The Maid - Chosen Over Mate

When Men Choose Maid Over Mate

Caught in the act by young son
ADAM (not real name) is a househusband who takes care of his two children while his wife works as a lawyer.

"It was simple at first. After our second child was born, I couldn't handle the additional workload. When I suggested we get a maid, my wife didn't hesitate.

"Although our Cambodian maid was not drop-dead gorgeous, I was attracted to her petite figure and demure character."

After a couple of months, Adam's attraction towards the maid grew.
"I wouldn't say I am a pious man but neither would I have expected to be a cheating husband.

"It all started with an innocent brushing of hands when she passed me a cup of tea.

"I could see that she was not the type to say 'no' to requests. So, when I asked her politely if she would sleep with me, she said okay.

"We started having more and more afternoon 'sessions' while the kids took their naps."

Adam's wife didn't suspect anything. In fact, she felt at ease staying late at the office, knowing that someone was at home to take care of her family.

Adam said: "As much as I tried to stop, I couldn't. Soon, I found myself taking more and more risks. I would even try to get the maid into bed while the kids were watching television in the living room. I knew we could get caught, but that was part of the excitement.

"However, the baffled and confused look on my eldest son's face when he walked in on us one day was all it took.

"It was a good thing my son didn't say anything about it to my wife. But from that day, I stopped sleeping with the maid. I realised that I was hurting two innocent victims." 

When the maid's bed broke
Shana (not real name), 33, first suspected her husband was having an affair with the maid when the maid's bed broke.

"I always knew my husband had a roving eye and would constantly get attention from his female colleagues. But I expected him to have some standard in choosing his affairs.

"Don't get me wrong, I never condoned it but I was willing to put up with it for the sake of the marriage and kids.

"When our first maid confessed that she had slept with my husband, I accused her of lying.

"I packed her bags and asked her to leave. I was under the impression that she only wanted to 'divide and conquer' the family.

"But when our replacement maid's new bed broke, I got suspicious. She was a skinny and small-sized girl and it didn't seem possible for her to break a bed on her own."

Shana's suspicions were confirmed when she caught her husband sneaking out of their bedroom in the middle of the night one day.
"A part of me didn't want to accept what that might mean, but I had to know. After a couple of minutes, I opened my maid's bedroom door and found him on top of her.

"Needless to say, he was dumbfounded and could not weasel his way out of it.

"I filed for divorce and am now happily remarried to an honest, loyal and trustworthy man." 

Expert tips on "affair-proofing" your marriage
UNITED States-licensed marriage and family therapist Dr Johnben Loy, who is also Taylor's University visiting fellow, provides some tips on affair-proofing your marriage. 

Q: Why do you think some men find maids sexually appealing?

A: There is a host of factors to be considered before a man finds a maid appealing, not just for the care she provides. For example, the age and the look may be important.
A maid who is older and more matronly can provide care, but can be perceived as a mother figure. 

Q: What warning signs should wives look out for?

A: One of the main contributors to extramarital affairs is prolonged emotional and physical distance between spouses. Often, the stress of having a second or third child, together with a busy career, can lead to couples growing apart from each other, thereby, creating a tendency towards extramarital relations.
Wives who are concerned can monitor the "emotional temperature" of the relationship to make sure it is warm and the connection is vibrant. 

Q: When it comes to maids, how can couples safeguard their marriage?

A: If a couple is concerned about safeguarding the marriage, the couple can agree to let the wife be in charge of the maid. The husband can request household needs from the wife, who can then instruct the maid to execute the requests.

In addition, the couple needs to make sure not to involve the maid in their personal conflicts, for example, complaining to the maid about the wife or the husband.
Although the maid may be living in the house, it is important to exercise proper boundaries with her and to treat her with the same respect that one would treat a local employee.
Doing these things can help protect the boundary around the husband and wife. 

Q:Should wives take on a more nurturing role in terms of cooking and cleaning for their husbands, instead of leaving these tasks to the maids?

A: In marriages with more traditional role patterns, wives can instruct and manage maids in such a way that the maids are seen as assisting them in their nurturing roles.

The couple can agree to treat the maid as the employee of the wife so that subsequently, even though the tasks are carried out by the maid, the instructions and intentions come from the wife, thereby, strengthening the couple's relationship.

Source: New Straits Times - July 3, 2011

The Misunderstood Cultural, Nothing Religious Inbreeding

Inbreeding Among Muslims In The UK Is A Sizeable Problem 
nuryn 

Opening Up Discussion Of Problem Of Inbreeding
Inbreeding within the Muslim community in the UK and its tragic consequences have recently been aired openly. Within the community itself, where marrying within the family is part of tradition, the problem of inbreeding tends merely to be accepted as par for the course. For others, silence on the issue of inbreeding is the result of political correctness and fear of being branded racist. A talk on inbreeding within Islamic communities by geneticist Steve Jones prompted airing of the issue in the British press. Warning that inbreeding in Islamic communities was threatening the health of generations of children, Steve Jones, said, “We should be concerned as there can be a lot of hidden genetic damage and children are much more likely to get two copies of a damaged gene”.
Size And Impact Of The Problem
Although inbreeding is a huge problem within the Islamic community, inbreeding is not a koranic teaching. The problem is more cultural than religious, even though there could be confusion within the minds of the community.
The vast majority of Muslims in the UK are from Pakistan. It is said that about half of British Pakistani Muslims marry a first cousin and that such Muslim inbreeding are 13 times more likely than the general population to produce children with genetic disorders. About 10% of children from first-cousin marriages either dies in infancy or develops a serious life-threatening disability. And although 3% of children born in the UK are British Pakistanis, they make up 33% of the 15,000 to 20,000 children born each year with genetic defects. The defects range from blindness or deafness, to physical deformities, to all kinds of organ damage, including brain damage, which can cause death or chronic degenerative illnesses.
It is not just the hospitals that have to cope with the medical problems that these children face. The education system, too, has to try to cater for those with learning difficulties. Then there are the families themselves, who have to cope with the impaired children, or have to face the trauma of the loss of children. On top of that, physically unaffected children are more likely than the general population to carry the defective gene and pass it on to subsequent generations.
Attitude Of Muslim Community To The Problem
The issue of inbreeding is one that is discussed to some extent on Muslim websites. Explaining the popularity of marriages between cousins, one British-Pakistani netizen wrote, “A main reason why this corrupt practice is still followed in Britain is because the family wants to keep their property, land, jewellery and money in the family. The lack of education in families, along with Pakistani village culture, encourages these incestuous marriages”.
This lack of education is evident in the responses that some charity and health-sector workers encounter. They are told by many parents that the children’s disability is due to an “act of God” or the “will of Allah”. Zed Ali, manager of Project BME (Black Minority Ethnics), and herself of Asian and British background,  says that some parents think that if their children die, they will become angels in heaven.
Effort To Educate The Muslim Community
A Muslim doctor in Birmingham, Mohamed Walji, has discussed the devastating effect of cousin-marriages with the imam at his local mosque. The imam has since given lectures about this topic. According to Mohamed Walji, there has been a reduction in the number of cousin-marriages.
Think About It
If there are hard data on the size of the problem of inbreeding and its devastating effects, should it be politically incorrect to discuss the problem? Would it be more correct to discuss the issue of inbreeding and find constructive ways of tackling the problem? Many people in the Muslim community in the UK are educated, and by website comments are concerned about the effects of inbreeding. Could they, or should they, like Mohamed Walji, be leading the way in trying to stem the problem? Could religious leaders also play a part?

Source: A Big Message - Monday, June 6, 2011

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Hay Festival 2011: Professor Risks Political Storm Over Muslim 'Inbreeding’

Prof Steve Jones, one of Britain’s most eminent scientists, has warned that the level of inbreeding among the nation’s Muslims is endangering the health of future generations.

Professor Steve Jones gives The John Maddox Lecture at the Hay Festival  

Photo: CLARA MOLDEN 

By Jonathan Wynne-Jones Religious Affairs Correspondent

The geneticist said that it was common in the Islamic world for men to marry their nieces and cousins.

He said that Bradford has a particular problem and warned that it could affect the health of children born into these marriages.

Prof Jones, who lectures at University College London, is likely to find himself at the centre of controversy in the wake of the comments.

Similar remarks made by Phil Woolas, a Labour environment minister, in 2008 resulted in calls for him to be sacked from the government.

Prof Jones, who writes for the Telegraph’s science pages, told an audience at the Hay Festival: “There may be some evidence that cousins marrying one another can be harmful.

