The Maid - Chosen Over Mate

When Men Choose Maid Over Mate

Caught in the act by young son
ADAM (not real name) is a househusband who takes care of his two children while his wife works as a lawyer.

"It was simple at first. After our second child was born, I couldn't handle the additional workload. When I suggested we get a maid, my wife didn't hesitate.

"Although our Cambodian maid was not drop-dead gorgeous, I was attracted to her petite figure and demure character."

After a couple of months, Adam's attraction towards the maid grew.
"I wouldn't say I am a pious man but neither would I have expected to be a cheating husband.

"It all started with an innocent brushing of hands when she passed me a cup of tea.

"I could see that she was not the type to say 'no' to requests. So, when I asked her politely if she would sleep with me, she said okay.

"We started having more and more afternoon 'sessions' while the kids took their naps."

Adam's wife didn't suspect anything. In fact, she felt at ease staying late at the office, knowing that someone was at home to take care of her family.

Adam said: "As much as I tried to stop, I couldn't. Soon, I found myself taking more and more risks. I would even try to get the maid into bed while the kids were watching television in the living room. I knew we could get caught, but that was part of the excitement.

"However, the baffled and confused look on my eldest son's face when he walked in on us one day was all it took.

"It was a good thing my son didn't say anything about it to my wife. But from that day, I stopped sleeping with the maid. I realised that I was hurting two innocent victims." 

When the maid's bed broke
Shana (not real name), 33, first suspected her husband was having an affair with the maid when the maid's bed broke.

"I always knew my husband had a roving eye and would constantly get attention from his female colleagues. But I expected him to have some standard in choosing his affairs.

"Don't get me wrong, I never condoned it but I was willing to put up with it for the sake of the marriage and kids.

"When our first maid confessed that she had slept with my husband, I accused her of lying.

"I packed her bags and asked her to leave. I was under the impression that she only wanted to 'divide and conquer' the family.

"But when our replacement maid's new bed broke, I got suspicious. She was a skinny and small-sized girl and it didn't seem possible for her to break a bed on her own."

Shana's suspicions were confirmed when she caught her husband sneaking out of their bedroom in the middle of the night one day.
"A part of me didn't want to accept what that might mean, but I had to know. After a couple of minutes, I opened my maid's bedroom door and found him on top of her.

"Needless to say, he was dumbfounded and could not weasel his way out of it.

"I filed for divorce and am now happily remarried to an honest, loyal and trustworthy man." 

Expert tips on "affair-proofing" your marriage
UNITED States-licensed marriage and family therapist Dr Johnben Loy, who is also Taylor's University visiting fellow, provides some tips on affair-proofing your marriage. 

Q: Why do you think some men find maids sexually appealing?

A: There is a host of factors to be considered before a man finds a maid appealing, not just for the care she provides. For example, the age and the look may be important.
A maid who is older and more matronly can provide care, but can be perceived as a mother figure. 

Q: What warning signs should wives look out for?

A: One of the main contributors to extramarital affairs is prolonged emotional and physical distance between spouses. Often, the stress of having a second or third child, together with a busy career, can lead to couples growing apart from each other, thereby, creating a tendency towards extramarital relations.
Wives who are concerned can monitor the "emotional temperature" of the relationship to make sure it is warm and the connection is vibrant. 

Q: When it comes to maids, how can couples safeguard their marriage?

A: If a couple is concerned about safeguarding the marriage, the couple can agree to let the wife be in charge of the maid. The husband can request household needs from the wife, who can then instruct the maid to execute the requests.

In addition, the couple needs to make sure not to involve the maid in their personal conflicts, for example, complaining to the maid about the wife or the husband.
Although the maid may be living in the house, it is important to exercise proper boundaries with her and to treat her with the same respect that one would treat a local employee.
Doing these things can help protect the boundary around the husband and wife. 

Q:Should wives take on a more nurturing role in terms of cooking and cleaning for their husbands, instead of leaving these tasks to the maids?

A: In marriages with more traditional role patterns, wives can instruct and manage maids in such a way that the maids are seen as assisting them in their nurturing roles.

The couple can agree to treat the maid as the employee of the wife so that subsequently, even though the tasks are carried out by the maid, the instructions and intentions come from the wife, thereby, strengthening the couple's relationship.

