...
Free weekends...
Free compulsory six-monthly medical check up...
Free return home with air ticket paid for...

Can't imagine what's the next best thing in life beside free...

******

Although it cannot be denied that some of these maids were abused and some tend to overwork, but not all of them are squeezed dry of their energy.

While their government impose all kinds of rule for their 'daughters' welfare working abroad, but bear in mind, we also travel to their country, went to their households to see first hand, how their 'daughters' in their own country are usually the lesser mortal.

******

Those with domestic helpers in their house, should know why.
Those with helpers for many years, know it best.

Although some Indonesian house-helpers have no off day, their nationality are all over the island.
They will often meet and get together with other domestic workers while sending and fetching their employers' children to schools.

I had once came across newspaper article, reminding these domestic helpers, not to take up the whole area of available spot at mosques while waiting for their employers' kids in kindergartens.
That shows their big presence.

Once, a six-year old came up to Me, saying he was absent from class the day before, because his father suddenly wanted to return home.
Upon opening the front door, the maid was asked to put on her clothing in her room, while the Bangladeshi man, who was then doing the painting job at his block, remained at the hall.
The boy claimed he could see the Bangladeshi's legs...

******

My friend had a hard time telling her maid not to feed her baby, of all place, at the bus-stop.
My friend was not too sure what the maid was up to, but given her friendly nature...

Some employers always want to be different from the rest.
They often feel sorry for their maids' living condition back home.
Thus they wanted to provide the best for their employees.

But it is not few employers that their trust were betrayed, their sympathy exploited.
Especially when these maids are provided with handphones, and they are unable to self control of using and abusing it.
The phone is a great distraction.
And even without off days, these maids can still managed to get boyfriends.

******

A brother had no other choice except to get a helper when his wife met an accident.
The helper's main duty was to look after their six children, especially the youngest, who was less than two years old then.

The helper, married with children, claimed did no know how to cook despite being married with children in Indonesia, and in her late 30s.
The brother cooked whatever he could for his family.

But there was once, when he was in a hurry to go to work, that he just put aside the ingredients for the helper to fry rice.
He did not believe his wife when told that the garlic and onion used was not peeled off the skin...

Luckily he believed his own eyes and ears when at his in-laws' place, the maid went downstairs to make a phone call to his wife's younger brother, wanting to know the young man better...

******

Suri* was given the choice of enjoying her once a month off day outside home, or be paid to stay home during her off day.
She chose the latter.

But in the end, she get to go out every weekends for the whole day attending classes in Orchard Road.
Every Ramadhan, she went to the mosque alone nightly for her terawih.

She had travelled to many states in Malaysia.
She had been to Batam, China and Thailand.
And, she is one of the 88% Indonesian domestic helpers who do not enjoy their off days.

Who cares?
She did not care.
She could not be bothered too.

Not all employers are without sympathy.
And employers who trust their maids, they can make a wise decision concerning off days.

But to make compulsory and lawful weekend offdays, the government is waging more social ills in our already colourful society.

******

A survey by non-governmental organisations here has found that few Indonesian maids get days off, with only 38 per cent having at least one day off a month. This is in contrast to 85 per cent of Filipino maids getting at least one day off a month. -- PHOTO: COURTESY OF MUNIFAH

Those employers who had experience enough nonsense brought by their one after another problematic maids would definitely choose to OFF the OFF day.
The risk is simply too high.

Most employers treat their maids well.
Despite that, give these workers an inch, they expect a foot.
Before long, they jolly well demand a yard.

******

An acquaintance's Indonesian maid was given once a month off day, just like her friends from her home village.

But there was once, she was requested not to take or to postpone her off day, as it was the first day of Hari Raya. 
Better for her celebrating the festival with the family and usually, she will receive packets of monies from relatives.

But the maid, in her 30s, with children back home, insisted as she had planned a picnic at Sentosa.
If all her friends can have their off day, why not her?

But all her friends were working for Chinese families.

After all, it was not appropriate to celebrated the first day of Hari Raya at the beach.

******

Imagine...
A just arrived maid is given her off day in her first week.
She goes out looking for friends...

Big groups of migrant workers, men and women gathering at shopping centres on weekends, the government must really think of the social impact and its consequences. 

Just walk down Peninsula Plaza in North Bridge Road, a favourite spot for Myanmar, Lucky Plaza in Orchard Road for Filipinos, the Little Thailand Golden Mile Complex at Beach Road, Katong Shopping Centre at Mountbatten Road for Chinese national and City Plaza at Geylang. 

All these foreign workers just know where is the next best spot to spend in Singapore beside working place.

******

I was once asked by a Batam friend to find her niece living in Lampung, on the southern tip of Sumatra that borders Bengkulu, who had worked in Singapore for four years. 
She called her mother staying in their village, informing her she worked in Bukit Merah. 

My Batam friend believed her niece was being abused and tortured as that was the only upon arrival call she ever made. 
She insisted since we are the best of friend, sure I will 'save' her niece by knocking at every doors at all the blocks of flats in Bukit Merah. 

To show her that indeed we are the best of friend, her persistent request led Me to bring her here to see things with her own eyes, as did not believe that Singapore law is always pro-maids rather than their employers.

Media reports on Indonesian maids are quick to report about abuse, violence and death.
So stories of these girls and women of not only meeting friends, but boyfriends, are but all sounds alien and great distant away from her.

Singaporean females to her, are all bossy, fierce lots and proud of themselves, including Myself.
We are just too proud being Singaporeans.
That's the reason to her, why there are many Singapore men buying terrace houses around her residence, staying with their young Indonesian wives.

Yes, I used to see households in her neighbourhood was usually void of men on weekdays.
Not only daytime, but nighttime too.
But come weekends, Singaporean husbands aplenty in her neighbourhood.

She even encouraged Me to get a house opposite hers, since we are the best of friend...

******

I fetched her from Batam to go to Bukit Merah on one Sunday last year.
We went to a playground.

She was taken for an initial shock seeing all maids with handphones gathering together while waiting for children at play.
A number of them were with fast texting fingers and some with ear pieces.

She went to them asking for her niece but nobody ever heard her name before.

She asked them if was possible for her to find her niece in one of the households.
One of them said, she must be out of her mind - Walking a block of flat is like walking around a whole village in Indonesia.
She was asked to count how many blocks were, just in front of her...

******

We then took a taxi to City Plaza, a hotspot for Indonesians, since about five years ago.
I requested the driver to drive slowly, and to make double turning around the shopping centre.

City Plaza was like a shopping centre in Jakarta to my friend.

These mostly domestic helpers, supposed to be simple-minded, many were all dolled-up, with make-up, and many were with revealing clothing with jewellery.
She realised, these Indonesians are not up to innocently nothing with their what she think of them, being simple- minded.

They were transformers.
They went all out for their elaborate physical transformation. 

Most sit on the steps or grass patches outside the mall to chat or having a picnic with their friends and male Bangladeshi construction workers.
She was told, male workers from Indonesia, Myanmar, and Sabah frequent the place too.

Their public behaviour awed my Batam friend and left her speechless.

She went up to few maids who were standing around in the nearby shopping place, Tanjong Katong Complex.
She asked them of their feelings after leaving families behind.
Many answered, although they missed them, but there was not much they can do.
They have to stay focus in their job, and own families back home could not swayed their minds.

Some preferred not to return home even after their three to seven years in Singapore.
Some even claimed families had faded in their memories.

Some sent home part of their salary, and a few she talked to, had broken their links.

******

We then walked pass Lion City Hotel.

I told my Batam friend, it was at the traffic light in front of the hotel that when I was waiting for the green man to cross the road, I saw an Indonesian woman crossing the road from Tanjong Katong Complex, outstretched her right hand to shake hand an old man directly in front of Me.

The man was shocked when the woman's left hand went behind his waist, holding him tight.
I stopped Myself from crossing the road, to see what she will do to the man.
He was then led to a bench in front of Lion City Hotel where the woman talked softly into his ears, and he kept nodding his head, with her left hand remained tightly behind the man's waist...

******

We then walked in front of the Haig Road Hawker Centre.

Although social divider with locals is strictly enforced by the law, forbidding foreign maids from marrying Singaporeans, we saw many old Malay men, chico pek men with Indonesians...  
These Indonesians did stand out, their facial features and dressing gave way from local residents.

Just too bad that Haig Road lies between Joo Chiat and Geylang.
Haig Road has been attracting seedy characters for quite some time.
Bad influence had crept in.
The housing estate has earned a reputation among foreigners too.

There is the open display of affection showing how bold these women can be.
Sometimes, residents can even catch occasional illicit, passionate moments in full view...