“It is common in the Islamic world to marry your brother’s daughter, which is actually closer than marrying your cousin.
“We should be concerned about that as there can be a lot of hidden genetic damage. Children are much more likely to get two copies of a damaged gene.”
He added: “Bradford is very inbred. There is a huge amount of cousins marrying each other there.” Research in Bradford has found that babies born to Pakistani women are twice as likely to die in their first year as babies born to white mothers, with genetic problems linked to inbreeding identified as a “significant” cause.
Studies have found that within the city, more than 70 per cent of marriages are between relations, with more than half involving first cousins.
Separate studies have found that while British Pakistanis make up three per cent of all births, they account for one in three British children born with genetic illnesses. Prof Jones also said that incest was more common than is often realised in every part of society, adding that it had been particular prevalent among royalty and suggested it is still ­continuing.
“Royal families are the human equivalent of fruit flies because they do all the sexual experiments you can think of and there are some examples of inbreeding.
“Royalty did it to keep the heritage within the family line.
“Inbreeding doesn’t apply particularly to our own royal family, but there is some.”
He explained that Prince Charles and Diana could both be traced back to Edward I, with Prince Charles being able to do this through 3,000 “lines” – overlapping connections between people in his family tree – and his former wife being able to do it through 4,000, making the Princess of Wales “from stronger aristocratic heritage” than her husband.
“Their parents had much ancestry in common,” he said.
“We are all more incestuous than we realise.
“In Northern Ireland lots of people share the same surname which suggests a high level of inbreeding.
“There’s a lot of surname diversity in London but if you look at the Outer Herbrides there are rather fewer surnames in relation to the number of people.”

Source: Telegraph - May 29, 2011

'Obedient Wives' In Nepal

Rural Communities In Nepal Lack Family Planning Options, Awareness 

In Dhading, a district not far from Nepal’s capital city, one woman conceived more than 25 times in 30 years. Because of a lack of family planning awareness in rural communities, women have little say in the number of children they have, even if it jeopardizes their physical health. After a stranger heard about her case on the radio, he paid for a lifesaving operation. Today, she is an advocate for contraception and family planning awareness in rural Nepal.

by Kamala Gautam  

DHADING, NEPAL – Hem Kumari Chepang, 42, has given birth to more than 20 children during the last 30 years.

“Have as many children as you can,” she says her husband, Hari Chepang, 50, told her. “I will feed you [and the children], and [if you die in the process] I will take care of your cremation.”

The Chepangs are residents of Dhading, a district just 75 kilometers west of Kathmandu, the capital. In Kathmandu, thousands of people acquire family planning and maternal and child health care services every day. But Chepang says she has never been to the city, let alone obtained any of the family planning services there.

Orphaned as a child, Chepang married her husband 30 years ago at age 12. She says she was working as a housemaid and he, 20 at the time and also working as house help, promised to take care of her.

Within a year of their marriage, Chepang gave birth to her first child, which survived for only four months. She says she believed at the time that giving birth to one child after another – with some surviving and some not – was a natural phenomenon after marriage. In all, Chepang conceived 26 times.

“Some died in the womb, some within a few days of their birth and some after six months,” she says.

Only two of the babies Chepang has given birth to are alive today – a son and a daughter, who is deaf.

In addition to the multiple births, Chepang says that she often had no help during labor.

“One of my sons was positioned ectopically in the womb,” she says. “His hands came out first, and I tugged him out myself. The placenta followed, and I almost died with the pain.”

After her 23^rd child, she suffered from uterine prolapse, a condition when the uterus slips down from its normal position. She began to bleed regularly and suffer from dizziness and pain. But she continued to give birth. Her condition worsened, and her movement was limited to dragging herself to the toilet when necessary.

Chepang’s physical condition also kept her from helping her husband with the housework. She says her husband had to single-handedly take care of the cattle, the fields and the housework while Chepang watched helplessly.

Although Chepang’s case is not the norm in Nepal, the average number of children born by a single mother is still high in rural areas.

A lack of awareness of family planning options in rural communities often leads to more births than women say their bodies can withstand. The government and nongovernmental organizations, NGOs, here have started to disseminate family planning information to rural communities. But many women say that even with this knowledge, their families and cultural beliefs stand in the way of taking advantage of available options.

The total fertility rate, or births per woman, in Nepal fell from 6.3 in 1976 to 3.1 in 2006 because of campaigning and promotion of family planning, according to a 2009 report by the Family Planning Association of Nepal, FPAN, a national NGO. The contraceptive prevalence rate, the percentage of women or their partners using contraception, increased from 26 percent in 1996 to 44 percent in 2006, according to the latest Nepal Demographic and Health Survey, NDHS.  

But the FPAN report also notes that although the fertility rate in urban areas of Nepal has declined to two children for each set of parents, it is still high in rural areas. The contraceptive prevalence rate is also lower in rural areas than in urban areas.

Aswini Rana, an FPAN counselor, says that family planning is a challenge in rural areas.

“It is still a big challenge to effectively spread awareness of family planning in the rural, remote and socially backward societies of Nepal,” Rana says. “There is a dearth of family planning services, methods and devices at the health posts situated in the rural areas.” 

Chepang says that her husband once had to carry her for more than an hour to reach a health post. But she says the health post staff hesitated to touch her. Rana attributes this reluctance to the lack of necessary knowledge, skills and resources needed to handle such maternity health complications at rural health posts.

Chepang’s village is less than a three-hour drive from Kathmandu, with its myriad of hospitals and health facilities that promote family planning and provide care for pregnant women. Yet the lack of health services and awareness of family planning in Chepang’s community, the Chepangs, one of the most socially excluded and “backward” indigenous communities of Nepal, seems worlds away.

Although there has been a decline in unmet needs when it comes to family planning in Nepal, there is still a geographical disparity, according to the NDHS. Three-fourths of women in urban areas of Nepal said their needs were met, compared with less than two-thirds of women in rural areas.

But Dr. Kiran Regmi, director of the Family Health Division under the Department of Health Services, says Chepang’s case is an exception and that she is optimistic about the increasing awareness of family planning in Nepal.

“We have started to promote appropriate methods of family planning targeted towards those who do not understand and are hence averse to surgical measures of family planning,” Regmi says.   

Family planning services used to only be available in the Kathmandu Valley, according to the NDHS. But thanks to FPAN, the Nepal Family Planning and Maternal Child Health Project was established at government level in 1968 and has gradually expanded to cover all of Nepal’s districts since then.

Temporary methods, such as male condoms and contraceptive pills, are now available at national, regional, zonal and district hospitals; health care centers; and health posts and sub-health posts; according to the NDHS. But more long-term services, such as Norplant implants, IUD insertions and sterilization, are only available in certain districts.

Sagar Dahal, the Family Health Division’s senior public health administrator, says that the governmental department has started to work on guidelines for how to make family planning services more available in rural areas, especially among indigenous groups. But he says this will take time.

“This will take about six to seven months, and the government plans to take the rural family planning program ahead on the basis of those guidelines,” he says.

But women say that even when they do become aware of family planning options, many times cultural beliefs and family members stand in the way.

One mother, Sumitra Pulami Magar, 33, of Balajor, a village in southeastern Nepal, says that she has been using a temporary contraceptive, an injection that she must receive every three months, for the past four years. But her husband, Balkrishna Pulami Magar, says they can’t tell his mother, who objects to family planning.

“After the first two children, I had said we must take permanent measures of family planning, but my mother was not happy with the decision,” he says. “After that, we had two more children and the responsibilities also increased, and my wife and I decided to start on the contraceptive measures without informing my mother.”

The radio is the most popular outlet for family planning messages in rural areas, with televisions, billboards, and newspapers and magazines much less common than in urban areas, according to the NDHS. But still, family members and communities disapprove.

Sarita Tamang, 27, from the same district as Chepang, says her body is tired after giving birth to three daughters and that she learned from radio announcements that contraceptives could prevent her from having more children. But she says that women in her village, who usually deliver their babies at home, are too shy and embarrassed to go to the local health post to obtain contraceptives. Plus, she says her husband still yearns for a male heir.

“What can I do?” she asks. “My husband has said that he needs a son anyhow.”

Chepang says that she also learned about an operation that can stop future pregnancies on the radio. But she says that when she asked her husband to take her to the city to get the operation, he told her that showing her private parts to others was shameful.

Chepang resigned herself to immobility until a stranger got involved after he heard Chepang’s story on the radio, thanks to a youth from her village. The listener, Kiran Gautam, assistant inspector general of the police, contacted the radio station and said he wanted to pay for Chepang to have the operation. 

“When I heard about her condition, I felt very sorry for her,” Gautam says. “I immediately called up the radio station and made arrangements for her treatment.”

He says her story made him realize that women in Nepal deserve more respect.

“Seeing a woman, who is barely 50, in such a state and knowing how she was compelled to lead this life of pain, I realized that the status of women in Nepal is still very lamentable,” he says.

Thanks to Gautam's support, Chepang’s uterus was surgically removed in a hospital in a neighboring district last year. She now leads a healthy life and is able to go about her daily activities.

by Michelle Finotto

"I had given myself up for dead. "

-Hem Kumari Chepang, conceived 26 children

”I had given myself up for dead and never believed that I could lead a normal life ever again,” Chepang says, smiling. “I feel like I have been given a new lease to life by God himself.”

