Monday, September 27, 2010

The Maid Story - The Home-Wrecker

Maids In Singapore (6)

For 8 years, the couple paid a monthly installment of S$1,000 for their terrace house in Bukit Indah in JB.
In a couple of years time, the second home, their weekend house, will be fully paid.

But a twist of an event took place:
The husband had run away with their maid and is now staying in Batam.

The wife, a staff nurse in one of the hospital in Singapore, was not aware that their maid and her husband were having an amorous affair for many years until he disappeared for good.

The wife was at lost:
Having no helper and left with three school going kids to look after single-handedly.

Not to add more financial woes to her already tight budget, she returned the terrace house back to the bank, after 'giving' the bank close to S$100,000.
Such a price to pay for a man's folly and a maid's joy.

Sad to say, I had just known it yesterday during my Aidilfitri visit although I had always reminded relatives, friends and those who intended and wanted to buy property over here, please... for goodness sake, valuation for properties purchased here is not the same as in Singapore.

All the furnitures was given to another Singaporean's son who had just bought a house in Johor Jaya in JB.
With the renovation added, probably another S$100,000 went down the drain.

***** ****** ******

By Zubaidah Nazeer

Mon Sep 20, 2010  

I Saw My Maid Hugging My Hubby In Bed
They are linked by marriage but live in separate homes.
But now, an elderly woman and her daughter-in-law claim to share a common
fate in the disintegration of their marriages.
Both women point the finger at the same "home-wrecker" - an Indonesian maid.
The elderly woman, Madam Sarah, 65, took out a personal protection order
(PPO) against her son for allegedly assaulting her when she confronted the
maid.
Her daughter-in-law, Madam Lisa, 35, claims her 10-year marriage to Madam
Sarah's son was abusive from the start, but things got worse when the maid
started working for them.
She claimed that she caught her husband in their bed with the maid one day.
The couple are now divorced while Madam Sarah is planning to file for divorce
from her husband, who is also 65.

All the names have been changed to protect the identity of the younger couple's 
three-year-old child.

MADAM LISA'S STORY:
She said she knew that her husband was someone who would get drunk and
become violent.
She married him anyway, thinking she could change him.
Within their first year of marriage, she went to court to successfully apply for a
PPO against Mr David.
The violence, in the form of slaps, punches and hair-pulling, continued, and each
time Madam Lisa would return to her mother's place to complain.
She told The New Paper:
"I didn't want to have a baby all these years because I feared he would be violent.
I was pregnant in 2002 but aborted it."
Said Madam Lisa's sister:
"None of us wanted her to marry this man.
Not even my mother, but she kept insisting she was in love."
Agreeing, her mother said:
"I prayed for her not to marry this person.
We had heard about his behaviour from his relatives."
She added:
"He has too much drama.
Once, when Lisa returned to our home, he appeared outside our flat and said he
had drunk Dettol and dropped on the floor in self-pity.
"I kept telling her not to go back but she would do so after two or three weeks."
Then, in the middle of last year, Madam Lisa employed an Indonesian maid, who
was recommended by her husband's friend.
About two weeks later, she went home around 5pm and saw Mr David behaving inappropriately with the maid.
"I saw them on the bed, he was without a shirt and she was hugging him.
Once he saw me, he pushed the maid away."
They argued and he pulled out the telephone line and took her handphone, she
claimed.
Two days later, they argued again after he was unhappy that she was
exchanging SMSes with her male friends.
She claimed he punched her on the right arm and pulled her hair.
He also scolded her with vulgarities.
Four days later, they quarrelled again over the SMS incident.
She said:
"He used both hands to choke me and I shouted for my maid to help but she did
not come out of her room."
Her husband then released his grip on her neck and told her that he was taking
her to his mother's house.
They went there with the maid and their child.
Said Madam Sarah:
"My son came to complain to me about Lisa.
He said she was having boyfriends.
I was on his side because I had no idea what was going on in their marriage
and I told him to talk it out."
Mr David then left with the maid and their child in a taxi.
Madam Lisa called a friend and stayed with her for a night.
She then moved to a shelter for women for seven weeks.
During her time there, she reflected on her life, got advice and gathered the
confidence to walk out on her marriage.
She also made a police report, which she showed to The New Paper, about the
above incidents.
After leaving the shelter, she went back to retrieve her child, accompanied by the
police.
"The padlock on the gate had been changed and we got a locksmith to break it.
The maid ignored me when I took my child," she said.
Madam Lisa, who now lives with a relative, wants to put her past behind her.
She said:
"My child has gone through so much trauma.
I realise that even having a child has not tamed my husband's violence."