Source: New Straits Times - July 3, 2011

The Choicest Rotten Meat

سُبْحَانَ الَّذِي أَسْرَى بِعَبْدِهِ لَيْلاً مِّنَ الْمَسْجِدِ الْحَرَامِ إِلَى الْمَسْجِدِ الأَقْصَى الَّذِي بَارَكْنَا حَوْلَهُ لِنُرِيَهُ مِنْ آيَاتِنَا إِنَّهُ هُوَ السَّمِيعُ البَصِيرُ 

"GLORY be to GOD Who made HIS Servant to go by night from the Sacred mosque (Mecca) 

to the Farthest Mosque (Jerusalem) 
Of which 

We have Blessed the Precincts, 

so that We may show to Him some of Our Signs; 

surely HE is the Hearing, the Seeing." 

Al-Qur'an - Surah Al-Isra': 1 

******

Prophet Muhammad sollallaahu 'alaihi wasallam was ascending the sky with Gabriel 'alaihis salam during Isra' Mi'raj (yesterday was Rejab 27).

He s.a.w. saw those, although in front of them were excellent meats in pots, they chose the putrid and foul ones.
They would eat from the foul and rotten meat, and would not touch the good meat.
Prophet Muhammad s.a.w. asked Gabriel a.s., 

"What is this, O Jibril?"

to which he replied, 

"These are the men from Your community. 
They have excellent, lawful wife at home, but chose unlawful women to spend their nights with.

And the women would leave their excellent, lawful husband, to go and spend their nights with foul men."

******

Marriage and family life are protected by very strong rules, because every goodness comes through marriage.

"And among HIS Signs is this, 

that HE created you (Adam) from dust,

and then (Hawa' [Eve] from Adam's rib, 

and then his offspring from the semen, and), 

- behold you are human beings scattered!

And among HIS Signs is this, 

that HE created for you wives from among yourselves, 

that you may find repose in them, 

and HE has put between you affection and mercy. 

Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect. 

And among HIS Signs 

is the creation of the heavens and the earth, 

and the difference of your languages and colours. 

Verily, 

in that are indeed signs for men of sound knowledge." 

Al-Qur'an Surah Ar-Ruum 20 - 22 

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Family is the foundation of society.

The peace and security offered by a stable family unit is greatly valued, and seen as essential for the spiritual growth of its members.

Children are priceless treasures.

Living in a harmonious family, they rarely want to leave home before marriage.
Some chose to remain staying with their parents after marriage.

A Muslim girl can never be forced to marry against her will, but her parents can suggest suitable men.
Female, weather single or married, is an individual in her own right.
A marriage dowry is given by the groom to the bride for her own personal use.

She keeps her own family name rather than taking her husband's.

Prophet Muhammad sollallaahu 'alaihi wasallam had said, 

"The most perfect in faith amongst believers 

is he who is best in manner and kindest to his wife."

A Muslim marriage is not a 'sacrament', but just a simple, legal agreement but which is often made complicated by tradition.

Divorce, although not forbidden, is only taken as the last resort as, 

"Enter upon matrimony. but do not divorce your wives, since divorce shakes the very Throne Of GOD."

Yes, divorce between husband and wife shakes the 'Arasy'.
'Arasy is ALLAH S.W.T.'s 'Throne'.

Surely!!!
Divorce really, really anger the Creator.
If not, why thus the 'Arasy' is shaken?

******

The satan Daasim stations itself at doorways.
Whose house upon entry is without salam, Daasim's duty is to cause conflict between household members - men, wives and families.

Those who were and are caught offguard, Daasim triumph when it leads to violence and it won trophy when it results divorces between couples.

Then there is 'Awar, who encourages adultery.

******

A close friend do not see any wrong in his adulterous way.

He admitted frankly, he has to lead that kind of life, to complete his living.

The wife had encouraged another marriage for him.

But, relationship outside marriage is a thrill beyond expression.

Just like food, he craves varieties!

Why is that so?

The wife had often dream of their home being barged into.

Often she would sense a woman loitering around the lift-landing, or nearer home, at the gate.

Other time, her daughter just tell the mother there's someone near the shoe rack.

The wife did mention what she saw and sense to the husband, but he just refuse any changes made to his life.

When asked to go for counselling, he said, he knows more than the wife knew not. 

“Do as You please in this world, Oh Muhammad, 

But remember, 

You will be accountable for all that You do. 

And live as You please in this world, Oh Muhammad, 

But remember, 
One day, You will taste death. 

And love whom You please in Your life, Oh Muhammad, 

But remember, 

One day, You will part with Your loved one in death.” 

Jibrail a.s. said to the Prophet s.a.w.

The Children - Babies Caught In Between

"The baby's coming next week." My Son reminded Me few days ago.

"Temporary only." I counter-reminding him as per our agreement.

The baby is being looked after by her grandmother.
But since her grandfather is sick and now, bedridden, the elderly woman's hands are full.
I agree for the baby to be temporarily placed here while the mother is at work - before a permanent baby-sitter is found. 