Chepang now does her part to promote family planning by advising younger women in her village to not bear too many children.

“Sasu-aama [mother-in-law] has advised me not to have more than two children,” Chepang’s daughter-in-law, Sharmila, says shyly.

Source: Global Press Institute - Tuesday, April 26, 2011

These Girls' Fate?

Despite Rapid Growth, India Lets Its Girls Die
By MUNEEZA NAQVI, Associated Press

MORENA, India – The room is large and airy, the stone floors clean and cool — a welcome respite from the afternoon sun. Until your eyes take in the horror that it holds. Ten severely malnourished children — nine of them girls.
The starving girls in this hospital ward include a 21-month-old with arms and legs the size of twigs and an emaciated 1-year-old with huge, vacant eyes. Without urgent medical care, most will not live to see their next birthday.
They point to a painful reality revealed in India's most recent census: Despite a booming economy and big cities full of luxury cars and glittering malls, the country is failing its girls.
Early results show India has 914 girls under age 6 for every 1,000 boys. A decade ago, many were horrified when the ratio was 927 to 1,000.
The discrimination happens through abortions of female fetuses and sheer neglect of young girls, despite years of high-profile campaigns to address the issue. So serious is the problem that it's illegal for medical personnel to reveal the gender of an unborn fetus, although evidence suggests the ban is widely circumvented.
"My mother-in-law says a boy is necessary," says Sanju, holding her severely malnourished 9-month-old daughter in her lap in the hospital. She doesn't admit to deliberately starving the girl but only shrugs her own thin shoulders when asked why her daughter is so sick.
She will try again for a son in a year or two, she says.
Part of the reason Indians favor sons is the enormous expense in marrying off girls. Families often go into debt arranging marriages and paying elaborate dowries. A boy, on the other hand, will one day bring home a bride and dowry. Hindu custom also dictates that only sons can light their parents' funeral pyres.
But it's not simply that girls are more expensive for impoverished families. The census data shows that the worst offenders are the relatively wealthy northern states of Punjab and Haryana.
In Morena, a sun-baked, largely rural district in the heart of India, the numbers are especially grim. This census showed that only 825 girls for every 1,000 boys in the district made it to their sixth birthdays, down from an already troubling 829 a decade ago.
Though abortion is allowed in India, the country banned revealing the gender of unborn fetuses in 1994 in an attempt to halt sex-selective abortions. Every few years, federal and state governments announce new incentives — from free meals to free education — to encourage people to take care of their girls.
In Morena, a Madhya Pradesh state government program offers poor families with one or two daughters a few thousand rupees (a few hundred dollars) for every few years of schooling, and more than 100,000 rupees ($2,250) when they graduate high school.
But while a handful of Indian women have attained some of the highest positions in politics and business — from late Prime Minister Indira Gandhi to Pepsi CEO Indra Nooyi — a deep-rooted cultural preference for sons remains.
Even the government has accepted that it has failed to save millions of little girls.
"Whatever measures that have been put in over the last 40 years have not had any impact," India's Home Secretary G.K. Pillai said last month when announcing the census numbers.
In Morena's homes, villages, schools and hospitals lie some of the answers to why the country keeps losing girls.
In the district hospital's maternity ward, a wrinkled old woman walks out holding a just-born girl wrapped in a dirty rag like an unwelcome present. Munni, who uses only one name, is clearly unhappy. Her daughter-in-law has just given birth to her sixth girl in 12 years of marriage.
Will the daughter-in-law go through another pregnancy?
"Everyone wants boys. A boy takes care of you in your old age," Munni says.
As a mother-in-law, Munni will likely have enormous control over her son's wife, influencing how many children she has and nudging or bullying her to bear a son.
The hospital insists it strictly obeys the law against using sonograms to reveal the gender of a fetus, says R.C. Bandil, who heads the facility. The sex ratio at birth at his hospital is as high as 940-945, he says. "Why is it 825 for the 0-6 group?" he asks.
Part of the answer lies in his own hospital's malnutrition ward.
"Women cry when they have girls," nurse Lalitha Gujar says as she spoons powdered coconut, peanuts and sesame seeds into bowls of fortified milk to nourish the tiny children.
All nine mothers of the sickly infant girls say they want sons — to look after them when they get old, because their sisters-in-law have more sons, because their mothers-in-law demand male children.
"If a woman has a boy, for a month she will be looked after. If she has a girl, she'll be back in the fields in three days," says Sudha Misra, a local social worker.
An exhausted mother who faces neglect, poor nutrition and blame for producing a daugher is likely to pass on that neglect, social workers say. For an infant, that can mean the difference between life and death.
"A malnourished child will get sick and the chances of death are very high," Bandil says.
Males get first priority. "First the husband is seated and fed, then the brothers and then whatever is left is fed to the girls," says Bandil. "If there are two mangoes in the house, first the boy will get to eat."
For the very poor, the pressures to bear sons result in mistreatment of both the baby girl and mother. And rich women are not immune to this mistreatment if they fail to bear male children.
For those with money, it's often about being able to locate a radiologist who, for a cost, will break the law and reveal the sex of the fetus, or being able to fly abroad for such tests.
A 2007 study by the rights group ActionAid India found that gender ratios were worse in urban areas, and that sex-selective abortions were more common among wealthier and higher-caste people who could afford ways to learn the gender of fetuses.
The law is not enough to combat "a society that values boys over girls," says Ravinder Kaur, a professor of sociology at New Delhi's Indian Institute of Technology.
"Laws are good because they may act as a deterrent" she says, but sex-selective abortions continue underground because "people find more devious ways."

Source: News. Yahoo - Wednesday, May 4, 2011

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Virginia Girl Found Eating Herself In Cage In Mobile Home; parents Brian and Shannon Gore Charged
By Michael Sheridan

Gloucester Sheriff's Dept.

Brian Gore, 29, and Shannon Gore, 25, face child abuse and murder charges.

 

A young girl was found caged and attempting to eat herself in a mobile home in Virginia, and cops say her parents are responsible.
The malnourished girl, believed to be either 5 or 6, was discovered in a crib that was converted into a makeshift cage after police arrived at the home in Gloucester County to investigate a burglary last week.
The girl's parents, Brian and Shannon Gore, were arrested and charged with felony child abuse. The mother was also charged with attempted capital murder.
However, the gruesome twosome now faces first-degree murder charges after the remains of what authorities believe to be another child were found buried outside their mobile home.
"I've done this for 20 years, and I've never seen anything like this in my life," Gloucester Sheriff's Maj. Darrell Warren said.
A month-old baby boy was also found in the home, but was in good condition. Both he and the older girl are now in the care of the county Department of Social Services.
The horrific find came as police investigated a robbery on April 17.


A child's remains were found buried outside the Gores' home. (WTKR)

A nearby homeowner reported his house was broken into and claimed gold bullion, a vacuum cleaner, a passport, $2,000 in cash and other items had been stolen, according to a police report.
Investigators trailed the bullion to an auction house, which claimed to have bought the gold from 25-year-old Shannon Gore.
Authorities arrived at her mobile home in Gloucester with a search warrant when they made the shocking discovery.
The girl's blond-hair was matted and filled with knots. She wore only a diaper and t-shirt and was eating flakes of dried skin on her body.
Brian Gore, 29, reportedly told police the girl had been kept in the cage since the summer.
"It was horrific. I don't know what else to say," Lt. Scott Little of the Sheriff's Department told Virginia's Daily Press on Friday.
"They seemed like nice people," neighbor Tim Hudnall told the newspaper. He noted he had seen the baby boy, but never saw a girl with the Gores in the six years they've been neighbors.
"He was really a nice guy," Brian Gore's ex-girlfriend, Sandy, told WTKR 3 News in Norfolk. "He went to church and everything."
Deputies discovered the child's remains while digging under and around a shed at the mobile home Friday evening. The age, gender and identity of the remains are not known, pending an examination by the state Medical Examiner's Office.
The Gores are being held in prison as authorities determine how the child died. An autopsy report by the state medical examiner is pending.

Source: New York Daily News - Wednesday, May 4, 2011

The Other World - Saka, As It Is Known Today (2)

I brought 'pulut kuning', turmeric yellow glutinous rice, with chicken 'rendang' to Mak Maznah*'s house yesterday.

She thanked Me profusely, kissing Me all over the face.
I had fulfilled My promise, much earlier than expected.
I had made the elderly woman happy once again.

I promised to have it prepared when I invited her over to My place end of this month.
But thinking back, there will be many more of others, so I brought it forward, much to her delight.