Just walk across behind it, Joo Chiat, many Indonesians were standing around the hotel wall although solicitors for prostitution can be fined up to S$1,000 or jailed up to six months.
They enticed local men and... youths.
Now, some refers it as ‘Little Batam’.

The nearby Joo Chiat Complex, especially the nearby eating place behind it, is a favorite spot for old, old local men and their young foreign partners.
I used to pass there, never fail to purposely staring at these old, old men with their odd partners.
These old, old men did not mind letting these as young as their daughters and granddaughters to sit on their lap...

******

The seeing is believing, been there, seen up close of not all maids in Singapore are facing what's printed in papers, led to many more trip of My Batam friend to Singapore.
And she kept exploring Geylang and its neighbourhood.

She knew now, being housemaids in Singapore is not about working 24/7.
She knew now, maids have had their own lifestyle to maintain. 

She get to know of married maids having relationship with Bangladeshi workers.
She get to know maids from her own country having affairs with multiple Singaporean partners who could support them, providing them cash, topping-up their phonecards...

******

Then, one day, My good Batam friend said she wanted to become a study mama.
She wanted her eldest daughter to study here.

I reminded her sternly, since we are the best friend, she is not allowed to appear at any of My Siblings' doors should one day, she truly become a study mama...

Yes, Singaporean females are all bossy, fierce lots and proud of themselves, including Myself.
We are just too proud being Singaporeans...

The best of friend indeed...

The Maid - Unholy Acts In The Holiest Place (14)

Another Indonesian maid dies in S. Arabia 
Mustaqim Adamrah

“Sister, I’m sick. I cannot stop vomiting blood. If I die, please do me a favor. I entrust father and mother to you.”

It was the last text message from 18-year-old Ernawati binti Sujono Konderin, an Indonesian migrant worker in Saudi Arabia, sent to her family on Jan. 26 before her final contact by the phone with her older sister, Yenni Larasati, on Feb. 1.

“I was really sad when reading her fi nal text message. I rushed to Jakarta on Jan. 31 from Tanjung Pinang [Riau Islands] to report Ernawati’s situation to the Foreign Ministry,”
Yenni said on Tuesday in a press conference at Migrant CARE Headquarters.

“On Feb. 1, [Ernawati] said over the phone that her employer’s son had tried to rape her. She was crying. After that, there were no more calls or text messages from her.”

Yenni said Ernawati was forced to kneel while her employer often slapped, punched, kicked, threw things at her or whipped her with a hose.
The employer’s lover allegedly followed suit.
She never received her salary, Yenni added.

Ernawati died on Feb. 10, 10 days after Yenni filed the report, from injuries allegedly sustained from physical abuse at the hands of her employer and his lover, according to Yenni.

“Every time I asked a ministry employee about my report, they told me it was still being processed — until my sister’s co-worker called our family on Feb. 10, saying she had died.”

Yenni said she was finally convinced of her sister’s death on Feb. 13, when someone at a hospital called her on Ernawati’s cell phone after Yenni’s numerous text messages and phone calls went unanswered.

“The guy at the other end said there was an Indonesian who had died and had been at the hospital for three days. I got all this information on my own, not from the ministry or the embassy,” Yenni said.

In a letter the Indonesian Ambassador to Saudi Arabia, Gatot Abdullah Mansyur, sent in February to the foreign minister, the manpower and transmigration minister and the head of the National Agency for Placement and Protection of Indonesian Migrant Workers (BNP2TKI), he said that the Al-Muntazah police in Hail had received a report about an Indonesian migrant worker who was being treated for swallowing rat poison.

“How can the ministry and the embassy say my sister died from rat poison while at the same time they tell me an autopsy on her body is about to begin?” Yenni said.

She also said the ministry and the embassy insisted they could not reach Ernawati’s workplace in time because it was in Hail, 700 kilometers from the embassy.

“Was it really that hard to get there? I flew from Tanjung Pinang, more than a thousand kilometers from Jakarta, to seek justice and it took only one hour and 20 minutes,” she said.

“Had they immediately followed up on my report and evacuated my sister, she might still alive now.”

Foreign Ministry spokesman Michael Tene and the director for legal aid and protection of Indonesian nationals overseas, Tatang Budie Utama Razak, could not be reached for comment.

University of Indonesia international relations expert Hariyadi Wirawan said embassy staff did not arrive in time possibly due to diplomats’ reluctance to travel that distance or a lack of financial and human resources.

Only two weeks ago, an Indonesian maid named Ruyati binti Satubi was beheaded by Saudi authorities after being convicted of murdering her employer, who had mistreated her.

President Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono met Saudi Arabian Ambassador to Indonesia Abdulrahman Mohammed Amen al-Khayyat at the latter’s request at the State Palace on Tuesday.

However, instead of expressing displeasure, Yudhoyono hailed Saudi Arabia for “giving aid” to an Islamic organization.

Migrant CARE executive director Anis Hidayah said she had reported the ministry, the embassy and the BNP2TKI to the Ombudsman Commission, which receives complaints of poor public service, for alleged “negligence that led to Ernawati’s death”.

Source: The Jakarta Post - June 30, 2011

****** ****** ******

Divorcee Ruyati binti Satubi became a migrant worker for the first time in 1999.
She returned to Saudi Arabia again and worked for six years.

Her children asked her to change her mind when she was about to leave for the third time.
She was adamant of not wanting to see her three children facing bleak future.
One of them is in nursing school.
And she wanted to buy her son a car.

She insisted to fly to the Holy Land seeking fortune yet again, only to meet bitterness.
After a year and four months, she was beheaded.

From information that the family gathered, the grandmother of seven was tortured a lot from the very beginning of employment.
She had broken her leg during the initial three months, because of torture.
She was not admitted to hospital, but was treated by one of her employer’s children was a doctor.

Although Ruyati was a victim of violence by her employer, during trial, Ruyati confessed murdering 64-year old Khairiyah Majlad on 12 January, 2010.

She was not paid her three-months salary of SR 2400 despite being asked many times.
She was found guilty of of ruthlessly killing her employer, by repeatedly stabbing her.

For her offense, the 54-year old housemaid was executed by decapitation in Saudi Arabia.
One more Indonesian worker was beheaded in Saudi Arabia, on June 18, 2011.

The Indonesian embassy had not been advised beforehand about the execution.
The government saw the beheading as an unfair decision.
The execution over Ruyati is a great shock for many, irritated a lot of parties.

Migrant Care, an NGO that works for the rights of Indonesian migrant workers stressed that the government has failed to protect its citizen.
It had earlier reminded the government about Ruyati’s legal process in March 2011.

But the government denied it had been slow in preventing the decapitation penalty.
The execution has left Yudhoyono's government on the defensive as critics said there was not enough protection for Indonesian workers overseas.

Indonesia had summoned the Saudi envoy to express its "disappointment and deep regret" over the execution.

"We respect their legal system, but in this case, we feel they have failed to fulfil the Geneva convention on how to interact among countries," Teuku Faizasyah, the presidential spokesman for international affairs told Reuters.

"(The Saudi government) are being disrespectful of convention, they should have informed the embassy on any occurrence involving our nationals, especially in such cases where they are planning to execute our nationals," he said.

******

Saudi Arabian Ambassador to Indonesia Abdulrahman Mohammed Amin Al-Khayyat on Monday, June 20, had apologised for the execution of Ruyati.

He expressed regret that Indonesian Embassy was not given prior notice of the execution.
He assured Indonesia that it will not happen ever again.

******

Through RI Consulate General in Jeddah, the government has fought hard against the death penalty.
It had requesting the Saudi Board of Pardon (lajnatul afwu) to release Ruyati.

But the deceased family did not forgive her act.
The family did not forgive their 54-year old domestic helper Ruyati binti Satubi.

Indonesian government could not break the rigidity of death sentence in Saudi Arabia.

******

Ruyati’s three children in Bekasi, West Java, were initially informed by Migrant Care of Ruyati’s first hearing session on May 17, 2010.

In January 2011, they were told that the case was still on-going.
The family was then notified by the Foreign Ministry about the schedule for the next hearing that would take place in May 2011.

They had been struggling hard to find news about their mother's condition in foreign land.

Before long, a verdict was delivered, followed by an execution without them ever knowing anything about it.

Four hours before the mother was to be executed, one of her daughter saw the sight of 'her' in their kitchen.

Later, Migrant Care called to inform the mother had passed away.

******

The only person who had knowledge of the violence that led to 54-year-old Ruyati murdering her employer was Warni.
She is a fellow Indonesian worker who was hired by Ruyati’s employer too.