"No, the grandmother now has to work already. They have no money for medication."

"But You already know I'm going KL Friday." I reminded Him.

"Bring baby along." My Son insisted.

"Many weddings in Singapore this June holiday." A good excuse I supposed.

"Make passport for her then."  

"Where's the father?"

"Run away." 
 I stopped there and then, thinking of the young mother, now single-handedly, has to juggle her role as a mother and a bread-winner.

Out of desperation, she contacted My Son months ago, who was her ex-colleague.
We stay not too faraway from her mother.
He, in turn, asked My help.

Honestly, I had forgotten how to look after small babies.
She will be one-year old next month.
I called around, looking for someone who can baby-sit, but found none.

Yesterday, I looked for a baby-sitter again.
But instead, this lady pleaded Me to help looking after the infant Myself.
She had seen too many cases of neglect and non-appropriate words usage, used by baby-sitters and their families to infants who are learning to communicate.

Her granddaughter was abused, by non other than a registered nursery in PJ.
When her daughter (the small girl's mother), brought to the attention of the nursery owner, the teenager child-minder denied her doing.

Instead, she accused her colleague of doing it.

The less than two-year-old girl's head was full of blood stains marked by repeatedly hit with a comb.
When it was said that a police report will be made, the first girl, the nursery owner's niece, ran away.
She did not report for work until today.

A police report was still made, not to apprehend the teenager, but just to make sure that no such incident will ever be repeated again.
The girl and her sibling are still there, at the same nursery.
No other nearer place to place them while the mother is at work.

******      ******      ******

I attended a 'hair-shaving ceremony', to not one, but three babies, all cousins.  
"Cukur rambut" at the same time yesterday.

After the ceremony ended, I stayed longer, waiting for My Husband who was still driving from Pasir Gudang to Bukit Tiram.

While waiting, I realised that one of the baby was attended by only the young and handsome father.
The other two babies, both parents attended to their bundle of joy.

One of the relative realised My attention to the lonely and quiet father.
Before I could ask, the relative said, "He's divorced now."

Before I realised, tears were filling My eyes.
I attended his grand wedding just a year or less than two-years ago.
The joyous occasion, the spread of food, sure the very big amount of expenditure spent, to make the solemn marriage occasion, a memorable one.

It is still fresh too, in My mind.
Do not tell me, it has diminished, as good as dead, in the matching couple's memory.

Both have their looks, well-educated and good career.
Both used to be promising people with promising future.
What really goes wrong with them, with the current society?

These small babies are often denied their right of having both parents at their sides.
Their parents can choose their spouses, but these babies cannot choose their parents.
Their parents are not replaceable.
So, there is no replacement for both their mother and father.

These babies are surely not in the position to shoulder whatever their parents disagree.
Neither can they be made to suffer in doings they do not.

Seeing crumbling marriages with their families disintegrated around Me, is really disturbing.
The number of divorces is really alarming.

I remember reading, where Deputy Minister in the Prime Minister’s Department Dr Mashitah Ibrahim said, statistics by the Malaysian Department of Islamic Development (Jakim), showed that the divorce rate among married Muslim couples was one every 15 minutes in 2009.

Now, the number of Syariah Court judges is sufficient, but their case load grows by... the 15 minutes.

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A Message by George Carlin:

The paradox of our time in history is that
we have taller buildings but shorter tempers,
wider Freeways, but narrower viewpoints.
We spend more, but have less,
we buy more, but enjoy less.
We have bigger houses and smaller families,
more conveniences, but less time.
We have more degrees but less sense,
more knowledge, but less judgment,
more experts, yet more problems,
more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little,
drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up to O tired, read too little,
watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values.
We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life.
We've added years to life not life to years.
We've been all the way to the moon and back,
but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor.
We conquered outer space but not inner space.
We've done larger things, but not better things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul.
We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice.
We write more, but learn less.
We plan more, but accomplish less.
We've learned to rush, but not to wait.
We build more computers to hold more information,
to produce more copies than ever,
but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion,
big men and small character,
steep profits and shallow relationships.
These are the days of two incomes but more divorce,
fancier houses, but broken homes.
These are days of quick trips,
disposable diapers,
throwaway morality, one night stands,
overweight bodies,
and pills that do everything from cheer,
to quiet,
to kill.
It is a time when there is much in the showroom window
and nothing in the stockroom.
A time when technology can bring this letter to you,
and a time when you can choose either to share this insight,
or to just hit delete...

Remember;
spend some time with your loved ones,
because
they are not going to be around forever.