Luckily it was around 3pm when We reached her place yesterday.
She said since wanting 'pulut kuning', something will stuck on her throat after Maghrib, when night started to fall.
She was unable to take in any food.

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Mak Maznah recited a very long prayer before the food, then took a small portion of it, made into a small ball, and popped it into her mouth.
After a few more, she was done with it.
She said, two beautiful maidens always appeared in front of her eyes...

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When she dropped by My house last month, she told Me of her craving for 'pulut kuning'.
A grandmother who love My Children dearly, I can never say 'No' to her.
She had always prepared and cooked for My Family of what We like, especially when My Daughter was around.

After I agreed to prepare the food, she said maybe it was her 'saka' who needed it.
I was momentarily stunned with her admission, but I could not take back My words.

I had completely forgotten that I knew of her craving for 'pulut kuning' every few months, and usually I just brushed it off.
I did not usually entertain to her need.

As I had blogged "here" about 'saka'...

'saka' are jinns or genies.
They are GOD's creations from fire, living creatures like us.
They live in human body with or without the human's knowledge.
Sometimes their behaviour influence the human's daily chores.
Although some were family's inheritance, yet there are cases where the bad spirits chose to be with them, with or without their knowledge.
These bad spirits are some of evil jinns or genies, and some are from Lucifer's family or Lucifer itself.
That is why relationship in whatever form is not encouraged, if not forbidden, as...

But seeing Mak Maznah getting on with her age, I don't know when will be the last service of mine for her.
If I were to brush it off again, I fear of regretting it.
Afterall, she sees and treat My Children like her own grandkids.

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In her own admission, and yes, I knew it too, she had tried to 'throw' the 'saka' away.
Then, when she asked for 'blangkon', a traditional Javanese headdress worn by men and made of batik fabric, I did not think much of it.
I just got it one for her when I went to Java.
When she told Me the blangkon's usage for 'buang saka', I did not fully understand it.

But as I am posting this, what she said...
To believe or not to believe...
One thing I knew, she is not lying...

******

When I knew Mak Maznah in the 90s, I saw the strength in her, absolutely not like women, nor ordinary men. Super, super strength she had.
But honestly, I did not admire, but afraid seeing her being too strong, and too brave to anybody and everybody.
No fear at all.

I was confused.
My Husband too.
When he saw with His own eyes of Mak Maznah carrying My Late Father's two big antique teakwood chairs, one on each left and right hand, He had the shock of His life.

Another time, when I told Him Mak Maznah had hacked down the big never-without-fruits 'jambu air' or wax apple tree with just a few hackings, He turned disbelieve.
Hard for Him to digest what was being seen, said and heard...

******

Mak Maznah used to work as a 'samsui' woman, whose work had contributed to Singapore's development. She made tarred roads in Singapore, and she mixed cement too, with her bare hands.

The 'red bandana' woman, the red head-cover woman she was, but no, she is not Chinese.
But not too sure either if her race is of Bugis, Javanese or Malay origin.

She mixed with a lot of Chinese, having stayed with them in Nee Soon and Kranji.
Sometime, she was the only Malay in the cramped rented housing.
Despite that, they looked after each other, helping each other out, thus forming tight bondings.

All her life, maybe the way too much energy she had, had been a life of hardship.
She was a bread-winner to not only her family, but others too, always putting others before herself, despite she was known to be afraid of no one.

She had minded others' children.
Many children.
Even today, whenever she saw one of the Singapore Member of Parliment on tv, she never fails to tell Me to send her regards to him.
(*Hey, voting coming soon. Really looking forward to it. My vote shall be...)

She saw him growing up, washed and ironed his school uniform.
She worked in his grandfather's household in T.K.

The grandfather, being a charitable man, his house was never without guests.
Especially during Rabi'ul Awwal, the birth and death day of The Prophet Muhammad s.a.w., guests from as far away as India, converged at his place...

******

I had blogged 'here', when Mak Maznah was staying in Pasir Panjang when she was small, she saw, and talked to a woman who had just died of childbirth few hours earlier.

Earlier on, even smaller, before she moved to Singapore, when she stayed in Perak (at Sungai Datok if I'm not wrong), she used to talk to 'orang bunian', who live like ordinary human beings. 

'Orang bunian', according to wikipedia, are supernatural beings in Malay legends, similar to elves.
But I believe, GOD created humans as the most supernatural beings.
(Read again My take on 'saka').

Mak Maznah used to see these 'orang bunian', who existed in large communities, doing their daily fishing, usually with their family members.
Unlike humans who use rods and nets, these 'orang bunian', Mak Maznah said, just scooped up the fishes with their bare hands.
These 'orang bunian', they walked on water.
She used to see them fishing, carrying with them pails to place their daily catch, and talked to them as they fished.
Her conversation puzzled her grandmother, whenever seeing her talking, questioning and replying to someone.

Not only that, she used to see, and chased away without fear, thirsty 'jerangkung', or skeletal frame of human beings, loitering and wondering around houses where water was placed beside the staircase, leading up to those houses.
Just these few for now...

******

Having shared all the above incidences, the 'saka' in Mak Maznah is not she wanted.
Already having it inside her, possibly, she wanted to remove it from her.
How bad the 'saka' is?

Usually, before I visit Baitullah, I would make possible a person's journey to places they wish or need to go.
So, in 2002 before Our 'Umrah Ramadhan', I asked her to perform her 'Umrah', which she did.

I had prepared for the worst.
I had live to see the "Tok "who could not say ALLAH which I had just posted.
I had seen too, of My ex-neighbour, who saw herself all skeleton for three years, which I had posted somewhere.
And I had seen incidence during My first time Haj which I had not shared with readers.

Really, I had prepared for the worst...

But when Mak Maznah was in Mecca, performing her 'Umrah', I dream of her presenting Us a very big bowl of noodle...
Upon her return, I made Our wish known, to send her for Haj.
But, as she is always putting others before herself, she wanted the money to help her another adopted son in his business, which We declined.
It was meant for her.

Yesterday, when I returned home, I was preparing for the worst.
Will the 'saka', she passed on to Me?
She, having no children of herself, only an adopted son who is now living with her...

Mak Maznah is not a bad person.
She always put others before herself.   

The Maid - When Society Stood By Them

Parents Spoiling Children With Chaperon ‘Services’  
By MARIAM NIHAL

JEDDAH: Parents and teachers have criticized the treatment of maids forced to accompany children to school and act as their personal assistants or chaperons.

They told Arab News it is a disturbing trend and demeaning to the maids.
Samah Bukhary, a teacher at an international school in Jeddah, feels maids are abused and disrespected when they are made to do everyday chores children can do themselves.
“As soon as students leave their classes, maids are usually seen waiting outside to carry children’s bags to the cars and often they even carry their drinks. It would be an understatement to say this is a little too supercilious.”
Most upper and middle class families in Saudi Arabia keep maids. Most parents argue they provide maids to escort their children to schools on safety grounds.
“Since I cannot drop my child off to school every morning, she has to go with a driver who I cannot trust completely, So I send my maid along. If my maid has to wait, then she does and that is that,” said Ghada Amdar, 34.
Others feel this is only an excuse for the way parents spoil their children.
“It is impractical. What about other countries or even children in the same school who do not have chaperons? It is lame to believe this safety theory. Children can hold their own belongings and look after themselves. That is exactly what they are supposed to be learning,” Ali Nadeem, 35, told Arab News.
Maids usually assemble before school ends to pick up children and help escort them home.
Sana Mahmoud, 25, thinks it is a chance for maids to get together and enjoy time off work.
“They enjoy the gatherings. I usually send my maid an hour before it is home time for the kids so she can hang out with her friends. She does not mind the wait.”
Private tutors say the idea of using maids is bizarre. “The girls always bring along maids who sit for three hours doing nothing. I have witnessed outrageous incidents where the student uses the washroom and the maid goes in to flush it and clean up after her because her majesty could not be bothered to do so. That is just shameful,” said one of them.
Mahira Awais, a 34-year-old parent, believes maids can hinder a child’s development.
“If this is the way then how would we instill a sense of responsibility in children? They leave trash lying around after break time but this is not their home and the maids should not clean up their mess. Except, with their personal maids at schools too, parents ignore the bigger picture.”
Maher Atallah, a 46-year-old father, believes it is a trend that happens at local schools only. “International schools do not tolerate bad behavior, it is against their ethos. Children need to develop independent traits and look after themselves as that helps build confidence.”

Source: Arab News - April 15, 2011
 

******

The article above reminded Me of one in Stomp - March 27, 2011, picked up by other papers, foreign too, bloggers, became topic for days, and turned into hot issue.
It's here.

NSmen Trained To Be Fit, Strong Soldiers -- Yet This One Makes Maid Carry Backpack

STOMPer Zhivago was shocked to find this photo on Facebook, apparently showing a national serviceman making his maid carry his backpack.