She knew a great deal about what Ruyati had to endure prior to the murder as they slept in the same room. She witnessed how the grandmother was punched and kicked.

Warni was reluctant to discuss Ruyati’s ordeal as it was Ruyati’s own request.
The grandmother had told her not to tell the children about what she saw.
She only revealed the truth after local police in Mecca moved in to arrest her.

******

Irwan Setiawan, the youngest of Ruyati’s three children, remember his mother as “a quiet and well-adjusted woman”.
She was reluctant to talk much about hardship she endured as a migrant worker.
She only talked about the good things in Saudi Arabia.

Irwan expressed his disappointment towards the role of the Indonesian government in helping his mother’s cause.
He felt neglected.

Ruyati’s family said they were let down by PT Dasa Graha Utama, a labour recruiting company which arranged Ruyati’s employment in Saudi Arabia.
At her age, Ruyati should have been ineligible to be sent abroad as a domestic worker.
The company had falsified information about the grandmother's age by registering her as 11 years younger.

Both the government and PT Dasa Graha Utama have responded to the grievances from Ruyati’s family by offering Rp 90 million (US$10,440) in compensation.

The family would wait until they have their mother's body home, despite information from the government that she was already been buried in Mecca, not far from the body of Saidatina Siti Khadijah, the wife of Prophet Muhammad s.a.w.

There are 216 Indonesians overseas facing execution, including 26 in Saudi Arabia.

Currently, there are 2.2 million Indonesians working in Malaysia and 1.5 million in Saudi Arabia.
Around 90 percent work as house maids and drivers for individual employers.

The Maid - Chosen Over Mate

When Men Choose Maid Over Mate

Caught in the act by young son
ADAM (not real name) is a househusband who takes care of his two children while his wife works as a lawyer.

"It was simple at first. After our second child was born, I couldn't handle the additional workload. When I suggested we get a maid, my wife didn't hesitate.

"Although our Cambodian maid was not drop-dead gorgeous, I was attracted to her petite figure and demure character."

After a couple of months, Adam's attraction towards the maid grew.
"I wouldn't say I am a pious man but neither would I have expected to be a cheating husband.

"It all started with an innocent brushing of hands when she passed me a cup of tea.

"I could see that she was not the type to say 'no' to requests. So, when I asked her politely if she would sleep with me, she said okay.

"We started having more and more afternoon 'sessions' while the kids took their naps."

Adam's wife didn't suspect anything. In fact, she felt at ease staying late at the office, knowing that someone was at home to take care of her family.

Adam said: "As much as I tried to stop, I couldn't. Soon, I found myself taking more and more risks. I would even try to get the maid into bed while the kids were watching television in the living room. I knew we could get caught, but that was part of the excitement.

"However, the baffled and confused look on my eldest son's face when he walked in on us one day was all it took.

"It was a good thing my son didn't say anything about it to my wife. But from that day, I stopped sleeping with the maid. I realised that I was hurting two innocent victims." 

When the maid's bed broke
Shana (not real name), 33, first suspected her husband was having an affair with the maid when the maid's bed broke.

"I always knew my husband had a roving eye and would constantly get attention from his female colleagues. But I expected him to have some standard in choosing his affairs.

"Don't get me wrong, I never condoned it but I was willing to put up with it for the sake of the marriage and kids.

"When our first maid confessed that she had slept with my husband, I accused her of lying.

"I packed her bags and asked her to leave. I was under the impression that she only wanted to 'divide and conquer' the family.

"But when our replacement maid's new bed broke, I got suspicious. She was a skinny and small-sized girl and it didn't seem possible for her to break a bed on her own."

Shana's suspicions were confirmed when she caught her husband sneaking out of their bedroom in the middle of the night one day.
"A part of me didn't want to accept what that might mean, but I had to know. After a couple of minutes, I opened my maid's bedroom door and found him on top of her.

"Needless to say, he was dumbfounded and could not weasel his way out of it.

"I filed for divorce and am now happily remarried to an honest, loyal and trustworthy man." 

Expert tips on "affair-proofing" your marriage
UNITED States-licensed marriage and family therapist Dr Johnben Loy, who is also Taylor's University visiting fellow, provides some tips on affair-proofing your marriage. 

Q: Why do you think some men find maids sexually appealing?

A: There is a host of factors to be considered before a man finds a maid appealing, not just for the care she provides. For example, the age and the look may be important.
A maid who is older and more matronly can provide care, but can be perceived as a mother figure. 

Q: What warning signs should wives look out for?

A: One of the main contributors to extramarital affairs is prolonged emotional and physical distance between spouses. Often, the stress of having a second or third child, together with a busy career, can lead to couples growing apart from each other, thereby, creating a tendency towards extramarital relations.
Wives who are concerned can monitor the "emotional temperature" of the relationship to make sure it is warm and the connection is vibrant. 

Q: When it comes to maids, how can couples safeguard their marriage?

A: If a couple is concerned about safeguarding the marriage, the couple can agree to let the wife be in charge of the maid. The husband can request household needs from the wife, who can then instruct the maid to execute the requests.

In addition, the couple needs to make sure not to involve the maid in their personal conflicts, for example, complaining to the maid about the wife or the husband.
Although the maid may be living in the house, it is important to exercise proper boundaries with her and to treat her with the same respect that one would treat a local employee.
Doing these things can help protect the boundary around the husband and wife. 

Q:Should wives take on a more nurturing role in terms of cooking and cleaning for their husbands, instead of leaving these tasks to the maids?

A: In marriages with more traditional role patterns, wives can instruct and manage maids in such a way that the maids are seen as assisting them in their nurturing roles.

The couple can agree to treat the maid as the employee of the wife so that subsequently, even though the tasks are carried out by the maid, the instructions and intentions come from the wife, thereby, strengthening the couple's relationship.

Source: New Straits Times - July 3, 2011

The Maid - The Loan

Nora*'s mother had just secured a deal with a sugar factory when it offered Rp13,000,000 (S$1,880) for Nora's two-year old quarter acre of sugarcane plantation.

The mother will use the money to renovate part of their house as she had the feeling that very soon, Singaporeans will want to visit her family.
Time is running out before these Singaporeans appeared at their front door.

Since Ramadhan is next month, it is better that the mother start renovating the house now.

Nora could not said no to her mother, as what the woman was earlier assured by her daughter, come July, Nora will receive her first salary of about Rp3,500,000.
But the mother did not know that Nora had spent two months idling in Batam before her first employer employed her to work with his family in the western part of Singapore.

And, Nora knew that she was cheated by her Indonesian agency.
Since she paid her own passage to Batam, she knows salaryless working in Singapore will be reduced to six, and at the most seven months.
Not nine months as she is facing now!

Nora's family was at the most critical period when her father met with an accident and their failed chilli plantation due to erratic weather that I had blogged earlier, exhausting all financial resources.
They were left totally dry but her children have to be in school and life has to go on.

So, Nora took drastic and unwavering step leaving her 3 young children with her aged mother and bedridden father to be in Batam last Ramadhan.

When others working in faraway land all converged home in Ramadhan to be together for the festive Syawal, Nora left home during the fasting month, leaving her children not only without their father who had simply left his family to pursue his own living, but without their mother too.

To reach Batam, Nora desperately went around asking for loan.

Normally Rp800,000 (about S$116) would be more than enough airfare.
But it was the peak period Ramadhan.

Since demand was more than supply, ticket prices went spiraling, that Nora had to ask for another loan of Rp500,000.

I used to fly to Jakarta from Hang Nadim Airport in Batam to Jakarta.
It costs less than S$100 for return ticket.

But last year, when I offered to pay a family of four's passageway to return home to Semarang from Batam, to spend their Syawal with their aged parents, whom they had not for met more than ten years, ticket price was already Rp1.2 million (about S$170).
And it was around two months away from Syawal.

The husband's mother was always in tears, longing for her only son and never before seeing her two granddaughters, when the couple called home.

Bear in mind, it was after a field day running counter after counter for wanting to secure the cheapest price.
Bear in mind, it was weeks before Ramadhan, in July, not August, and the ticketing girl said, ticket price went up each passing day.

So, I understand Nora's predicament.

******

The loan had been bothering Nora.
It was really a heavy burden on her shoulder, the biggest stone she ever had on her shoulder, as there was no such thing as to wait for nine months to earn her first salary working in Saudi.

And to tell her mother that her first salary will only be in September, she did not know how to create sentence from the limited words she has.

******

The cruel maids' world, she only knew and encountered after her two years in Abha, Saudi Arabia.

