Marriage Consent From The Grave

I just fall for the girl.

I knew she was the right person.
But to get her, I had to go through the mother.

So, I became one of the widowed-mother's best friend.

The girl, eldest of four sisters, felt she had to leave school after her A-Level.
She had to help her mother to put her three sisters in school.

I asked a lot about the family.
I popped the question of remarriage to the mother.

She said, it was unlikely to happen.
Sometime, before her sleep, she had the feeling that her husband was watching her from over her head.
Often she dream of him, came back to visit his family, and observed his daughters' well-being.

******

Our relationship elated the mother more, as her late husband was my mother's classmate.
And, my late grandfather was her late father's best friend.

When her family was staying at Kampung Wak Tanjung, my grandfather used to go to her place.
He went to visit her father, who was an imam at the Wak Tanjung Mosque.

******

I told my eldest sister that I had found the right girl for my brother.

When she asked about the age, and I said 19, she said that the girl was way too young for my brother, who was already in his late 20s.
Age was never an issue to me, but yes, to my eldest sister.

In the meantime, I prayed hard then, that the girl will be my sister-in-law.

Then, one day, when the girl was around 20 or 21, the mother said a man had asked for her eldest daughter.
The man looked pious with his serban, a turban, on his head.
There was nothing more that the mother could asked for.
Since the man looked religious, he sure knows how to be the head of his family.

The news shattered me, as I still harboured hope in the girl.
Although my sister knew of my intention, but not the mother.
I had not made the proposal yet, even after around two years.

But, the mother continued, her late husband appeared in her dream, rejected the serban man.
The father said, his daughter will marry a man staying just few blocks away from them.

It was until then that I knew of my sister's refusal.
Sure, HE Knows Best, by episodes in our lives yet to unfold.

******

Not long after that, the mother had a great surprise.
Her few blocks away neighbour whom she already knew for more than twenty years, asked for her eldest daughter.

The mother did not know the neighbour's son had came back to Singapore after studying in Madinah.
He was sent to work in one of the mosque in the eastern side of Singapore, which had just been built.

******

The girl and her neighbour is now married.
After more than ten years, I knew they have four children, maybe more, now.

I wonder if I can navigate my family from my graveyard.
Although the girl's father had long been dead, but, he still wants the very best for his future generation.

The girl's father-in-law is just an ordinary noja, an ordianry caretaker at his neighbourhood mosque, but all his children, as I see it, turned out to be all super extra-ordinary.

They are not only in Singapore, but Malaysia, Indonesia, Saudi Arabia and sure, more countries which I knew not.
They can be heard over the radio, watched on tv, seen at MUIS and ...

The Choicest Rotten Meat

سُبْحَانَ الَّذِي أَسْرَى بِعَبْدِهِ لَيْلاً مِّنَ الْمَسْجِدِ الْحَرَامِ إِلَى الْمَسْجِدِ الأَقْصَى الَّذِي بَارَكْنَا حَوْلَهُ لِنُرِيَهُ مِنْ آيَاتِنَا إِنَّهُ هُوَ السَّمِيعُ البَصِيرُ 

"GLORY be to GOD Who made HIS Servant to go by night from the Sacred mosque (Mecca) 

to the Farthest Mosque (Jerusalem) 
Of which 

We have Blessed the Precincts, 

so that We may show to Him some of Our Signs; 

surely HE is the Hearing, the Seeing." 

Al-Qur'an - Surah Al-Isra': 1 

******

Prophet Muhammad sollallaahu 'alaihi wasallam was ascending the sky with Gabriel 'alaihis salam during Isra' Mi'raj (yesterday was Rejab 27).

He s.a.w. saw those, although in front of them were excellent meats in pots, they chose the putrid and foul ones.
They would eat from the foul and rotten meat, and would not touch the good meat.
Prophet Muhammad s.a.w. asked Gabriel a.s., 

"What is this, O Jibril?"

to which he replied, 

"These are the men from Your community. 
They have excellent, lawful wife at home, but chose unlawful women to spend their nights with.

And the women would leave their excellent, lawful husband, to go and spend their nights with foul men."

******

Marriage and family life are protected by very strong rules, because every goodness comes through marriage.

"And among HIS Signs is this, 

that HE created you (Adam) from dust,

and then (Hawa' [Eve] from Adam's rib, 

and then his offspring from the semen, and), 

- behold you are human beings scattered!

And among HIS Signs is this, 

that HE created for you wives from among yourselves, 

that you may find repose in them, 

and HE has put between you affection and mercy. 

Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect. 

And among HIS Signs 

is the creation of the heavens and the earth, 

and the difference of your languages and colours. 