Said the STOMPer:

"This photo is taken off Facebook with the caption 'Why we need foreign talents in Singapore!'

"It was taken near Tanah Merah MRT."

STOMPer totallyshocked who also received this picture said:

"Our new generation of NSmen.

"I received this photo from a friend.

"As you can see, he was busy SMSing away while his helper carried his field pack.

"Ah boy, might as well bring her to war next time too."

STOMPer iffin said:

"Is army discipline getting worse nowadays?

"Here is an army boy asking his maid to carry his field pack for him.

"Maybe he is not manly enough to carry in his own?"

******

Three days later, those with artistic talent came up with these...

Sedia! Here Comes The SAF Maid Platoon

The story on the NSman who made his maid carry his field pack has sparked a series of parodies by netizens, proving that Singaporeans do have a quirky sense of humour.

One person with an obvious artistic talent even drew a spoof of the incident.

The original photo was first sent in by STOMPer Zhivago, who said that it was taken near Tanah Merah MRT station.

STOMPer Platoon Leader, who sent in pictures of these parodies, said:

"I had a great laugh when I saw these parodies!

"It's good to know that Singaporeans look at the lighter side of things, and laugh at ourselves.

"My favourite picture has to be the one showing the 'maid platoon' marching out of the parade square."

 

******

Recruit Who Made Maid Carry Field Pack Owns Up: Mindef

The SAF serviceman who was photographed with his maid carrying his field pack has identified himself to his Commander and has been counselled, says Mindef.

The photographed was posted in STOMP on Mar 27 and had ignited an uproar among netizens, who questioned if youths today are too 'spoilt' and 'pampered'.

In a letter to The Straits Times Forum Page, Colonel Desmond Tan, Director of Mindef Public Affairs, said:

"The Singapore Armed Forces (SAF) has completed its investigation into the recent case of a serviceman who was photographed with his domestic helper carrying his field pack (“Deafening silence in army backpack saga’’ by Mr Patrick Tan; Saturday).

"The serviceman concerned has identified himself to his Commander.

"He was a recruit undergoing the Physical Training Preparatory phase prior to the Basic Military Training phase.

"The recruit is remorseful for his actions and realises that it was wrong for him to have allowed this.

"He has been counselled and continues his training. The SAF has reminded all servicemen to be mindful of their conduct in public."

Source: Singapore Seen. Stomp - April 4, 2011

Of Non-Stop Crying Or Not Crying At All

Folk Remedies For Colic Do Not Work, Review Says

By LINDSEY TANNER

CHICAGO – That nonstop crying of a baby with colic has some parents turning to popular folk remedies. Unfortunately, there's no good evidence they work, according to a review of 15 studies.
The results don't surprise New York City mom Leni Calas, 32. She tried many treatments studied, including fennel extract, sugar drops and massage, and says nothing worked for baby Roxy, who cried almost nonstop for six months.
"Our daughter would wake up and cry literally morning to night without napping," Calas said. "She would just literally scream herself purple, and then throw up because she had been screaming so much."
Calas said she and her husband couldn't accept what doctors told them — that there was nothing wrong with their baby and that she'd outgrow the crying spells. But that's exactly what happened.
And that's what most doctors believe about colic, which affects up to roughly 20 percent of U.S. babies, usually in the first few months of life.
If a physical problem can be found, the condition is usually not considered colic. Gastric reflux and protein allergies are among conditions that can cause digestive upsets and crying spells in babies, and are often mistakenly called colic.
That may explain why some remedies thought to ease digestive problems may not work in babies with true colic, including alternative treatments containing fennel, herbal teas and probiotics, which all were included in the medical review.
Alternative remedies are not tested and approved by the federal government, and the purity and amounts of their ingredients are not always verified. Parents should always check with their pediatricians if they plan to give their children an alternative treatment, said Dr. Jatinder Bhatia, head of the American Academy of Pediatrics nutrition committee.
The study by researchers at the University of Exeter in England was published online Monday in Pediatrics. The researchers analyzed results from 15 studies on various alternative remedies, massage and chiropractic methods advertised as effective against colic. Overall, almost 1,000 infants were involved.
Few of the studies were rigorously conducted and all had "major limitations," the researchers said.
"Thus, the notion that any form of complementary and alternative medicine is effective for infantile colic is currently not supported from the evidence" studied, they said.
None of the studies reported side effects, but one involving an herbal remedy listed vomiting, constipation and other symptoms possibly related to the treatment.
Although there were promising signs with a few treatments, including fennel extract, herbal teas and sugar solutions, better research is needed to provide conclusive evidence, said researcher Rachel Perry, the review's lead author.
Her own two children had colic, but it disappeared around the time she tried giving them an over-the-counter herbal liquid promoted as effective against colic.
Because colic does go away on its own, it's hard to determine whether specific treatments might work, she said.
"As a desperate mother, I can understand the sort of desire to try anything," Perry said.
She urged parents not to give up, since it's possible better designed studies on alternative remedies will show more definitive results.
Bhatia, a professor at Georgia Health Sciences University, said the study results don't mean that none of the treatments will work for any baby. Some parents do report success with alternative remedies. Sometimes that might be because parents think it will work and they feel calmer, which can in turn calm the baby — a placebo effect. But even if there's only a placebo effect, there's no reason not to continue, as long as doctors have been consulted and the treatment is safe, Bhatia said.
Parents should always check with their pediatricians if they plan to give their children an alternative treatment, said Bhatia, For Leni Calas' baby Roxy, now almost 2, the incessant crying spells tapered down and by 9 months disappeared.
Calas said she's convinced of one thing "that no one wants to hear — that the only thing that really does cure it is time."
___
Online:
American Academy of Pediatrics: http://www.aap.org

Source :News Yahoo - March 28, 2011

******

Toddler Tianna May Die If She Cries
By JOEL TAYLOR

Little Tianna Lewis McHugh Is The Girl Who Cannot Cry.

She has a rare condition which means her tears could trigger a fatal fit.

Tianna McHugh suffers Reflex Anoxic Seizures, which can be fatal

Her parents Ceri Lewis and Andy McHugh face a tense daily battle to make sure she doesn't cry.
The two-year-old looks as if she has died when she has a terrifying Reflex Anoxic Seizure.
Her skin turns white, her body stiffens, her heart stops beating and she stops breathing.

Other children with the condition react to pain, fear or fright, but Tianna has a form so extreme that simply crying can trigger a fit.
Tianna, of Wrexham, was diagnosed with the condition aged 18 months and has survived ten seizures since. The most serious one lasted two hours.
Describing the first fit, mother Ceri, 23, said: 'She looked like she had died. She went a deathly grey, her lips and around her eyes were blue and her eyes rolled back in her head. I was hysterical.'
Father Andy, 30, said he had to resuscitate his daughter.
'After five or six blows she took a massive breath and came around crying her eyes out,' said the car sales executive.
Tianna suffered her last seizure in July and her parents are hoping she will grow out of the condition.

Source: Metro.co.uk - November 3, 2009

The Maid - Excessive Baggage + + (3)

I was at the maid agency three Saturdays ago with Suri*.
No, not to send her back, but I needed her feedback for a maid whom she can work with, for My Mother, who is closing in to 80-years old.

Although doctor gave My Mother a clean bill of health, but normal mobility is sometime handicapped.
Age is fast catching up on her.
Now, she had decided to stay at any of Her Children's houses.
But Her Daughters, except Me, will be in school in the day.
So, the only option is to get a minder to accompany Her.
The Grandchildren are either working or in schools too.

After the selected biodatas of maids willing to look after the aged, I passed to Suri.
She rejected all, except one. 

"Kenapa yang itu saja?" I asked Suri.

"Saya pilih yang dari Demak atau Pati saja. Biar Nyai senang bicara."

Brilliant girl!
I had never think of it.
My Mother's Maternal side from Pati and her father from Demak, both in Central Java.
It just so happened that Suri is from Demak too.

Alas, the maid she selected, from Pati, is still in Jakarta.
She will only be available in a month's time, that is, if she pass her test.

There was a transfer maid from Pati, but the first impression said, better not ask her to work.
Her weak and pale look said she should be having a long, good rest. 
True enough, she was returned for the third time, all being sick while at work.

Very rare can we find a maid from Demak, being the province having enough for all, according to the agency's boss, Madam Sarah*

A month, too long the wait.
For reasons known to us, Madam Sarah would also prefer us to have a maid from Central Java too.
We had no other choice but to end up choosing another available transfer maid from Surabaya.

If given the choice, the maid from Surabaya will not want to work for the elderly.
Willing or not to be with elderly, the feeling can be nurtured, said Suri.

Before Suri entered into My Sister's household, she knew she will not want if asked to work for elderly too. But because of filial piety, nature took its course.
Before she realised, great concern for My Mother developed naturally in Suri*.

******

"Ini Suri*?" Asked Madam Sarah.  