Remember,
say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe,
because
that little person soon will grow up
and leave your side.

Remember,
to give a warm hug to the one next to you,
because
that is the only treasure you can give with your heart
and it doesn't cost a cent.

Remember,
to say, "I love you" to your partner
and your loved ones,
but most of all mean it.
A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt
when it comes from deep inside of you.

Remember
to hold hands
and cherish the moment
for someday
that person will not be there again.

Give time to love,
give time to speak!
And give time to share
the precious thoughts in your mind.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:

Life is not measured
by the number of breaths we take,
but
by the moments that take our breath away.


George Carlin.

Source: The Hive Mod Bee - Thursday, November 1, 2007

China Mistress, The Home-Wrecker

Divorcee's Lonely War Against China 'Mistresses' 
by Maureen Koh

SHE leaves her four-room HDB flat in Clementi early in the morning and takes a bus to Chinatown, where she will spend the day.
It is a ritual she faithfully carries out four times a week. Her mission: To seek out "odd" couples, or rather, mainland Chinese women with middle- aged Singaporean men.
And when she spots "those suspicious ones", she whips out her digital camera, a voice recorder and a notepad. Madam Tay Wanqing, 46, is not a private investigator tailing and spying on adulterous men. She is out for revenge.
"It's war," she declared to The New Paper at her flat, "against these women who break up other people's families."
Stacked neatly in one bedroom, which is locked whenever Madam Tay leaves her home, are boxes of what she calls "incriminating evidence against the cheap women". 

Categorised info
The boxes are separated into three groups: "Case Closed", "In Progress" and "Given Up".
She declined to show its contents. What started out as a personal vendetta against mistresses has turned into an obsession for the housewife and mother of a teenager.
Unable to convince her to give up her obsession, her family members recently stopped all contact with her.
In a separate interview, her brother, Mr Tay Wantian, said: "Of course I love my sister, but it's like my parents and I have given up hope on her.
"We feel that she's gone off the deep end."
Madam Tay is aware of her family's objections and unhappiness. But she insists that she, too, is helpless.
"My brother keeps saying that I've gone mad, but if I stopped what I'm doing, I'd really go crazy," she said.
"I lost my husband after 25 years of marriage and I lost my son. What else do I have to live for?"
She was spurred into playing vigilante by her husband's previous affairs - three, she claimed - with Chinese nationals in 10 years.
Madam Tay said: "By the third affair, I gave up all hope and realised that no matter what happened, there'd always be another woman."
The couple, who have an 18-year-old son, filed for divorce in 2009.
That marked the start of her mission: To wipe out all the "wu ya" (crows) and "xiao long nu" (little dragon women). These are derogatory terms used to describe women from China.
Said Madam Tay: "I felt something had to be done. I didn't have anyone to help me when my husband was cheating on me and I had to depend on private investigators, which cost me money.
"Here, I don't charge anyone for my services."
Madam Tay was reluctant to elaborate on her "spying" techniques, adding that she was worried it would give her away and hinder her work. When she is on a mission, she scans the area for odd-looking couples.
She claimed to have learnt to tell the difference between married couples and adulterous pairs. She said her hunches have been about "90 per cent" correct so far.
After she has surreptitiously snapped pictures and taken videos of the couple, her next job is to track the men. But here's where she sometimes faces an obstacle.
Said Madam Tay: "I don't drive and some of these men do. I usually have to call for a cab, but if I don't get one, then it means starting all over again."
For the men whose addresses she has successfully uncovered, she will return another day to "present her evidence and break the news".
She admitted: "But not everyone appreciates my kaypoh (busybody) ways."
Sometimes, Madam Tay takes things into her own hands and confronts the mistresses.
She said: "I create a scene in public to shame them."
Hers is a dangerous obsession. She has been beaten before, by both the mistresses and the cheating men. Once, a man even called the police to complain of being harassed.
Madam Tay was let off with a warning.
Despite that, she is determined to continue with her mission because "for every one woman I can help, it's a point in heaven for me", she said.
With her approval, we spoke to one such grateful woman. Shop assistant Emily Yeo, 42, had suspected that her husband of five years was having an affair.
She told The New Paper: "But given my $1,000 a month salary, I couldn't afford a PI."
Madam Yeo, who has a five-year-old daughter, said she was shocked when Madam Tay knocked on her door on National Day last year.
She said: "At first I thought she was the mistress. Then, she showed me photos and a blurry video recording of my husband being intimate with a Chinese beer promoter."
Both women "hugged each other and cried for an hour".
Madam Yeo, who has filed for divorce, said: "I think my pain was dulled because I had (Madam Tay's) support."
Women like Madam Yeo give Madam Tay the strength to go on.
Said Madam Tay: "I still have my savings, but if that is depleted one day, I'm prepared to sell the flat."