MADAM SARAH'S STORY:
Her problems began early this year when her son moved into her flat with the
maid.
"I was all right with him moving in after his flat was sold.
He was going through a bitter separation and divorce with his wife," she said.
But she found it odd that he moved in with the maid.
Madam Sarah, who still works, said:
"I pitied him because of the marriage breakdown but I also wondered why he
brought the maid along.
I told him I didn't need a maid but he said she could help with the housework."
In a matter of months, she was facing verbal and physical abuse from her son
and husband.
She made three police reports against her son and one against her husband.
She also wrote a letter to the Indonesian embassy in February to plead for the
maid to be returned, saying she did not need her and that she had ruined her
marriage.
The New Paper saw the reports and the letter.
She claimed the men would often get drunk and hangout with the maid.
They would abuse and beat her when she questioned their behaviour.
One serious incident occurred in March.
In her police report,Madam Sarah said she used her mobile phone to take a
picture of the maid after the latter returned home around 5am with the two
men.
The maid complained to Mr David who then grabbed the phone from her, threw
it on the floor and punched her on the face.
"I was frightened for my life.
I did not expect such a violent reaction," she said.
She then obtained a PPO against her son on July 15.
But this did not stop the violence, she said.
The latest incident occurred last month.
In a police report dated Aug 10, Madam Sarah said her son had questioned her
about meeting his ex-wife.
She said:
"He thought I was scheming with his wife.
I met her to see my grandchild. I told her about my problems with my son."
Madam Sarah said she was worried about her safety and went to a police
station and called her older son.
She was persuaded to return home, where her younger son and husband
taunted her.
In her police report, she said they gestured to the beer bottle and then spat at her
face.
She said she called the police after her husband and son beat her older son,
who had gone up to check on her.
She has moved out and is now staying with her daughter.
She has applied for a PPO against her husband.
She said of her son:
"When he told me of his problems at home and accused his wife of having a
boyfriend, I believed him."
"But I see clearly now that my son is the one to blame. He has treated me like
garbage.
I have seen him hugging the maid and calling her 'darling'." 

"I didn't cheat on my wife'
No, I didn't hit my mother. Nor did I cheat on my wife.
This was what Mr David said when The New Paper contacted him yesterday.
The security guard claimed that accusations of his violence are false.
"They can make all these police reports but I have never hit my mother," he said.
His mother, Madam Sarah, has a court order granting her a Personal Protection
Order (PPO) against him for an incident in March.
His ex-wife also took out a PPO against him.
Mr David said that he was filing for a PPO against his mother for hitting him with
a shoe and hitting his leg in July.
He added:
"My mother has never been that way... making lots of police reports and taking
out a PPO... until my ex-wife came into the picture.
In fact, she hated my ex-wife.
"But now, I believe my ex-wife was the one that had instigated her.
"How can I hit her and beat her... my own mother?"
Asked about the two women's allegations about his having an affair with the
maid, he reiterated that his ex-wife hates him and has turned his mother
against him.
He said:
"Both of them are going around telling everybody that I am having an affair but
this is not true."
He said he had initiated the divorce because his wife had cheated on him.
He refused to comment further, apart from confirming that he has divorced his
wife.
When contacted, Mr David's father refused to comment or let us speak to the maid.

Mr Harry Low, a marriage counsellor, advises those who face family violence at
home to:
1. Have a safety plan and assess your risk.
2. Be aware of all the emergency contact numbers.
3. Have a mobile phone handy in case all residential lines have been
disconnected.
4. Get help from neighbours.
5. Apply for a Personal Protection Order.
6. If desperate, take refuge in a women's shelter and talk to counsellors there.
He said: "The most important thing is to realise that you should not hesitate to
seek help.
Often, the victims lack self-confidence or have low self-esteem and don't realise
they can break free from this cycle of violence.

This article was first published in The New Paper.

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