"Ya, Bu," she replied.

Madam Sarah had failed to recognise Suri, one of her maids, after a lapse of five years.
She realised the total transformation of the girl since five years ago.
She does not look like a maid, nor look Indonesian.
She looks 100% Singaporean, with ordinary youngster's dressing.

Seeing Suri had made her day, said Madam Sarah.
The sight of Suri that night assured her of a good night sleep.

Earlier, for the whole day, Madam Sarah was plagued with a problematic maid.
The whole day she was attending to a maid, whom she said, pushed away good luck.
The maid was about to finish her two-year contract when she was asked to continue her service.
The two toddlers she looked after, four and two-years old, are too attached with her.

The maid laid down her term for extension.
She needs off days, which the employer agreed, for the toddlers' sake.

The employer was at her working place when she received a police call.
She was asked to pick her maid at the police station.
She thought nothing of it, just some innocent offence of littering, she told herself.

But her domestic worker gave her the shock of her life - She was caught with a Bangladeshi man in a very compromising act at the beach not far from her house.
The employer was then shown the maid's handphone by the police.
It shocked her more - Her intimate photos with a male.

Worst shock of all, the four and two-years old toddlers were locked at home.
Just the two of them, to fend for themselves.

****** 

Pregnant Indonesian Maid Leapt To Her Death

A pregnant Indonesian maid took her own life when she became emotionally upset that her married boyfriend refused to break off with his girlfriend in Batam, a coroner's court heard.

Anis Dwi Rianawati had asked her 45-year-old Malaysian boyfriend to choose between her and his girlfriend in Batam hours before her death.

Her boyfriend requested time to think about it. During their long conversation at his place on Oct 24 last year, Rianawati, 29, had swallowed some health supplements belonging to her boyfriend, who stopped her and kept patting her back to get her to throw out.

Anis lost consciousness for a while and when she came to, he tried to stop her from leaving as he was afraid that she would do something foolish. But Anis managed to get a cab back to her employer's apartment block in Meyer Road. He drove there and called her down to talk things over. She again insisted that he call his girlfriend in Batam but he refused. She tried to call her but there was no response.

She then threatened to take her own life. Her boyfriend followed her into the lift and she threatened to jump when the lift reached the 20th floor. They got to the ground floor and she ran out.

When he found her near the guard house, she again asked him to call his girlfriend to break up with her, but he ignored her and left. That was the last time Anis was seen alive.

Source: The Jakarta Globe - February 7, 2011

******

A month into her job as domestic worker in July 2008, 24-year old Umi Umiroh from West Java, was plagued by dreams of a crying baby in her employer's semi-detached house.
She did not understand why.

She told her friends about her dreams the next day.
She usually met them at Ling Kwang Home in Serangoon Gardens, the old age home, where she took her employer's mother for therapy sessions twice a week.

They said thing that shocked her - It was the ghost of the previous maid's baby that haunted her.
Later that day, while trimming grass in the garden, she smelled something foul.
Remembering what her friends had said, she related her fears to her employer, Patricia Goh.

The bombshell was dropped - Kirun*, the previous domestic worker, had given birth to a baby.
She then allegedly killed it and buried it in the garden of the two-storey semi-detached house.

A police report was made that same night.
The next day at about 9am, the police, accompanied by four sniffer dogs, spent three hours in the garden. Then the uniform personnel was seen digging up something buried about 15cm deep into the soil.
It was wrapped with a yellow batik cloth.

Some small bones were recovered and analysed by the Health Science Authority.
The baby had allegedly been born prematurely.
It was not known when the baby was buried and no foul smell came from the garden.

None of Patricia's family members had any idea that Kirun was pregnant.
She was always seen wearing loose-fitting batik dresses or oversized T-shirts.

Kirun, married with two children, was employed by Patricia's younger brother in June 2006.
The siblings live with their elderly parents in their house along Hillside Drive.

Kirun's main job was to take the siblings' 82-year-old mother to Ling Kwang Home in Serangoon Gardens, for physiotherapy sessions twice a week.
She had been disabled for three years after suffering a stroke.
They would take a taxi to reach the home, a facility for the elderly, spending about seven hours from 8.30am to 3pm.
Kirun went back to her hometown in Surabaya, Indonesia, on 22nd of June.
.
Umi Umiroh arrived at Ms Goh's house on 6th June, spent two weeks with Kirun before she returned home. Umi was employed because Kirun's contract with them had ended.

It was at the Ling Kwang Home that Umi heard from other maids about Kirun and her premature baby.
She heard from their mutual friends, domestic workers too, about Kirun's confession.
She told her friends she had secretly given birth to a premature baby girl in the toilet of her employer's house. She was allegedly about seven months pregnant at the time.
She did not know what to do with the baby, so she just killed her, and later buried in the backyard.

Occasionally, according to Patricia, Kirun tend to be rude and talked back.
Desite being grumpy, she completed the household chores.
The incident reminded Patricia when she saw Kirun boiling water with ginger to drink.
Perhaps she was nursing a cold, or she could have just given birth then.

The siblings were not strict with Kirun.
She was given Sundays off whenever she asked for them.

******

Kirun, before her departure, had told Umi that she had at least two boyfriends in Singapore.

When asked about her boyfriend, Kirun told Umi about having an abortion after being pregnant for three months.
The aborted baby had been fathered by the Bangladeshi boyfriend.

A week after the chat, Umi saw Kirun taking post-natal jamu (herbs).
Umi asked her if she was pregnant, as she was concerned about Kirun spending time with her boyfriend. Before she met her Bangladeshi boyfriend, she was seeing a Myanmar national.
Kirun was able to meet the men while waiting for the therapy sessions at the old age home to end.

Umi told her not to do indecent things since she has a husband and two teenage children back home.
Umi told her not to be crazy by becoming pregnant, as she would get kicked out of Singapore.
Kirun shrugged the reminder off.
She had relationship with her Bangladeshi boyfriend who gave her $10 each time they met.

Three days before Kirun left Singapore, she took Umi out to meet her Bangladeshi boyfriend, who asked her to be his girlfriend after Kirun returned home.

Umi Umiroh had left her own baby in the care of her parents to come to work in Singapore.
Her husband died in a car accident a year ago when she was six months' pregnant with their first child.

She never thought such a nice person like Kirun, would have not only an abortion, but went so far as to kill her own living baby.

The Maid - Excessive Baggage + + (2)

No less than RM8,000 is the amount that employer needs to pay to have a maid.
It is then deducted through the maid's salaries for six months.

M.S. wrote, "Maybe, we should be more humanitarian, and pay her something from the first month, perhaps not the full salary, but a decent amount for her to send back home. Her family will be happy and so will she."
??????

M.S. wrote, "Sometimes, the maid will still want to leave anyway.

Then let her go.

But, with a good employer, the maid will not run away unless she is a psychotic.

She asked, "Will a maid run away if she is happy in a home, if she feels she is trusted, if she is given more than what she has contracted to do?"

That is the secret.

But if you are an employer who wants his or her pound of flesh, then be prepared for your maid to flee."

******

A reader, in response to a Malay Mail article written by Muzli Md Zin on January 18, 2011 - "I Don't Care: It's A Maid Problem" wrote,

BRAVO!!! Exactly the problem I am facing. After my last maid who worked for me for 4years took 1 month break to visit her "sick" mother with 4yrs salaries in CASH (she insisted CASH) in late Nov 10 and never returned. she did not even leave the country. i sent her to KLIA, checked her in, got passed Immigration (mind u, I saw she passed with my own eyes and later I have a immigration print out record!!) she did not board the flight (because Airlines called to scream at me for my maid was not there to board and they were delayed) How immigration left her out AFTER they stamped her passport of leaving Malaysia is still a mystery to this day!!! So here comes the serious of run around gave me by authorities (police, Immigration & airport security) finally I have to pay FINE to cancelled her permit!!!! I applied for new maid.. Guess what I cannot afford to pay AGENCY FEE “RM 8500.00” which does not grantee a good maid as if the run away or not suitable I still have to pay another RM1980.00 + immigration FINE RM250. oh by the way, I treated my last maid like my own sister!!! And we do not know any “Pak Latif”, so I am between work and caring of my children… and very clearly nearing to loose my JOB!! who cares about middle class like us :-(

******

There are a small number of foreign maids who run away because of abusive employers.
These maids generally seek assistance from either the Indonesian embassy or non-governmental organisations.
These maids should be warn of implications when trying to run away.
There are bound to be difference working in a different country with different culture.
They have to be open minded about it.
It is usually the culture, language, stress and human factor - fussy employers which cause maids to run away.
Adaptation and accustomisation, on some maids are quick,while others, may take a longer time to do so.

Although only a handful of these maids would eventually run away, most of the time,they did so due to external factors - unable to cope with workload or  their employers, or just being unable to adjust themselves living in a new environment.