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Hubby Had Three Affairs
MADAM Tay Wanqing said her woes began in June 1999, when she learnt of her businessman husband's first affair with a Chinese study mama. The woman was working as a part-time cleaner in his food manufacturing company.
Madam Tay's husband fired the woman and, said Madam Tay, "we were happy for a while". The couple even went on a month-long second honeymoon trip to Europe.
But, in 2002, she noted a change in her husband's wardrobe and behaviour.
"He started wearing trendier colours and kept late nights," said Madam Tay.
Suspicious of her husband, she spent more than $2,000 to hire a private investigator (PI) who tracked her cheating spouse for eight days. She said she found out that her husband had setup a love nest with a karaoke hostess.
Madam Tay said: "I was so furious that I went to the condominium (unit) to confront the woman. She challenged me, telling me I should know how to keep my husband under control."
Madam Tay said she confronted her husband, who promptly promised to end the affair. But Madam Tay had a breakdown and was warded at the Institute of Mental Health for three months.
She said it strained her relationship with her son.
Said Madam Tay: "It was the worst time of my life. I swore I'd never allow him to hurt me again."
Again, her husband promised to change. He behaved for a few years - until late 2005, she said. This time, she spent $3,000 to hire another PI for 10 days.
The PI gathered enough evidence to show that her husband was cheating on her with a mamasan, Madam Tay said. It was the last straw and she filed for a divorce.
She said: "I realised that no matter what, my husband would never change his ways."
Madam Tay was given joint custody of her son, but he chose to live with his father.
"It hurt to be betrayed by the two men I love." 

Upset family wants her to 'come to her senses'
WHILE Madam Tay Wanqing is passionate about being a champion for wives with cheating husbands, her family members feel otherwise.
They are upset that everything they've done to convince Madam Tay to give up her obsession has been unsuccessful. And when this reporter first contacted her brother, Mr Tay Wantian, he was upset to learn that The New Paper would be running an interview with his only sister.
Mr Tay, 50, who runs a hair salon, said: "I think it's not right to encourage my sister, not when we feel she seriously needs help with her mental state."
His parents, who are in their late 70s, have "sort of disowned my sister", he added, "and you can't blame them".
Aside from worrying about her mental well-being, Mr Tay said they were also concerned over her personal safety.
"She has been beaten up before, yet she refuses to stop," he said.
"We know she needs to focus on something but spending her time and money this way is madness."
He is particularly worried because Madam Tay has always been an introvert and has few friends.
"Even when she was suffering because of her husband's infidelity, she didn't confide in us.
"It was only when she had to be warded at the Institute of Mental Health that we found out what happened."
When Madam Tay was discharged, he and his parents advised her to leave her husband.
Mr Tay said: "But my sister said she could not live without him and chose to give him another chance.
"Sceptical as we were, we supported Qing."
But following that, Madam Tay gradually withdrew from the family, said Mr Tay.
"She visited my parents less often and when they called, she'd just say she was busy with housework," he said.
It wasn't until Madam Tay was beaten up by one of the women that the family found out what she was doing.
Mr Tay said: "We were so shocked. My mother kept pleading with Qing to let go of the past and start life anew."
He added: "We've cajoled, we've shouted, we've threatened and we've begged her, but she's too stubborn to listen.
"She even threatened to kill herself if we pushed her too much."
Attempts to get Madam Tay to seek professional counselling were also unsuccessful, said Mr Tay.
"Much as we know she is hurting badly, there's only so much we can do to try and help her," he added.
"We can only hope she'll come to her senses one day, soon, before it's too late." 

This article was first published in The New Paper - Wednesday, March 16, 2011.

Sorry Wives, For Laughing At Your Husbands' Blunders

Lies, Deceit Not Enough For Many To Hide Their Multiple Marriages

JEDDAH: Most husbands find it hard to announce the news that they have taken a second wife, despite the fact such marriages are a way of life for some Arab and Muslim families. They try their best to hide them for as long as possible. Some succeed. Others fail.