Verily, 

in that are indeed signs for men of sound knowledge." 

Al-Qur'an Surah Ar-Ruum 20 - 22 

******

Family is the foundation of society.

The peace and security offered by a stable family unit is greatly valued, and seen as essential for the spiritual growth of its members.

Children are priceless treasures.

Living in a harmonious family, they rarely want to leave home before marriage.
Some chose to remain staying with their parents after marriage.

A Muslim girl can never be forced to marry against her will, but her parents can suggest suitable men.
Female, weather single or married, is an individual in her own right.
A marriage dowry is given by the groom to the bride for her own personal use.

She keeps her own family name rather than taking her husband's.

Prophet Muhammad sollallaahu 'alaihi wasallam had said, 

"The most perfect in faith amongst believers 

is he who is best in manner and kindest to his wife."

A Muslim marriage is not a 'sacrament', but just a simple, legal agreement but which is often made complicated by tradition.

Divorce, although not forbidden, is only taken as the last resort as, 

"Enter upon matrimony. but do not divorce your wives, since divorce shakes the very Throne Of GOD."

Yes, divorce between husband and wife shakes the 'Arasy'.
'Arasy is ALLAH S.W.T.'s 'Throne'.

Surely!!!
Divorce really, really anger the Creator.
If not, why thus the 'Arasy' is shaken?

******

The satan Daasim stations itself at doorways.
Whose house upon entry is without salam, Daasim's duty is to cause conflict between household members - men, wives and families.

Those who were and are caught offguard, Daasim triumph when it leads to violence and it won trophy when it results divorces between couples.

Then there is 'Awar, who encourages adultery.

******

A close friend do not see any wrong in his adulterous way.

He admitted frankly, he has to lead that kind of life, to complete his living.

The wife had encouraged another marriage for him.

But, relationship outside marriage is a thrill beyond expression.

Just like food, he craves varieties!

Why is that so?

The wife had often dream of their home being barged into.

Often she would sense a woman loitering around the lift-landing, or nearer home, at the gate.

Other time, her daughter just tell the mother there's someone near the shoe rack.

The wife did mention what she saw and sense to the husband, but he just refuse any changes made to his life.

When asked to go for counselling, he said, he knows more than the wife knew not. 

“Do as You please in this world, Oh Muhammad, 

But remember, 

You will be accountable for all that You do. 

And live as You please in this world, Oh Muhammad, 

But remember, 
One day, You will taste death. 

And love whom You please in Your life, Oh Muhammad, 

But remember, 

One day, You will part with Your loved one in death.” 

Jibrail a.s. said to the Prophet s.a.w.

Let These 'Ah Long' Do Their Work

Loan Sharks Listen To Man’s Wife
By ZALINAH NOORDIN

GEORGE TOWN: A group of loan sharks, in a rare show of diplomacy, sat down with the wife of a man who had borrowed money from them and listened to her side of the story.

The woman, a marketing and sales executive, who only wanted to be known as Lim, said the men were not aggressive towards her and only said they would wait for her husband to return after learning he was not in the country.

She said the loan sharks who came to her apartment in Tanjung Bungah had actually shown some empathy, unlike others she had read about who use ruthless means to get their money back.

Lim, 37, said her husband left her a note on March 1 to say he was leaving for China to start a business there to settle his debts.

She said the Ah Long had told her that her husband had borrowed RM14,000 from them.

She learnt that her husband had initially borrowed RM30,000 from the same people but the amount was settled by his parents.

“I was surprised they understood my situation and told me they would wait for him (Lim's husband) to come back,” she said at a press conference at the MCA public complaints bureau here yesterday.

“All I want is for my husband to return to pay off the debts and the housing loan payments that had not been paid since last October,” she said, adding the apartment was about to be sealed off by the bank.

The bureau's deputy chief Lim Thoon Deong said Lim's husband told him that he needed more time to save up enough money to pay off the debts.

Source: The Star - June 17, 2011

******

For every RM10,000 that My 2 doors away neighbour Laila* borrowed, before she get the money, RM3,000 will be straight away deducted.
With registration fee of RM25.00, Laila will only receive RM6, 975.

With that capital, Laila rolled to finance her evening food business, and feeding her family.
Every night after closing shop, the money lender will collect some money until the capital of RM10,000 was paid.
The RM3,000 earlier deducted was for the loan interest.

I was initially shocked when Laila detailed me her loan.
Two families sat together discussing ways for them to save on Ah Long interest.

Since the husband had promised to turn over a new leaf, and we wanted the family to save the RM3,000, we came up with fresh capital hoping that their food business, since starting afresh with interest-free capital, will bring greater fortune to the family.