******

Then there are those runaways influenced by third party.
Maids sometimes mingled with outsiders and fellow nationals who influenced them to run away with promises of easier and better-paying jobs.
Some find boyfriends, thus can be influenced to leave her job and enjoy an easier life with him.
Scores of foreign maids run away annually and in many instances take along their employer's cash and valuables with them.

A maid of 9 years had ran off with cash and jewellery valued about RM10,000.

She managed to take her passport, which the employer locked away.

Despite being treated at all times as part of family members, she eloped with her newfound boyfriend who present her with a handphone.

The employer's standard one daughter's emotion was affected by her disappearance, as she was being cared for by her, since birth.

******

Children who have been brought up by maids still think fondly of their maids.
Runaway maids, not just financial losses the family suffered, but the children too, whom the maid looked after. They also suffered as there were emotional ties involved.
We can change our mindset, accepting their runaway, but not the kids.
Toddlers and small kids are innocent in trust and love they have, for their minders.

******

Runaway maids are major problems faced by employers.
These maids can reenter the country as individuals on social visit passes through various illegal entry points into the country.
Once they gain entry under different identities, they can easily find employment.
They can be rehired by other unsuspecting employers.

Meanwhile, their former employers, on the other hand, have to fork out another thousands RM again, to hire new maids after their earlier help runs away with valuables.

Last year alone, there were 314 reports of maids running away after stealing from their employers.
Another 418 maids ran away without taking anything.
These included maids who committed various crimes.

******

It is estimated that at least 50,000 households are in need of maids.
There are about 400,000 Indonesian maids working in Malaysia sending money to their families back home.

M.S. wrote: We have to learn to trust maids.

Treat them with respect and kindness in word, thought and deed.

A kind gesture goes a long way
.

But when the maid is an opportunist sort, kind gesture will be misunderstood, or be taken advantage of.

Some maids set their own rules, keep praising themselves, claiming others are not as good enough as them.
They can be big headed, turn rebellious, talk back and yell at employers, telling them what to do.
I've came across many such cases, especially when they know asking for another change of maids mean employers have to retrain new maids all over again.
Especially when they do not have much time in hands.
Employers will then  find ways to win the maids' hearts, to love their kids.
These maids can be spoilt too, unappreciative of kind gestures of all the good things in life, employers shower on them.
Employers will be punished for abusing their maids, but employers abused by their maids?
Lesson learnt.

******

Then there are cases of lazy maids who perform half-heartedly.
And there are those fresh school leavers, never touch any houseworks before.
They need to be taught even simple things as how to sweep and squeeze the mops
I've met many maids who are not poor back home, nor in great financial difficulties.
They become housemaids because of current trend in their home villages, where females become housemaids in foreign lands.
Upon their return, the neighbourhood 'will stood up' to their houses renovations and extensions. 

Watch out for those using your husbands' belongings.

It is all too familiar stories heard of they putting their used sanitary pad into soups, and water that they wash their legs used by their employers' families.

******

I've seen maids who demand to be sent home, crying uncontrollably, even when they understand that they are not allowed home before their two-years is up.
They cook up stories of fathers' very sick, mothers' dying, and grandparents sick too.
At the end of the day, when sympathetic employers sent them home for a week or two, with salaries paid, the maids themselves are usually sick too.
Unable to return!

******

Married maids when receiving news of their husbands run away with another women or marrying another wife, sure have their hearts dissppeared into thin air, followed by tremendous crying episodes.
Employers at these times, have to accept what-to-expect-next.

Or, married maids who extend their services, upon their return from their hometowns, several were known to be carrying babies.
They are usually good helpers, hence the extension.
Sign of relief by employers upon seeing them returning again at the airport will soon ache heads as they need to be send back home, unless employers do not mind if their maids do not have smooth pregnancy.
Again, there are great money involved again, especially when their permits have just been renewed.

******

Usually employers will buy their maids, especially when they are first time maids, new lingeries and toiletries to make them having the welcome home feeling.
But maids with attitude problems, even how matured and independent they maybe, will not return kindness with honesty.
They will not hesitate to stealing, even trivial things.

******

Employers And Foreign Maids To Be Told Their Rights

KUALA LUMPUR: Employers must soon attend a half-day course with their newly-employed foreign maids to learn about their rights and responsibilities to each other.

“The course is expected to start at the end of next month. The parties must participate in the course within six months from the time the maids enter the country,” said Human Resources Minister Datuk Dr S. Subramaniam.

Representatives of employment agencies would also join in the course, called the Seminar and Dialogue for Foreign Maids, as there had been complaints against the agencies as well.

The Manpower Department (JTK) will organise such courses nationwide.

“This is to show the world that Malaysia is playing a more positive role to improve on the employer-maid working relationship.

“Although 99% of households with foreign maids are coping well, the one per cent of problematic relationships is giving a wrong impression about the country,” said Dr Subramaniam after the launch of a guidebook on the employment of foreign maids at Socso building here yesterday

The Human Resources Ministry would get the list of new maids entering the country from the Immigration Department and use it to notify the parties supposed to attend the compulsory course.

In May last year, the Malaysian Employers Federation had appealed to the ministry to organise induction courses, as the foreign trainers conducting such courses in source countries might not be familiar with the local culture here.

Last November, there was also a proposal for government officers to conduct “friendly visits” to houses to enquire about the welfare of the foreign maids, but the suggestion was shot down as many felt it was an invasion into their privacy.

On the guidebook, Dr Subramaniam said it outlined the role and responsibilities of each party in the service contract; as well as hotline numbers, websites and addresses of related agencies such as the Immigration Department, JTK and police.

“The guidebook will be given to maids attending the course,” he added.

As for the on-going negotiations with the Indonesian parties wanting a RM800 monthly salary for maids, the minister said Malaysia had countered the proposal by urging for the salary scale to be determined by market forces.

He believed the two sides were keen to resolve outstanding issues the soonest possible.

Last June, Indonesia froze the dispatch of Indonesian maids to Malaysia, following reports of abuse by employers.

Indonesian Ambassador to Malaysia Tan Sri Da’i Bachtiar SH later said that Jakarta would demand higher wages in its negotiations to lift the freeze.

Meanwhile, the Association of Foreign Maid Agencies (Papa) deputy president Foo Yap Hooi agreed with the Government’s proposal to allow market forces dictate wages.

“Better trained maid will be able to command a higher salary. Employers must be sure they are agreeable to the salary stated in the contract.

“If they want to change the maid, they will need to do it within the time period given and pay for the exchange fee,” he said. 

Source: The Star - Februaury 22, 2010

When Siblings Madly Fall For Each Other

It was in the late 70s or early 80s.
Susan, who was engaged to be married, suddenly fled with Beng, her old flame.
They were said off to California to register their union as husband and wife, away from parents and family members.
That was what as being told by Tan, her then-current fiance.

Tan was desperately looking for her everywhere, and dropped by at our working place, hoping that Susan showed up at work.
But she had been absent for more than a week.
She did no call up and during that time, there was no other way to contact her, unless to her house.

Wedding was less than two weeks away but Tan did not rejoice his big day although staff knew he was more madly in love with Susan, way much more than her feeling for him.

******

Being an only child, Susan was showered with immense love from her parents and from Beng, her first love, when he appeared into her life.
After two years of courtship, Beng brought Susan home to meet his parents who had moved to Telok Blangah too.
When the parents from both sides met for marriage discussion, that was the time when history unfolds itself.
It was tragic for Beng to know that Susan is his blood sister that he deeply loves as his true lover.
He packed up, headed to one of the Middle Eastern country to work.

Susan was born in Pulau Blakang Mati into a very big family of thirteen siblings.
She was given away as a newborn, to a childless couple in Telok Blangah, not far from Pulau Blakang Mati, which is now renamed Sentosa Island.

She used to get everything she wanted from her adoptive parents, but unfateful event took its turn.
She lost what she needed - the man of her life.
It took Susan three years to heal.

She then met Tan, the eldest son of a successful entrepreneur.
They were engaged after a year of knowing each other.
Tan knew her background.
He tried hard to make her forgetting the past, up to the point of what we see, as spoiling her.
He showered her with at least two boutique dresses each month, and other female stuff.
He present himself every night to send her home, or she would threw a rage.
He caved into her demands.
But what irked us most, was when Susan pride herself to easily fool and henpecked Tan.
She was convinced of her right to domineering his social life.

We felt sorry for Tan to make himself easily pushed around by Susan.
But no matter how bad we feel for him, maybe he had his valid reason to let himself to be in the situation.

Beng returned to Singapore after being informed of his sister's wedding.
It was close to five-years since he last met Susan, and assumed everything will turn out fine.

But during those time in the Middle East, he could find no girls to heal his bruised heart.
And when Susan knew of his return, she went up to him, wanting him to continue where he punctuated their love-life...