Hiding the second marriage requires planning and an ability to lie. Luck is also important. There are stories of couples who have been affected by second marriages where some husbands were not clever enough in covering their tracks, while others simply did not have enough luck.
Abdullah, a 40-year-old Saudi who did not want to reveal his last name, is married to three women. The first wife lives in her villa, while the other two live in apartments in buildings adjacent to each other.
"I got married to my second and third wives within a short time. I found a perfect apartment in a high-rise building that I rent out for my second wife,” he said.
“When I got married to my third wife, I rented another apartment in a different building close by so I could move easily from the second to the third wife. None of my wives knew about my multiple marriages."
He said that one day he asked the building watchman to call the shop and bring two water gallons for each of his apartments.
“The doorman did not tell the shopkeeper to keep my marriages secret. The shopkeeper brought the two water gallons to the second wife and asked her where my third wife’s home was,” he said.
"My second wife was shocked and exploded in anger when she learned that she was not my first wife. She went and fought with the third wife, who was shocked that she was not even the first or second wife. To make matters worse, they found the address of my first wife and decided to pay her a visit and expose me."
Abdullah said that the second and third wives demanded equal treatment and wanted him to buy a villa for each of them before they accepted the marriages.
Abdullah Al-Zahrani, a Saudi teacher married to two women, said his daughter inadvertently exposed his second marriage to his first wife.
"I was married to my second wife secretly for three years. My second wife is a peaceful woman,” he said, adding that because he sometimes had to leave her alone in her apartment for a long time, he decided to get a mobile phone just to call her.
“That mobile was hidden in my car. One day, I took my first wife and daughter for shopping. My daughter was playing in the backseat when she discovered that there was a cell phone underneath the passenger's seat. She gave the phone to my wife who looked at the contact and found only one name, my second wife’s.”
The first wife browsed the messages on the phone and found out about his second marriage.
“She threatened to divorce me if I didn’t leave my second wife.” He said that he has been trying to bring his first wife home and persuade her to accept that he is married to another woman.
A Saudi woman who works at King Abdulaziz University and did not want her name mentioned said that she discovered her husband’s second marriage by accident.
"During the last rains, my husband phoned me to say that he was unable to pick me up. He told me to come back with one of my friends. One of my students saw me waiting and decided to take me back home,” she said.
“She was recently married and in the car she started talking about her husband. I realized he had many similarities with my husband.”
When the woman started talking about her husband and mentioned his name and work, the student suddenly looked as if someone close to her had died.
“I too was shocked when I discovered that her husband was my husband and that he had married one of my students." She said that when she confronted her husband, he had nothing to say.

Source:  Arab News - January 14, 2011

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Old Man Forgets Teen-Wife's Name In Court

DAMMAM – A man in his seventies seeking a divorce from his 18-year-old wife was sent away from a court in Dammam last week after he was unable to recall her name.
Al-Madina Arabic daily reported that the man, who had brought a group of acquaintances with him to the courthouse on Wednesday to bear witness to the divorce, left all in attendance perplexed when he was unable to recall his wife’s name.
Testing his luck, Al-Madina said the man began mumbling various names in the hope that he would hit upon the right one, until the exasperated judge eventually ordered him out of his office and to return only when he was able to provide his wife’s name and “other information.”
A court source told the newspaper that most divorce cases heard by the court were brought by foreign women seeking to end the burdens of “travel and living costs” incurred by the distance between them and their Saudi husbands in the Kingdom.

Source: A1 Saudi Arabia - March 6, 2010  

Jangan Cakap Habis - What Goes Around, Comes Around

"Cili ini pedas tak?"

"Sambal mestilah pedas." I replied to my youngest brother's question at a birthday celebration in my elder sister's house last Saturday. 

"Sorry, tak boleh habiskan sambal ni. Pedas sangat." I surrendered of having to finish up the meal.
The cili was definitely too hot for me.

"Tulah, lain kali jangan cakap habis. Kita ingat lagi, Makcik Johor yang kita pergi rumahnya, banyak kali cakap - Jangan cakap habis." 
So all those while my youngest brother was listening to what the lady, my eldest brother's ex-neighbour, was saying.
When the lady was talking to my eldest sister, he was glued to the tv set.

******

I wasn't close to the person whom the lady was referring to, although my eldest sister used to mention the person to me.
The person, *Ros was, and is a person who sets a certain standard and perfection - and nothing else.

For her marriage then, all bridal accessories, dais, and gowns were brand new.
Totally new clothing in her wardrobe too. 
I was still in school then, so what my sister said did not make any difference to me.

Not long after I stay in JB in the 80s, I was informed that *Ros had sold her house in Singapore and was making arrangement to move to the new house in Taman in JB.
By then, I had heard more of her.

A classy people as *Ros, would want to trouble herself with the chaotic Causeway?
Travelling almost 30km to school daily?
Then, in the 90s, I used to meet her at Komtar.
I had to choose my words when talking to her.

When one of those meeting day at the Komtar bus-stop she did tell me that she's no more married, I did not ask why.
I heard the news quite sometime already.