After her two years of working abroad, after repeatedly hearing others kept saying, she was one of the exceptionally lucky maid, it led her to make a nazar, a promise to slaughter a goat and holding a feast for her village folks after completion of honouring her another two years with the same employer.

When her second two-year contract was completed, upon landing at the airport, immediately after exiting the immigration counter, another maid who returned home together within her group from Jeddah, was struggling and gripping tight, holding Nora's baggage from being pushed away by unknown and suspicious men, hovering around the airport preying from victims.

These vultures, as if being tipped-off, always knew the schedule of return-home maids and many had fallen to become penniless victims, robbed of belongings upon stepping on homeground.
These maids often return to their families not only financially broke, but with shattering brokenhearted too.

The goodhearted maid refused to let Nora charted her home journey with just her and the driver.
Since it was almost nighttime, despite her children and family were all eagerly waiting for her, she was dragged to follow the goodhearted maid home, in Surabaya too.
She was forced to spend her night there.

The 'saint' maid personally chose reliable transportation for Nora to safely reach her waiting family.

******

Before Nora embarked in search of greener pasture in Singapore, she made a prior nazar, to do the same as what she did before.

But when she worked with her first employer here, she often complained to HIM, what HE gave her was not what she wanted.
She told GOD, her nazar is no trivial matter to look into.
She will do more when HE Gives her more than she had asked for.

As what she told Me, this time, upon completion of her two-year contract, she will qurban, slaughtering a kibasy.
She will ask someone to find the best mountain goat with good meat, the biggest mountain goat yet to be found.
She hope all Nyai's Children will be able to join in the feast she will be going to offer to all her villagefolks.
GOD willing.    

******

I had told My Husband of Nora's loan since March.

To Him, just get the heaviest stone off on her shoulder, just pay up for her.
After all, it costs Us less than RM400.

Yes, I'll pay up, but not then, in March.
I'll wait until July.
No wonder the zakat, the tithe, He handed Me to give away early this year, I kept postponing.

****** 

Yesterday, I told Nora, since it is already July, the promised time has come for her to honour her loan payment.
The promise will be fulfilled when we reached City Plaza.

Nora quickly closed her mouth with both hands when she heard herself shouting loudly
"Ibu..."

Upon signing the transfer slip, she claimed weightless on both shoulders.
The heaviest stone had automatically slipped away.

Marriage Consent From The Grave

I just fall for the girl.

I knew she was the right person.
But to get her, I had to go through the mother.

So, I became one of the widowed-mother's best friend.

The girl, eldest of four sisters, felt she had to leave school after her A-Level.
She had to help her mother to put her three sisters in school.

I asked a lot about the family.
I popped the question of remarriage to the mother.

She said, it was unlikely to happen.
Sometime, before her sleep, she had the feeling that her husband was watching her from over her head.
Often she dream of him, came back to visit his family, and observed his daughters' well-being.

******

Our relationship elated the mother more, as her late husband was my mother's classmate.
And, my late grandfather was her late father's best friend.

When her family was staying at Kampung Wak Tanjung, my grandfather used to go to her place.
He went to visit her father, who was an imam at the Wak Tanjung Mosque.

******

I told my eldest sister that I had found the right girl for my brother.

When she asked about the age, and I said 19, she said that the girl was way too young for my brother, who was already in his late 20s.
Age was never an issue to me, but yes, to my eldest sister.

In the meantime, I prayed hard then, that the girl will be my sister-in-law.

Then, one day, when the girl was around 20 or 21, the mother said a man had asked for her eldest daughter.
The man looked pious with his serban, a turban, on his head.
There was nothing more that the mother could asked for.
Since the man looked religious, he sure knows how to be the head of his family.

The news shattered me, as I still harboured hope in the girl.
Although my sister knew of my intention, but not the mother.
I had not made the proposal yet, even after around two years.

But, the mother continued, her late husband appeared in her dream, rejected the serban man.
The father said, his daughter will marry a man staying just few blocks away from them.

It was until then that I knew of my sister's refusal.
Sure, HE Knows Best, by episodes in our lives yet to unfold.

******

Not long after that, the mother had a great surprise.
Her few blocks away neighbour whom she already knew for more than twenty years, asked for her eldest daughter.

The mother did not know the neighbour's son had came back to Singapore after studying in Madinah.
He was sent to work in one of the mosque in the eastern side of Singapore, which had just been built.

******

The girl and her neighbour is now married.
After more than ten years, I knew they have four children, maybe more, now.

I wonder if I can navigate my family from my graveyard.
Although the girl's father had long been dead, but, he still wants the very best for his future generation.

The girl's father-in-law is just an ordinary noja, an ordianry caretaker at his neighbourhood mosque, but all his children, as I see it, turned out to be all super extra-ordinary.

They are not only in Singapore, but Malaysia, Indonesia, Saudi Arabia and sure, more countries which I knew not.
They can be heard over the radio, watched on tv, seen at MUIS and ...

The Choicest Rotten Meat

سُبْحَانَ الَّذِي أَسْرَى بِعَبْدِهِ لَيْلاً مِّنَ الْمَسْجِدِ الْحَرَامِ إِلَى الْمَسْجِدِ الأَقْصَى الَّذِي بَارَكْنَا حَوْلَهُ لِنُرِيَهُ مِنْ آيَاتِنَا إِنَّهُ هُوَ السَّمِيعُ البَصِيرُ 

"GLORY be to GOD Who made HIS Servant to go by night from the Sacred mosque (Mecca) 

to the Farthest Mosque (Jerusalem) 
Of which 

We have Blessed the Precincts, 

so that We may show to Him some of Our Signs; 

surely HE is the Hearing, the Seeing." 

Al-Qur'an - Surah Al-Isra': 1 

******

Prophet Muhammad sollallaahu 'alaihi wasallam was ascending the sky with Gabriel 'alaihis salam during Isra' Mi'raj (yesterday was Rejab 27).

He s.a.w. saw those, although in front of them were excellent meats in pots, they chose the putrid and foul ones.
They would eat from the foul and rotten meat, and would not touch the good meat.
Prophet Muhammad s.a.w. asked Gabriel a.s., 

"What is this, O Jibril?"

to which he replied, 

"These are the men from Your community. 
They have excellent, lawful wife at home, but chose unlawful women to spend their nights with.

And the women would leave their excellent, lawful husband, to go and spend their nights with foul men."

******

Marriage and family life are protected by very strong rules, because every goodness comes through marriage.

"And among HIS Signs is this, 

that HE created you (Adam) from dust,

and then (Hawa' [Eve] from Adam's rib, 

and then his offspring from the semen, and), 

- behold you are human beings scattered!

And among HIS Signs is this, 

that HE created for you wives from among yourselves, 

that you may find repose in them, 

and HE has put between you affection and mercy. 

Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect. 

And among HIS Signs 

is the creation of the heavens and the earth, 

and the difference of your languages and colours. 

Verily, 

in that are indeed signs for men of sound knowledge." 

Al-Qur'an Surah Ar-Ruum 20 - 22 

******

Family is the foundation of society.

The peace and security offered by a stable family unit is greatly valued, and seen as essential for the spiritual growth of its members.

Children are priceless treasures.

Living in a harmonious family, they rarely want to leave home before marriage.
Some chose to remain staying with their parents after marriage.

A Muslim girl can never be forced to marry against her will, but her parents can suggest suitable men.
Female, weather single or married, is an individual in her own right.
A marriage dowry is given by the groom to the bride for her own personal use.

She keeps her own family name rather than taking her husband's.

Prophet Muhammad sollallaahu 'alaihi wasallam had said, 

"The most perfect in faith amongst believers 

is he who is best in manner and kindest to his wife."

A Muslim marriage is not a 'sacrament', but just a simple, legal agreement but which is often made complicated by tradition.

Divorce, although not forbidden, is only taken as the last resort as, 

"Enter upon matrimony. but do not divorce your wives, since divorce shakes the very Throne Of GOD."

Yes, divorce between husband and wife shakes the 'Arasy'.
'Arasy is ALLAH S.W.T.'s 'Throne'.

Surely!!!
Divorce really, really anger the Creator.
If not, why thus the 'Arasy' is shaken?

******

The satan Daasim stations itself at doorways.
Whose house upon entry is without salam, Daasim's duty is to cause conflict between household members - men, wives and families.

Those who were and are caught offguard, Daasim triumph when it leads to violence and it won trophy when it results divorces between couples.

Then there is 'Awar, who encourages adultery.

******

A close friend do not see any wrong in his adulterous way.

He admitted frankly, he has to lead that kind of life, to complete his living.