The husband was initially ok, kept his promise, woke up early to go to the market.
Thus they were able to leave their house at 3pm, selling their arrays of dinner varieties of fish, meat, vegetables and their speciality, Laksa Kedah, earlier than usual at Sentosa.
They wrapped up early too, already home before midnight.

Laila had regular customers, mostly Chinese, as she cooked to their likings.
Occasionally I dropped by her working place early, just to see her customers already waiting for her to arrange the cooked food.
She had no problem having her cooking soldout every night.

Things went well initially, and Laila managed to put aside some money with Me when she made part-payment of the capital.
She knew business can flourish to the next level, if her husband manage the time well.

But when good money was rolling in, Laila was ashamed to tell Me that her husband bet more money in his 4D.
Things came back to square when rain never seem to stop and their customers were restricted to eat only at the 5foot way of rows of closed shops, not on closed car park.

Those were the days when she saw money depleting fast.
Even her saving with Me which she intended for her yearly trip up north to Kedah that usually cost her RM3,000 with 7 children tagging along, to visit her in-laws were taken too.

Big brother, Ah Long, came back into the picture.
Unlike the red paint splasher we used to read on papers, these Ah Long would sit and advice Laila on how to keep her family intact.

Yes, these Ah Long are intimidating people, but only to Laila's husband, to make him realise his duty as the head of his family.
He would use harsh words, showed his gangster way in front of Laila's husband and full of threat towards him.

But other than that, the Ah Long would bring gift of health tonic and food for My elderly neighbour, whose house the money lender would occasionally visit.
It was from where he observed that Laila's husband ran his duty.
Funny it may seem, but some men just prefer brutality than compassion.

It was after one of those 'Aidilfitri break some years ago.
After another fresh RM10,000 loan had just been made, Laila's husband sold the house and uprooted his family to Kedah.
The Ah Long was surprised at the silent move, the husband short term thinking for easily giving up good business premise and crowd of customers. 
Regular customers (My Family too), really miss Laila's cooking.

The Ah Long managed to track them, that sent shivers to Laila's husband, who had since become a lorry driver.
The Ah Long reminded the husband that if ever he heard that Laila had difficulties feeding her children because of the husband being lazy, he will not think twice to send men to chop his (Laila's husband) legs off.

China Mistress, The Home-Wrecker

Divorcee's Lonely War Against China 'Mistresses' 
by Maureen Koh

SHE leaves her four-room HDB flat in Clementi early in the morning and takes a bus to Chinatown, where she will spend the day.
It is a ritual she faithfully carries out four times a week. Her mission: To seek out "odd" couples, or rather, mainland Chinese women with middle- aged Singaporean men.
And when she spots "those suspicious ones", she whips out her digital camera, a voice recorder and a notepad. Madam Tay Wanqing, 46, is not a private investigator tailing and spying on adulterous men. She is out for revenge.
"It's war," she declared to The New Paper at her flat, "against these women who break up other people's families."
Stacked neatly in one bedroom, which is locked whenever Madam Tay leaves her home, are boxes of what she calls "incriminating evidence against the cheap women". 