Almost everybody pointed fingers at *Ros - Not that her husband refuse to work, but he simply could not get any job since the 80s retrenchment.
A Singapore permanent resident, he brought his family back to his country of birth - Malaysia.
Not wanting to be further humiliated after more than ten years being a house-husband, he moved back to his late parents' three-acres land - staying alone all by himself.

"Siapa kahwin yang *Ros suka? 
Semua dia tak suka. Ada aje cacat cela laki orang. 
Kakak kahwin lagilah dia tak suka. 
Lagilah kakak kahwin bukan suka sama suka." 

Yes, the lady knew she was very much older than her husband and she doubt if her marriage could last very long.
But the early 20s Malaysian man insisted on marrying her.
She abide her mother's wish in not wanting to see her becoming an old spinster, already in her late 20s.
 
After more than thirty-years of marriage and she has five children who love the mother dearly, she knew at least she's in a safe net now, than before.

*Ros did not like the lady's husband because he was a labourer building HDB flats when marrying the lady.

*Ros did not like her sisters' husbands too who's just so-so in her eyes.

Fast forward, when all marriages intact, *Ros's marriage to the most perfect husband,  crumbled...          

The Maid Story - The Home-Wrecker

Maids In Singapore (6)

For 8 years, the couple paid a monthly installment of S$1,000 for their terrace house in Bukit Indah in JB.
In a couple of years time, the second home, their weekend house, will be fully paid.

But a twist of an event took place:
The husband had run away with their maid and is now staying in Batam.

The wife, a staff nurse in one of the hospital in Singapore, was not aware that their maid and her husband were having an amorous affair for many years until he disappeared for good.

The wife was at lost:
Having no helper and left with three school going kids to look after single-handedly.

Not to add more financial woes to her already tight budget, she returned the terrace house back to the bank, after 'giving' the bank close to S$100,000.
Such a price to pay for a man's folly and a maid's joy.

Sad to say, I had just known it yesterday during my Aidilfitri visit although I had always reminded relatives, friends and those who intended and wanted to buy property over here, please... for goodness sake, valuation for properties purchased here is not the same as in Singapore.

All the furnitures was given to another Singaporean's son who had just bought a house in Johor Jaya in JB.
With the renovation added, probably another S$100,000 went down the drain.