The wife had encouraged another marriage for him.

But, relationship outside marriage is a thrill beyond expression.

Just like food, he craves varieties!

Why is that so?

The wife had often dream of their home being barged into.

Often she would sense a woman loitering around the lift-landing, or nearer home, at the gate.

Other time, her daughter just tell the mother there's someone near the shoe rack.

The wife did mention what she saw and sense to the husband, but he just refuse any changes made to his life.

When asked to go for counselling, he said, he knows more than the wife knew not. 

“Do as You please in this world, Oh Muhammad, 

But remember, 

You will be accountable for all that You do. 

And live as You please in this world, Oh Muhammad, 

But remember, 
One day, You will taste death. 

And love whom You please in Your life, Oh Muhammad, 

But remember, 

One day, You will part with Your loved one in death.” 

Jibrail a.s. said to the Prophet s.a.w.

Another Phase Of 'Living'

The excavator suddenly stopped when it hit a hard surface.

The road widening project had to be stopped for a few days because the heavy machinery operator was 'suddenly sick and had to be cured'.

The hard object that was hit was a wood that used to cover the body.
Excavation of the graveyard site brought to a halt.

A grandfather claimed the uncorrupted body in the affected grave belonged to his teacher who taught Al-Qur'an reading when he was small.

******

Nora*, who is currently staying with My Mother, asked if I believe her above story that happened around her area.

She then asked My opinion about her Indonesia's fourth president Gus Dur, to which I replied, since the man is already dead, he is not telling lies to have showed 'himself', unlike us, living beings.
How a person lived his life shows in his death too.

Heavy rain in February this year, had caused earth that covered his dead body to wash away.

His kafan, the white shroud, was exposed, still white as it was, and his whole body still remained intact, although he passed away last December 30, 2009.

****** 

Four months before Gus Dur's death, Jakarta was abuzz when it was found August 2, deceased Haji Abdullah Mukminin, a Tangerang, Jakarta resident, his face is as usual.
His body still remain intact, although his hair had whitened.

Even though the area of Batu Ceper, where the body was buried, is known to be swampy, the white cloth that covered his body is as was first buried, but with slight dirt.

There is no indication of decaying or insect bite to the camphor wood that covered the body for 26 years.

******

In 2007, the place was needed by Tangerang authority for road widening of Jalan Benda, Juru Mudi, and Batu Ceper, along Cianjane River, leading right up to Soekarno Hatta International Airport.

Nothing could be done to An-Najat Musolla and Haji Abdullah Mukminin gravesite, except both places have had to give way.

But work in Batu Ceper, supposed to be in January 2009, was only carried out in August.

Even before the relocation of the body, heavy machineries had been unable to function.
There was delay in the demolishing work on the musola, the praying area, and the relocation of Haji Abdullah Mukminin's body.

Excavators had repeatedly broken down.

Contractors had no other choice except to sit down to seek agreement from the deceased family members.

The praying area, on wakaf land, if brought down, surely will be missed by Haji Abdullah's family, as it was built by Haji Abdullah since the 50s.
The neighbourhood really wanted a place to pray.

The musolla had several times, its area was  extended and reconstructed.
The land, priced at Rp 500,000 / metre, excluding properties on it, but the family of Haji Abdullah refused compensation.

Instead, the family requested authority to rebuilt a new musolla at nearby Juru Mudi area, for locals still be able to perform their prayers.

And, An-Najat Musolla, could only be brought down using hammer and crowbar.
Strictly no heavy machinery allowed.

The cost of relocation of Haji Abdullah's body, however, was borne by his family although authority offered in footing the bill.

******

The deceased third son, Achmad Fathi, had several times observed relocation of bodies at Karet Bivak Cemetery, in Central Jakarta.

Hence he followed the normal preparation for his father, three containers of water, meant for washing whatever remains of bones of the father before relocation, and nine pieces of woodcuts 70 cm x 30 cm, meant for the bones' segregation.

But the preparation was not used, as his father, born December 16, 1919, buried Oktober 22, 1983, found August 2, 2009, was not only as if just being buried, but gave out aromatic atmosphere all around.

A loud ALLAAHU Akbar was simultaneously exclaimed by those witnessing HIS Greatness.

******

Suddenly there was a very big crowd gathered at the scene while work was going on.

Thousands gathered at the scene.
From where all these people came from?

No information was given to outsiders, not even the deceased students, as it was supposed to be strictly a family affair, with no more than 20 family members.

The sudden crowd had led to an unusual traffic jam, up to five kilometres away.

The body is now laid to rest in-front of son, Achmad Fathi's house, just 15 metres away from the previous location, with remains of two other family members, wife Maswani who passed away in 1980, and their second son, M Syurur.

The burial site will be extended as there are now, more people came to pay their visit.
The number kept increasing after the news of Haji Abdullah travelled further.

******

It was in the badminton court size An-Najat Musolla that Haji Abdullah taught his students since the 50s.

He spent his living days learning and teaching.

After five years learning from his teacher, Kiai Mursan, the teacher urged him to go to Mecca, where he later spent seven years studying in Darul Ulum.

His teacher in Mecca, Syekh Yasin, from Padang in West Sumatera, then requested him to return to Indonesia, to start educating society, especially in his area, Batu Ceper, Tangerang.
It was around the time of the Second World War, 1939 to 1945.

Haji Abdullah shared his knowledge from within the compound of his house, in informal meetings, unlike the pesantren ways of today.

Class in An-Najat would start after Magrib till 9pm.

Students would normally spent their nights in the musolla.
Not only spiritual learning, students were also taught about farming in the day.

******

Then in 1973, Haji Abdullah was requested to head Tangerang's religious court.

Although a Syari'ah court judge, he still rode his bicycle to his working place, 10 km away.


Haji Abdullah passed away in Oktober 22, 1983, due to  kidney failure.

He was buried behind the An-Najat Musolla, as requested.

Although he had built Madrasah Ibtidaiyah Islahuddiniyah in the 70s, but it was the An-Najat Musolla that he was fond of, the beginning of his preaching world.

He then built Al Taqwa and Teachers Foundation, not far from his house.                                                                    
The school is still brimming with students until today.

Al Faatihah

Let These 'Ah Long' Do Their Work

Loan Sharks Listen To Man’s Wife
By ZALINAH NOORDIN

GEORGE TOWN: A group of loan sharks, in a rare show of diplomacy, sat down with the wife of a man who had borrowed money from them and listened to her side of the story.

The woman, a marketing and sales executive, who only wanted to be known as Lim, said the men were not aggressive towards her and only said they would wait for her husband to return after learning he was not in the country.

She said the loan sharks who came to her apartment in Tanjung Bungah had actually shown some empathy, unlike others she had read about who use ruthless means to get their money back.

Lim, 37, said her husband left her a note on March 1 to say he was leaving for China to start a business there to settle his debts.

She said the Ah Long had told her that her husband had borrowed RM14,000 from them.

She learnt that her husband had initially borrowed RM30,000 from the same people but the amount was settled by his parents.

“I was surprised they understood my situation and told me they would wait for him (Lim's husband) to come back,” she said at a press conference at the MCA public complaints bureau here yesterday.

“All I want is for my husband to return to pay off the debts and the housing loan payments that had not been paid since last October,” she said, adding the apartment was about to be sealed off by the bank.

The bureau's deputy chief Lim Thoon Deong said Lim's husband told him that he needed more time to save up enough money to pay off the debts.

Source: The Star - June 17, 2011

******

For every RM10,000 that My 2 doors away neighbour Laila* borrowed, before she get the money, RM3,000 will be straight away deducted.
With registration fee of RM25.00, Laila will only receive RM6, 975.

With that capital, Laila rolled to finance her evening food business, and feeding her family.
Every night after closing shop, the money lender will collect some money until the capital of RM10,000 was paid.
The RM3,000 earlier deducted was for the loan interest.

I was initially shocked when Laila detailed me her loan.
Two families sat together discussing ways for them to save on Ah Long interest.

Since the husband had promised to turn over a new leaf, and we wanted the family to save the RM3,000, we came up with fresh capital hoping that their food business, since starting afresh with interest-free capital, will bring greater fortune to the family.

The husband was initially ok, kept his promise, woke up early to go to the market.
Thus they were able to leave their house at 3pm, selling their arrays of dinner varieties of fish, meat, vegetables and their speciality, Laksa Kedah, earlier than usual at Sentosa.
They wrapped up early too, already home before midnight.

Laila had regular customers, mostly Chinese, as she cooked to their likings.
Occasionally I dropped by her working place early, just to see her customers already waiting for her to arrange the cooked food.
She had no problem having her cooking soldout every night.