*** Some Changes Made

******

Forbidden Love Of The Brother And Sister

Had it stopped at an appropriate point, the story of Patrick Stuebing and Susan Karolewski could have been poignant and moving.
Separated by adoption in their native East Germany, the siblings met for the first time in 2000 when Patrick tracked down his birth mother and the younger sister he had never met.
If their mother, Ana Marie, were alive today, however, she would, in all likelihood, be wishing her estranged son had never found his way home.
Because for the past seven years, brother and sister have been lovers. In that time they have had four children together - two of whom are mentally and physically disabled and all of whom are now in care.
And despite the fact that 29-year-old Stuebing, an unemployed locksmith, has already served two jail sentences for committing incest with his sister, now aged 22, the couple defiantly refuse to give each other up.
The disturbing story of their twisted relationship emerged this week as the pair announced plans to take their case to Germany's highest legal body, the Constitutional Court, in a bid to legalise their shocking union.
Astonishingly, they are doing so despite the fact that two of their children can barely walk or talk. Experts believe that such birth defects are caused by inbreeding.
But in a case that could have ramifications across Europe, and which has been presented by liberal sympathisers as a romantic battle against oppression, the pair argue that they are being denied the right to sexual freedom.
"We do not feel guilty about what has happened between us," they announced in a statement. "We want the law which makes incest a crime to be abolished."
To most people, this would seem to be an open and shut case. And yet, because Germany's laws on incest were introduced by the Nazis, they are an easy target for Left-wing groups who can conveniently argue that they are nothing more than an extension of the Third Reich's Aryan racial hygiene laws.
Such groups argue that the laws should be overturned in favour of freedom of choice and sexual determination. Or, as the couple's lawyer, Endrik Wilhelm, puts it: "Everyone should be able to do what he wants as long as it doesn't harm others."
But many say the practice of incest does harm others. Children born as a result of incest are at an increased risk of developing severe mental and physical disabilities. Incest laws are seen as a deterrent and help prevent children being born with the disabilities that result from genetic defects and inbreeding.
Back in Germany, the story has provoked moral and scientific outrage.
"When siblings have a child together, there is only a 50 per cent chance that it will be healthy when it is born," Jurgen Kunze, professor of human genetics at Berlin's Charite hospital, told one newspaper.
German newspapers mockingly call them the "forbidden lovers of the Fatherland" but, clutching each other on the sofa at their home in the small village of Grossdalzig near Leipzig, the pair insist they couldn't help themselves.
"We didn't know each other in childhood," says Susan. "It's not the same for us. We fell in love as adults and our love is real. There is nothing we could do about it. We were both attracted to each other and then nature took over from us. It was that simple. What else could we do? We followed our instincts and our hearts."
In fact, as the Mail has discovered, the details of the relationship make uncomfortable reading. Stuebing was the third of eight children born into a poor, uneducated, dysfunctional family. His violent father, now dead, attacked him with a knife when he was three and he was made a ward of court and then adopted. Susan was born into the same unhappy family - on the same day her parents' divorce was finalised.
Her childhood was unspeakably deprived. Her chain-smoking, unemployed mother often left her at home alone, or entertained lovers while she was there. Poorly educated and barely able to write, even today, Susan remembers being unloved and a burden to her mother.
Six other brothers and sisters, some of whom were born with disabilities, died in childhood. One was run over and killed age seven.
Another mentally handicapped sister died age eight. Susan was close to one of her disabled brothers, Andre, but he died in the same year as her mother.
When Stuebing was 18 he decided to find his biological parents. Four years later he tracked down his mother and discovered Susan. He moved in, and, astonishingly, Ana Marie allowed him to share her young daughter's bedroom.
"We both stayed up late into the night to talk to each other about our hopes and dreams," he says.
Six months later, Ana Marie died of a heart attack. Susan was relying more and more on her brother. It is not hard to see how she might have confused such dependency on her brother with love as she struggled to cope without her mother.
In her own words: "Trust grew into a different type of love when our mother died six months later."
Taking into account her lack of education, it is perhaps not surprising. She left school at 15 with no formal qualifications. A reporter who visited her at her home spoke of her obsessive nail biting and the simple way in which she spoke.
The bond appeared to develop out of dependency on Susan's part and perhaps a need to be respected and in charge on Stuebing's.
He says: "I became head of the family and I had to protect my sister. She is very sensitive but we helped each other during this very difficult period and eventually that relationship became physical."
Despite already having experienced a normal relationship with a woman, he insists: "We didn't even know we were doing anything wrong when we started sleeping together. We didn't think about using a condom. We didn't know it was illegal to sleep together.
"Our mother would not have approved, but the only ones who should judge us now is us."
In October 2001, aged just 16, Susan gave birth to a baby boy, Erik. He was taken into care and now - aged five and living with foster parents in Potsdam - can hardly walk or speak properly.
Sarah, now four, was born in 2003 and suffers similar disabilities. She was also taken into care, as was Nancy, nearly three, who appears to be normal. Sophia, now two, was born while Stuebing was in prison.
Under the care of German social services, Susan tried to hide the pregnancy by wearing baggy clothes. She gave birth alone in the bath. Stuebing has since been sterilised in the mistaken belief that if he has no more children with his sister, he will evade jail. And yet both are apparently in denial about their children's disabilities, despite expert opinion.
"Two of our children are disabled," says Stuebing. "But that is not necessarily anything to do with the fact that we are siblings. There are other disabled people in our family. We had six brothers and sisters who did not survive in some cases because they were disabled."
The pair were tried for incest in 2002. The district court in Leipzig heard how from January 2001 until August 2001, Stuebing "had sexual intercourse with his sister 16 times. Only at the beginning did the accused bother using condoms".
Stuebing received a year's suspended jail term after being found guilty on all counts. Susan, then 17, was treated as a juvenile and placed into the care of youth services.
But after the birth of two more children, the court was not so lenient. Stuebing was eventually sentenced to ten months in prison.
They found themselves in court again in 2005 on account of their other daughters and Stuebing was sentenced to two and a half years for re-committing incest.
When he was taken to jail, a tearful Susan told German newspapers she could not live without him. Stuebing threatened to commit suicide. Yet while the brother was locked up, the sister conceived a fifth child by another man.
Even so, upon Stuebing's release, she gushed to German reporters: "I'm so happy Patrick is here and that I have him again. I need him."
Stuebing in turn told the cameras: "I am doing well. I will always be there for Susan and the children."
They have been living together, but he has one year and five months of his sentence still open, and as he is openly back with his sister, he will be jailed again and again unless he can overturn German law.
"We are challenging this law because we do not want to be separated ever again," he says from the two-bedroom council flat where they live with Susan's latest child and a dog called Tyson.
Incredibly, the couple even argue that they might not have had so many children if the first hadn't been taken away. Stuebing says: "The younger children might not have been born had they not taken the first one from us. We just want to make sure that we don't lose everything again."
He and his sister visit their son Erik in care. He adds: "When you see your child being looked after by someone else when they should be with you, that's hard for any parent to bear. So if he is handicapped, well, that is all the more reason we should be able to look after him."
They also talk about wanting their oldest daughter Sarah back with them, but are happy for the others to remain with foster parents. "It would all be too much and we do not have enough room," says Susan, adding with unwitting irony. "We want to do what is best for them."
It is clear she is still utterly dependent on her brother. At home, she likes to read teenage magazines and watch Germany's version of Big Brother.
"When I go to the shops in the village, all the little boys call me rude names," she says. "But I can bear it all as long as Patrick is with me."
Stuebing admits he underwent a vasectomy in the hope it would mean he could live with his sister without fear of further prosecution.
"There is no reason for them to jail me now," he says. "I do not want to go back to jail and I know we will never voluntarily leave each other. If anyone doubts our love they should just see we will not be kept apart."
Few people would see this as a compelling argument to keep him out of prison. But while incest is one of the few remaining sexual taboos, in legal terms, at least, Europe remains divided. France's incest laws were abolished in 1810 by Napoleon. It is also not illegal in the Netherlands, Belgium, Luxembourg, Portugal or Turkey.
But in Britain, incest remains forbidden. The law was extended in 2002 to cover not just blood relatives but also step parents and children and cases of adoption.
If ever there was an argument for retaining incest laws, the story of Patrick Stuebing and his sister Susan Karolewski is surely it.
It is almost inevitable that when Germany's highest court decides on this case in around six weeks time, it will uphold its incest laws and send Stuebing back to jail.
It is a prospect Susan is distraught about. "We want our children back to raise them as a proper family," she says. "We love each other," she adds naively. "Surely that is all that matters?"
In the end, of course, the unfortunate children who have resulted from this twisted union matter far more. Whatever happens, they will have to live with the stigma of their parentage for the rest of their lives.

Source: Dailymail - March 1, 2007