***** ****** ******

By Zubaidah Nazeer

Mon Sep 20, 2010  

I Saw My Maid Hugging My Hubby In Bed

They are linked by marriage but live in separate homes. But now, an elderly woman and her daughter-in-law claim to share a common fate in the disintegration of their marriages. Both women point the finger at the same "home-wrecker" - an Indonesian maid. The elderly woman, Madam Sarah, 65, took out a personal protection order (PPO) against her son for allegedly assaulting her when she confronted the maid. Her daughter-in-law, Madam Lisa, 35, claims her 10-year marriage to Madam Sarah's son was abusive from the start, but things got worse when the maid started working for them. She claimed that she caught her husband in their bed with the maid one day. The couple are now divorced while Madam Sarah is planning to file for divorce from her husband, who is also 65. All the names have been changed to protect the identity of the younger couple's  three-year-old child. MADAM LISA'S STORY: She said she knew that her husband was someone who would get drunk and become violent. She married him anyway, thinking she could change him. Within their first year of marriage, she went to court to successfully apply for a PPO against Mr David. The violence, in the form of slaps, punches and hair-pulling, continued, and each time Madam Lisa would return to her mother's place to complain. She told The New Paper: "I didn't want to have a baby all these years because I feared he would be violent. I was pregnant in 2002 but aborted it." Said Madam Lisa's sister: "None of us wanted her to marry this man. Not even my mother, but she kept insisting she was in love." Agreeing, her mother said: "I prayed for her not to marry this person. We had heard about his behaviour from his relatives." She added: "He has too much drama. Once, when Lisa returned to our home, he appeared outside our flat and said he had drunk Dettol and dropped on the floor in self-pity. "I kept telling her not to go back but she would do so after two or three weeks." Then, in the middle of last year, Madam Lisa employed an Indonesian maid, who was recommended by her husband's friend. About two weeks later, she went home around 5pm and saw Mr David behaving inappropriately with the maid. "I saw them on the bed, he was without a shirt and she was hugging him. Once he saw me, he pushed the maid away." They argued and he pulled out the telephone line and took her handphone, she claimed. Two days later, they argued again after he was unhappy that she was exchanging SMSes with her male friends. She claimed he punched her on the right arm and pulled her hair. He also scolded her with vulgarities. Four days later, they quarrelled again over the SMS incident. She said: "He used both hands to choke me and I shouted for my maid to help but she did not come out of her room." Her husband then released his grip on her neck and told her that he was taking her to his mother's house. They went there with the maid and their child. Said Madam Sarah: "My son came to complain to me about Lisa. He said she was having boyfriends. I was on his side because I had no idea what was going on in their marriage and I told him to talk it out." Mr David then left with the maid and their child in a taxi. Madam Lisa called a friend and stayed with her for a night. She then moved to a shelter for women for seven weeks. During her time there, she reflected on her life, got advice and gathered the confidence to walk out on her marriage. She also made a police report, which she showed to The New Paper, about the above incidents. After leaving the shelter, she went back to retrieve her child, accompanied by the police. "The padlock on the gate had been changed and we got a locksmith to break it. The maid ignored me when I took my child," she said. Madam Lisa, who now lives with a relative, wants to put her past behind her. She said: "My child has gone through so much trauma. I realise that even having a child has not tamed my husband's violence." MADAM SARAH'S STORY: Her problems began early this year when her son moved into her flat with the maid. "I was all right with him moving in after his flat was sold. He was going through a bitter separation and divorce with his wife," she said. But she found it odd that he moved in with the maid. Madam Sarah, who still works, said: "I pitied him because of the marriage breakdown but I also wondered why he brought the maid along. I told him I didn't need a maid but he said she could help with the housework." In a matter of months, she was facing verbal and physical abuse from her son and husband. She made three police reports against her son and one against her husband. She also wrote a letter to the Indonesian embassy in February to plead for the maid to be returned, saying she did not need her and that she had ruined her marriage. The New Paper saw the reports and the letter. She claimed the men would often get drunk and hangout with the maid. They would abuse and beat her when she questioned their behaviour. One serious incident occurred in March. In her police report,Madam Sarah said she used her mobile phone to take a picture of the maid after the latter returned home around 5am with the two men. The maid complained to Mr David who then grabbed the phone from her, threw it on the floor and punched her on the face. "I was frightened for my life. I did not expect such a violent reaction," she said. She then obtained a PPO against her son on July 15. But this did not stop the violence, she said. The latest incident occurred last month. In a police report dated Aug 10, Madam Sarah said her son had questioned her about meeting his ex-wife. She said: "He thought I was scheming with his wife. I met her to see my grandchild. I told her about my problems with my son." Madam Sarah said she was worried about her safety and went to a police station and called her older son. She was persuaded to return home, where her younger son and husband taunted her. In her police report, she said they gestured to the beer bottle and then spat at her face. She said she called the police after her husband and son beat her older son, who had gone up to check on her. She has moved out and is now staying with her daughter. She has applied for a PPO against her husband. She said of her son: "When he told me of his problems at home and accused his wife of having a boyfriend, I believed him." "But I see clearly now that my son is the one to blame. He has treated me like garbage. I have seen him hugging the maid and calling her 'darling'."  "I didn't cheat on my wife' No, I didn't hit my mother. Nor did I cheat on my wife. This was what Mr David said when The New Paper contacted him yesterday. The security guard claimed that accusations of his violence are false. "They can make all these police reports but I have never hit my mother," he said. His mother, Madam Sarah, has a court order granting her a Personal Protection Order (PPO) against him for an incident in March. His ex-wife also took out a PPO against him. Mr David said that he was filing for a PPO against his mother for hitting him with a shoe and hitting his leg in July. He added: "My mother has never been that way... making lots of police reports and taking out a PPO... until my ex-wife came into the picture. In fact, she hated my ex-wife. "But now, I believe my ex-wife was the one that had instigated her. "How can I hit her and beat her... my own mother?" Asked about the two women's allegations about his having an affair with the maid, he reiterated that his ex-wife hates him and has turned his mother against him. He said: "Both of them are going around telling everybody that I am having an affair but this is not true." He said he had initiated the divorce because his wife had cheated on him. He refused to comment further, apart from confirming that he has divorced his wife. When contacted, Mr David's father refused to comment or let us speak to the maid. Mr Harry Low, a marriage counsellor, advises those who face family violence at home to: 1. Have a safety plan and assess your risk. 2. Be aware of all the emergency contact numbers. 3. Have a mobile phone handy in case all residential lines have been disconnected. 4. Get help from neighbours. 5. Apply for a Personal Protection Order. 6. If desperate, take refuge in a women's shelter and talk to counsellors there. He said: "The most important thing is to realise that you should not hesitate to seek help. Often, the victims lack self-confidence or have low self-esteem and don't realise they can break free from this cycle of violence. This article was first published in The New Paper.