Things went well initially, and Laila managed to put aside some money with Me when she made part-payment of the capital.
She knew business can flourish to the next level, if her husband manage the time well.

But when good money was rolling in, Laila was ashamed to tell Me that her husband bet more money in his 4D.
Things came back to square when rain never seem to stop and their customers were restricted to eat only at the 5foot way of rows of closed shops, not on closed car park.

Those were the days when she saw money depleting fast.
Even her saving with Me which she intended for her yearly trip up north to Kedah that usually cost her RM3,000 with 7 children tagging along, to visit her in-laws were taken too.

Big brother, Ah Long, came back into the picture.
Unlike the red paint splasher we used to read on papers, these Ah Long would sit and advice Laila on how to keep her family intact.

Yes, these Ah Long are intimidating people, but only to Laila's husband, to make him realise his duty as the head of his family.
He would use harsh words, showed his gangster way in front of Laila's husband and full of threat towards him.

But other than that, the Ah Long would bring gift of health tonic and food for My elderly neighbour, whose house the money lender would occasionally visit.
It was from where he observed that Laila's husband ran his duty.
Funny it may seem, but some men just prefer brutality than compassion.

It was after one of those 'Aidilfitri break some years ago.
After another fresh RM10,000 loan had just been made, Laila's husband sold the house and uprooted his family to Kedah.
The Ah Long was surprised at the silent move, the husband short term thinking for easily giving up good business premise and crowd of customers. 
Regular customers (My Family too), really miss Laila's cooking.

The Ah Long managed to track them, that sent shivers to Laila's husband, who had since become a lorry driver.
The Ah Long reminded the husband that if ever he heard that Laila had difficulties feeding her children because of the husband being lazy, he will not think twice to send men to chop his (Laila's husband) legs off.

Of Lifestyle Death And Women Pursuit Lifestyle Living

Allison Pearson: Death Should Not Be As Easy As Going To The Dentist
Allison Pearson on the unbearably moving case of terminally ill Peter Smedley, who chose to visit Dignitas; and why women love nothing more than a bit of benevolent sexism.
 
'A gentle good humour and stuff upper lip': Peter and Christine Smedley.

Two stories of the week.
The philanthropist Bill Gates passed round the hat and collected $4.3 billion for vaccinations which can eradicate simple diseases in the developing world.
Nine million children who would have died unnecessarily may soon have the right to live.
Meanwhile, in Switzerland, Sir Terry Pratchett, the best-selling novelist, was leading a campaign for another mortal right.

“Peter Lawrence Smedley, are you sure you want to drink this medicament with which you will sleep and die?”

“Yes, I’m quite sure.”

It sounded like a marriage, but it was actually a new rite of passage for humanity.
The death ceremony.
Peter, a charming retired hotelier, was pledging himself to Hades.

With the admin taken care of, Erika, the kindly Swiss death assistant, passed the poison cup to the 71-year-old motor-neurone disease sufferer.
He drank it down and, minutes later, there was a terrible, hoarse rasping sound.
The dying man asked for water.
The death assistant shook her head and hushed him.
We could no longer see Mr Smedley’s face because the camera had tactfully looked away and focused on Sir Terry instead, but Peter’s last words were as clear as they were unbearable:
“My wife’s very good at putting me to sleep just by rubbing my hands. Be strong, my darling.”

This assisted suicide, yours for £10,000 from Dignitas in Zurich, inclusive of ashes, was at the centre of Sir Terry Pratchett’s controversial BBC2 documentary, Choosing to Die.
It was very hard to watch without crying.
Even Sir Terry, the most vocal champion of the right to pencil your own extinction in the diary as if death were a dental appointment, snuffled away a few tears.
Most piercing of all was the way Mr Smedley and his wife Christine, immaculate in pearls, maintained a gentle good humour and stiff upper lip on what was the last day of their 34-year marriage.

“This has been a happy event,” announced Sir Terry afterwards.
“We’ve seen a man die peacefully, more or less in the arms of his wife. When we think of all the ways people can die, that would count as a result.”

I wouldn’t call it a result.
Sad and troubling, most definitely, with shades of Nazi eugenics and a fearful banality – the Dignitas clinic sits on a rumbling industrial estate, which lends a production-line air to one of life’s great mysteries.
Instead of Dylan Thomas urging us to rage against the dying of the light, Peter and Christine were offered coffee and a chocolate.
Milk or plain?
To be or not to be?
Welcome to the Travelodge of doom.

The BBC received 900 complaints about Choosing to Die.
Barely a murmur when you consider that 700 irate viewers rang in to protest that extended motor racing was allowed to bump off Antiques Roadshow.
Anti-euthanasia campaigners said the Pratchett documentary painted an idealised picture of assisted death rather than contributing to an honest debate.
That isn’t so.
It was a deeply thoughtful and moving programme orchestrated by a 63-year-old word wizard under the curse of Alzheimer’s.
Sir Terry is angry that terminally ill Britons, like himself, have to go to Switzerland to be put out of their misery. He fancies dying on his own sunlit lawn, drinking the fatal draught while listening to Thomas Tallis.

It’s a seductive picture, isn’t it?
As seductive as those TV commercials for Quietus, the over-the-counter suicide kit in Children of Men.
Set in the UK in 2027, P D James’s dystopic novel imagines a time when adults are encouraged to kill themselves with a product which soothingly offers to take the choice out of your hands.
You can be sure, dear reader, that when the state-sanctioned putting down of the sick, the disabled and the elderly comes, it won’t look like a factory run by Joseph Goebbels.
It will look like a lifestyle choice.
Make that a deathstyle choice.

That’s why, although Sir Terry, the lovely Smedleys and anyone in fear of a prolonged, painful death have my deepest sympathy, I feel we have to be vigilant and hold the line.
Imagine a clapped-out NHS, which can barely transplant the right kidney, being put in charge of legalised killing.
And if the private sector were involved, how soon before they’d be offering three for two?

You think I’m joking?
The single most shocking fact in Choosing to Die was that 21 per cent of the clients that Dignitas has put to sleep did not have progressive or terminal illnesses, but suffered from a “weariness of life”.
Dear God, if we adopt that criterion, every mum on the Friday afternoon of half-term would be queuing up for a merciful beaker of Paraquat.

While thousands of very sick people register for Dignitas, in the end most choose not to use it.
Knowing you can go quickly and painlessly if you have to seems to provide the strength to stay and see it through.
Let’s be honest, what really scares us is the thought of dying alone in some rank “care” home or being left on a hospital trolley, our shrunken self-respect barely covered by a blue paper gown.
Before we introduce a right to die, how about supporting the right to live our final days without shame?

The British people have not, overnight, become crazed converts to euthanasia, it’s just that too often the alternative is so cruel and awful.
Eighty per cent of us say we want to pass away in our own beds surrounded by family.
Yet the dire state of half of primary care trusts means that 60 per cent end up dying in hospital, where you have to plead for a glass of water.

Terry Pratchett admitted to Mick, an ebullient taxi driver whose motor-neurone disease is being managed by a terrific hospice, that Lady Pratchett does not agree with him on assisted dying.

“Maybe she wants to take care of you?” said Mick’s own wife pointedly.

“She does,” said Sir Terry sadly.

And what’s wrong with that?
Suffering can be our greatest trial but also, for the sufferer and for those who care for them, one of our greatest opportunities for love.
As Bishop Michael Nazir-Ali says:
“Again and again, people have told me how much they have learned about themselves and others at this time in their lives.”

I’m sure he’s right, and all my humane instincts recoil from the cold indignity of Dignitas.
And yet, at the back of my mind, a small voice keeps saying:
“If I had Alzheimer’s and knew that my self was about to vanish, like sand through a sieve, would I want the rest of me to go on?”

*******

You have to admit these are baffling times for blokes.
Thousands of angry young women marched through London wearing bras, suspenders and skirts shorter than a text message on something called a SlutWalk.
I suppose those wearing black PVC corsets are what you might call Basque Separatists.
Any males who ogled, gawped, fell off their bikes, crashed the car or even got lightly steamed-up specs were guilty of judging a female’s availability by her appearance.
No means No, even when a woman’s dressed like a prostitute saying Yes.
Got that?

Meanwhile, another protest by women was going on outside the tragically retrograde new Playboy Club. These females were objecting to the club’s 50 bunny girls being tricked out with tails and ears for the delectation of customers.
“Is the bunny an empowering role for the modern girl or a frivolous sexist plaything?” asked one commentator.
Hmm, give me till the end of this sentence to think about that.
Emmeline Pankhurst and the girls might be a bit surprised to learn they chained themselves to railings so that Hayley from Dunbarton could celebrate her empowerment by sticking a powder puff on her arse.

As if all this wasn’t confusing enough, the Society for the Psychology of Women in Washington DC has just decreed that chivalry is actually “benevolent sexism”.
Researchers warn that there are many acts of unnoticed sexism taking place every day.
They have drawn up a helpful list so we can all be on our guard: a man offering to help his wife with heavy shopping, man calling a group of men and women “guys” and offering to do the driving on long-distance journeys.
Even men who shower their woman with “unwanted affection” or say they cannot live without her could also be sexist.
Phew.
Thank goodness there’s no danger of that kind of thing happening in my house!

It would take a book to unpick this cat’s cradle of contradictions, but let me say two things.
First, north America, where the SlutWalks originated, has the most atrocious maternity leave in the Western world.
Women quit work practically on the day they give birth and are expected to be back in weeks.
If young women are going to take to the streets, then let them fight for the right to have decent time with their babies, not to get their boobs out.

Second, I hereby declare myself the founding member of Women For Benevolent Sexism.
Any gents who want to help me with a suitcase, hold a door open or smile eagerly and say,
“That’s my pleasure, young lady,” please go ahead.

Source: The Telegraph - Wednesday, June 15, 2011

'Obedient Wives' In Nepal

Rural Communities In Nepal Lack Family Planning Options, Awareness 

In Dhading, a district not far from Nepal’s capital city, one woman conceived more than 25 times in 30 years. Because of a lack of family planning awareness in rural communities, women have little say in the number of children they have, even if it jeopardizes their physical health. After a stranger heard about her case on the radio, he paid for a lifesaving operation. Today, she is an advocate for contraception and family planning awareness in rural Nepal.

by Kamala Gautam  

DHADING, NEPAL – Hem Kumari Chepang, 42, has given birth to more than 20 children during the last 30 years.

“Have as many children as you can,” she says her husband, Hari Chepang, 50, told her. “I will feed you [and the children], and [if you die in the process] I will take care of your cremation.”

The Chepangs are residents of Dhading, a district just 75 kilometers west of Kathmandu, the capital. In Kathmandu, thousands of people acquire family planning and maternal and child health care services every day. But Chepang says she has never been to the city, let alone obtained any of the family planning services there.

Orphaned as a child, Chepang married her husband 30 years ago at age 12. She says she was working as a housemaid and he, 20 at the time and also working as house help, promised to take care of her.

Within a year of their marriage, Chepang gave birth to her first child, which survived for only four months. She says she believed at the time that giving birth to one child after another – with some surviving and some not – was a natural phenomenon after marriage. In all, Chepang conceived 26 times.

“Some died in the womb, some within a few days of their birth and some after six months,” she says.

Only two of the babies Chepang has given birth to are alive today – a son and a daughter, who is deaf.

In addition to the multiple births, Chepang says that she often had no help during labor.

“One of my sons was positioned ectopically in the womb,” she says. “His hands came out first, and I tugged him out myself. The placenta followed, and I almost died with the pain.”

After her 23^rd child, she suffered from uterine prolapse, a condition when the uterus slips down from its normal position. She began to bleed regularly and suffer from dizziness and pain. But she continued to give birth. Her condition worsened, and her movement was limited to dragging herself to the toilet when necessary.

Chepang’s physical condition also kept her from helping her husband with the housework. She says her husband had to single-handedly take care of the cattle, the fields and the housework while Chepang watched helplessly.

Although Chepang’s case is not the norm in Nepal, the average number of children born by a single mother is still high in rural areas.

A lack of awareness of family planning options in rural communities often leads to more births than women say their bodies can withstand. The government and nongovernmental organizations, NGOs, here have started to disseminate family planning information to rural communities. But many women say that even with this knowledge, their families and cultural beliefs stand in the way of taking advantage of available options.

The total fertility rate, or births per woman, in Nepal fell from 6.3 in 1976 to 3.1 in 2006 because of campaigning and promotion of family planning, according to a 2009 report by the Family Planning Association of Nepal, FPAN, a national NGO. The contraceptive prevalence rate, the percentage of women or their partners using contraception, increased from 26 percent in 1996 to 44 percent in 2006, according to the latest Nepal Demographic and Health Survey, NDHS.  

But the FPAN report also notes that although the fertility rate in urban areas of Nepal has declined to two children for each set of parents, it is still high in rural areas. The contraceptive prevalence rate is also lower in rural areas than in urban areas.

Aswini Rana, an FPAN counselor, says that family planning is a challenge in rural areas.

“It is still a big challenge to effectively spread awareness of family planning in the rural, remote and socially backward societies of Nepal,” Rana says. “There is a dearth of family planning services, methods and devices at the health posts situated in the rural areas.” 

Chepang says that her husband once had to carry her for more than an hour to reach a health post. But she says the health post staff hesitated to touch her. Rana attributes this reluctance to the lack of necessary knowledge, skills and resources needed to handle such maternity health complications at rural health posts.

Chepang’s village is less than a three-hour drive from Kathmandu, with its myriad of hospitals and health facilities that promote family planning and provide care for pregnant women. Yet the lack of health services and awareness of family planning in Chepang’s community, the Chepangs, one of the most socially excluded and “backward” indigenous communities of Nepal, seems worlds away.

Although there has been a decline in unmet needs when it comes to family planning in Nepal, there is still a geographical disparity, according to the NDHS. Three-fourths of women in urban areas of Nepal said their needs were met, compared with less than two-thirds of women in rural areas.

But Dr. Kiran Regmi, director of the Family Health Division under the Department of Health Services, says Chepang’s case is an exception and that she is optimistic about the increasing awareness of family planning in Nepal.

“We have started to promote appropriate methods of family planning targeted towards those who do not understand and are hence averse to surgical measures of family planning,” Regmi says.   

Family planning services used to only be available in the Kathmandu Valley, according to the NDHS. But thanks to FPAN, the Nepal Family Planning and Maternal Child Health Project was established at government level in 1968 and has gradually expanded to cover all of Nepal’s districts since then.

Temporary methods, such as male condoms and contraceptive pills, are now available at national, regional, zonal and district hospitals; health care centers; and health posts and sub-health posts; according to the NDHS. But more long-term services, such as Norplant implants, IUD insertions and sterilization, are only available in certain districts.

Sagar Dahal, the Family Health Division’s senior public health administrator, says that the governmental department has started to work on guidelines for how to make family planning services more available in rural areas, especially among indigenous groups. But he says this will take time.

“This will take about six to seven months, and the government plans to take the rural family planning program ahead on the basis of those guidelines,” he says.

But women say that even when they do become aware of family planning options, many times cultural beliefs and family members stand in the way.

One mother, Sumitra Pulami Magar, 33, of Balajor, a village in southeastern Nepal, says that she has been using a temporary contraceptive, an injection that she must receive every three months, for the past four years. But her husband, Balkrishna Pulami Magar, says they can’t tell his mother, who objects to family planning.

“After the first two children, I had said we must take permanent measures of family planning, but my mother was not happy with the decision,” he says. “After that, we had two more children and the responsibilities also increased, and my wife and I decided to start on the contraceptive measures without informing my mother.”

The radio is the most popular outlet for family planning messages in rural areas, with televisions, billboards, and newspapers and magazines much less common than in urban areas, according to the NDHS. But still, family members and communities disapprove.

Sarita Tamang, 27, from the same district as Chepang, says her body is tired after giving birth to three daughters and that she learned from radio announcements that contraceptives could prevent her from having more children. But she says that women in her village, who usually deliver their babies at home, are too shy and embarrassed to go to the local health post to obtain contraceptives. Plus, she says her husband still yearns for a male heir.

“What can I do?” she asks. “My husband has said that he needs a son anyhow.”

Chepang says that she also learned about an operation that can stop future pregnancies on the radio. But she says that when she asked her husband to take her to the city to get the operation, he told her that showing her private parts to others was shameful.

Chepang resigned herself to immobility until a stranger got involved after he heard Chepang’s story on the radio, thanks to a youth from her village. The listener, Kiran Gautam, assistant inspector general of the police, contacted the radio station and said he wanted to pay for Chepang to have the operation. 

“When I heard about her condition, I felt very sorry for her,” Gautam says. “I immediately called up the radio station and made arrangements for her treatment.”

He says her story made him realize that women in Nepal deserve more respect.

“Seeing a woman, who is barely 50, in such a state and knowing how she was compelled to lead this life of pain, I realized that the status of women in Nepal is still very lamentable,” he says.

Thanks to Gautam's support, Chepang’s uterus was surgically removed in a hospital in a neighboring district last year. She now leads a healthy life and is able to go about her daily activities.

by Michelle Finotto

"I had given myself up for dead. "

-Hem Kumari Chepang, conceived 26 children

”I had given myself up for dead and never believed that I could lead a normal life ever again,” Chepang says, smiling. “I feel like I have been given a new lease to life by God himself.”

Chepang now does her part to promote family planning by advising younger women in her village to not bear too many children.

“Sasu-aama [mother-in-law] has advised me not to have more than two children,” Chepang’s daughter-in-law, Sharmila, says shyly.

Source: Global Press Institute - Tuesday, April 26, 2011

The Maid - Unholy Acts In The Holiest Place (11)

Daring Escape

A newly arrived Asian housemaid, in her 20s, had a fall three days ago, from the third floor of a residential building in Alkhobar, eastern town of Damman, Saudi Arabia.

She made the run away attempt from the seventh floor apartment through a kitchen window.
She then clung to pipes stuck to the building and started to slide down.
Upon reaching the third floor, the pipes collapsed due to her weight and she hit the ground, where she met the fatal fall.
Arab News reported she was rushed to a hospital with serious injuries but later died at the hospital.

******

Another death fall befell on a housemaid in her 40s, in an attempt to flee her sponsor's house in Makkah.

She was trying to escape through sanitary pipes along with her personal belongings.
Okaz / Saudi Gazzette reported the “homesick” housemaid arrived in the Kingdom two months ago in March, only to find death the next month, in the second week of April.

The housemaid suffered multiple fractures of her arms and legs.
She suffered from brain hemorrhage too, which caused her death.

******

Early this year, January 12, Arabic language daily Almadina reported yet another Indonesian housemaid's death.

The female migrant worker sneaked through the bathroom’s window in an attempt to flee her employer.
She went up to the roof of the the fourth floor building in the central town of Makkah.
Once there, she found a rope, dangled it down to reach the ground.
She then tried to climb down using the rope, but lost her balance and plunged down.

The maid laid on the ground for nearly 15 minutes before she died.

She was found by residents who were leaving a mosque after prayers.

****** 

Photo: ist

PT Aji Ayahbunda Sejati (AAS), flew then 19-year old Armayeh binti Sanuri, from Teluk Lerang, Kuala Mandor, in the district of Kuala Mandor, Pontianak, West Kalimantan, to Saudi Arabia.

She started working for the family of Hasim Ahmad Ali Bader Saeni and Madam Hanan Hasim in Madinah on March 24, 2009.

Armayeh admitted of receiving almost daily abuse and mistreatment from her female employer since the third month into her job.

Wounds and pus on her head.

Her head was often stepped on.

She suffered infectious ears, and were almost torn-like.

She was poured hot water too.

She could bear no longer. 

She seized the opportunity to flee from her working place when the door was not locked.

With wounds all over, she fled on January 26 at 3.30pm.

A neighbour, another Saudi citizen, who happened to spot her critical plight, helped to rush her to Al Ansar Hospital in Madinah at 10pm.

The medical staff immediately called the Indonesian Consulate General.
The Indonesian Consulate has agreements with some Saudi hospitals to notify the embassy or consulate, should an Indonesian national be admitted.

Armayeh's serious condition led her hospital stay transferred to King Fahad Hospital in Jeddah.
She underwent plastic surgery performed by team from King Abdullah Hospital at 1am.
She is currently, still receiving treatment.

Her female employer, Madam Hanan Hasin had been arrested.
Before the arrest was made, her employer visited Armayeh at the hospital.
The girl was offered SR18,000 (Rp 52.9 million) for her change of statement.
The offer was flatly turned down.

Although her salary is SR800 per month, she had just sent home SR6.000 Riyal (Rp 14,3 million) to her parents, during her 23 months stint in the Kingdom.

PT Aji Ayahbunda Sejati (AAS), who made Armayeh's presence possible in Saudi Arabia, bear full responsibility of the girl's welfare.

Her family was provided initial financial assistance of Rp 25 million (SR10,500), with insurance of Rp 100 million yet to receive.

PT Aji Ayah Bunda Sejati brought the parents of now 20-year old Armayeh binti Sanuri, to Saudi Arabia to see first hand of their daughter's condition.
The company provides their needs while in Saudi.

****** 

From Frying Pan To Fire Runaway Maids End Up In Harsher Conditions

JEDDAH: Housemaids who flee their sponsors due to bad working conditions to seek work in the black labor market often end up in a situation of jumping out of the frying pan and into the fire.

In many cases they find themselves at the mercy of sleazy labor brokers who send them to work illegally in conditions that are little different from the legal situations, and often much worse. 
“They seize our IDs, lock us up in secluded rooms and make us live in very difficult conditions, which is no less than indentured servitude,” a maid told Arab News on condition she not be named.
Nuriyyah, an Indonesian maid who has been working for two years in Saudi Arabia, describes the situation she found herself in as “slavery” after being legally recruited and brought to the Kingdom. The wage she ended up receiving was not enough to feed her family back home.
“My sponsor often delayed my payment under the pretext that he had other pressing commitments,” she said. “I had no other choice but to flee.”
Nuriyyah said she lived in a small apartment after her escape with a large number of illegal housemaids who came for Haj or Umrah and overstayed their pilgrimage visas.  She said the man who ran the house essentially acted as an illegal-labor broker.
But what Nuriyyah discovered is that people who hire maids illegally often end up being worse than employers who seek workers through legal channels and at greater expense.  “The new employer and his wife used to beat and humiliate me all the time,” she said. “They also took my iqama. I served them for my food only.”
The maid says she has never been paid for her work. Eventually she fled her illegal employers. She ended up under the Sitteen Bridge, a congregation point for foreign laborers who have fled their sponsors in the hope they will be picked up by the police and deported.
Another Indonesian maid, who did not want to be named, said though she had been an adventurer all her life and would work hard to earn money, she had fears that she might fall victim to inhuman practices on the hands of her new employers.
“I now live in a small house with a large number of illegal African and Asian housemaids,” she said. “The brokers who distribute us among their customers do not care much for what will happen to us. They are only after money.”
She added that she was living in very difficult conditions in this house but her need for money would force her to continue.
The unidentified Indonesian housemaid said she witnessed her co-workers being beaten by merciless employers who know that illegal domestic servants are essentially hostages with few choices.
“Many housemaids had similar experiences but were finally able to make some money and go back home. In order to succeed, you have to take chances,” she said.
Commenting on the issue, spokesman for Jeddah police Col. Misfer Al-Juaid said many of the houses that accommodate runaway maids are found in the districts of Al-Bawadi, Ghulail and Kandara.
“We carry out weekly raids on such houses after identifying them,” he said. “We arrest the illegal residents, take their fingerprints before handing them over to the Passport Department for deportation.”
After these workers end up in the custody of Saudi immigration authorities, a long process for exit clearance takes place. Often these workers have no ID because their passports are with the employers from whom they fled. Saudi authorities must work with foreign missions to establish identities and check for criminal backgrounds before they can be sent home. 
Al-Juaid pointed out that an illegal worker can be exposed to more abuse than legal workers, because sponsors are aware that there is little recourse for reporting or challenging abusive situations. “The illegal housemaids bear all these inhuman treatment in order not to be caught by the passport police and sent back home,” he added.
The most common form of maid abuse is not paying salaries, followed by physical and sexual abuse. The Saudi authorities do not offer statistics of the number of abuse cases reported to them, but the problem is acute enough that labor rights activists and foreign missions – especially of Indonesia and the Philippines – maintain shelters for fleeing maids, especially women.
Supervisor of the National Society for Human Rights in Makkah province Hussain Al-Sharif described violence against housemaids as inhuman and un-Islamic.
“Just because they are paying them money, some employers will come to believe that they literally own their housemaids and they have the right to ask them to do anything,” he said.
Al-Sharif agreed with Al-Juaid, saying that illegal workers face a greater chance of being abused with impunity.
“Violence against housemaids, whether they are legal or illegal stayers, is inhuman and totally against Islam,” he added. “We completely reject such practices and deplore exploitation of any human being.”
Al-Sharif asked all employers to consider the pressing conditions that drove the housemaids to come all they way from their countries in the first place. The main reason is remittances, the money they can save up to send home to feed their children or other family members. Not paying a maid could mean a child back home goes without food, clothing or medicines.

Source: A1 Saudi Arabia - January 12, 2011

to be continued...