Categorised info
The boxes are separated into three groups: "Case Closed", "In Progress" and "Given Up".
She declined to show its contents. What started out as a personal vendetta against mistresses has turned into an obsession for the housewife and mother of a teenager.
Unable to convince her to give up her obsession, her family members recently stopped all contact with her.
In a separate interview, her brother, Mr Tay Wantian, said: "Of course I love my sister, but it's like my parents and I have given up hope on her.
"We feel that she's gone off the deep end."
Madam Tay is aware of her family's objections and unhappiness. But she insists that she, too, is helpless.
"My brother keeps saying that I've gone mad, but if I stopped what I'm doing, I'd really go crazy," she said.
"I lost my husband after 25 years of marriage and I lost my son. What else do I have to live for?"
She was spurred into playing vigilante by her husband's previous affairs - three, she claimed - with Chinese nationals in 10 years.
Madam Tay said: "By the third affair, I gave up all hope and realised that no matter what happened, there'd always be another woman."
The couple, who have an 18-year-old son, filed for divorce in 2009.
That marked the start of her mission: To wipe out all the "wu ya" (crows) and "xiao long nu" (little dragon women). These are derogatory terms used to describe women from China.
Said Madam Tay: "I felt something had to be done. I didn't have anyone to help me when my husband was cheating on me and I had to depend on private investigators, which cost me money.
"Here, I don't charge anyone for my services."
Madam Tay was reluctant to elaborate on her "spying" techniques, adding that she was worried it would give her away and hinder her work. When she is on a mission, she scans the area for odd-looking couples.
She claimed to have learnt to tell the difference between married couples and adulterous pairs. She said her hunches have been about "90 per cent" correct so far.
After she has surreptitiously snapped pictures and taken videos of the couple, her next job is to track the men. But here's where she sometimes faces an obstacle.
Said Madam Tay: "I don't drive and some of these men do. I usually have to call for a cab, but if I don't get one, then it means starting all over again."
For the men whose addresses she has successfully uncovered, she will return another day to "present her evidence and break the news".
She admitted: "But not everyone appreciates my kaypoh (busybody) ways."
Sometimes, Madam Tay takes things into her own hands and confronts the mistresses.
She said: "I create a scene in public to shame them."
Hers is a dangerous obsession. She has been beaten before, by both the mistresses and the cheating men. Once, a man even called the police to complain of being harassed.
Madam Tay was let off with a warning.
Despite that, she is determined to continue with her mission because "for every one woman I can help, it's a point in heaven for me", she said.
With her approval, we spoke to one such grateful woman. Shop assistant Emily Yeo, 42, had suspected that her husband of five years was having an affair.
She told The New Paper: "But given my $1,000 a month salary, I couldn't afford a PI."
Madam Yeo, who has a five-year-old daughter, said she was shocked when Madam Tay knocked on her door on National Day last year.
She said: "At first I thought she was the mistress. Then, she showed me photos and a blurry video recording of my husband being intimate with a Chinese beer promoter."
Both women "hugged each other and cried for an hour".
Madam Yeo, who has filed for divorce, said: "I think my pain was dulled because I had (Madam Tay's) support."
Women like Madam Yeo give Madam Tay the strength to go on.
Said Madam Tay: "I still have my savings, but if that is depleted one day, I'm prepared to sell the flat."

****** 

Hubby Had Three Affairs
MADAM Tay Wanqing said her woes began in June 1999, when she learnt of her businessman husband's first affair with a Chinese study mama. The woman was working as a part-time cleaner in his food manufacturing company.
Madam Tay's husband fired the woman and, said Madam Tay, "we were happy for a while". The couple even went on a month-long second honeymoon trip to Europe.
But, in 2002, she noted a change in her husband's wardrobe and behaviour.
"He started wearing trendier colours and kept late nights," said Madam Tay.
Suspicious of her husband, she spent more than $2,000 to hire a private investigator (PI) who tracked her cheating spouse for eight days. She said she found out that her husband had setup a love nest with a karaoke hostess.
Madam Tay said: "I was so furious that I went to the condominium (unit) to confront the woman. She challenged me, telling me I should know how to keep my husband under control."
Madam Tay said she confronted her husband, who promptly promised to end the affair. But Madam Tay had a breakdown and was warded at the Institute of Mental Health for three months.
She said it strained her relationship with her son.
Said Madam Tay: "It was the worst time of my life. I swore I'd never allow him to hurt me again."
Again, her husband promised to change. He behaved for a few years - until late 2005, she said. This time, she spent $3,000 to hire another PI for 10 days.
The PI gathered enough evidence to show that her husband was cheating on her with a mamasan, Madam Tay said. It was the last straw and she filed for a divorce.
She said: "I realised that no matter what, my husband would never change his ways."
Madam Tay was given joint custody of her son, but he chose to live with his father.
"It hurt to be betrayed by the two men I love." 

Upset family wants her to 'come to her senses'
WHILE Madam Tay Wanqing is passionate about being a champion for wives with cheating husbands, her family members feel otherwise.
They are upset that everything they've done to convince Madam Tay to give up her obsession has been unsuccessful. And when this reporter first contacted her brother, Mr Tay Wantian, he was upset to learn that The New Paper would be running an interview with his only sister.
Mr Tay, 50, who runs a hair salon, said: "I think it's not right to encourage my sister, not when we feel she seriously needs help with her mental state."
His parents, who are in their late 70s, have "sort of disowned my sister", he added, "and you can't blame them".
Aside from worrying about her mental well-being, Mr Tay said they were also concerned over her personal safety.
"She has been beaten up before, yet she refuses to stop," he said.
"We know she needs to focus on something but spending her time and money this way is madness."
He is particularly worried because Madam Tay has always been an introvert and has few friends.
"Even when she was suffering because of her husband's infidelity, she didn't confide in us.
"It was only when she had to be warded at the Institute of Mental Health that we found out what happened."
When Madam Tay was discharged, he and his parents advised her to leave her husband.
Mr Tay said: "But my sister said she could not live without him and chose to give him another chance.
"Sceptical as we were, we supported Qing."
But following that, Madam Tay gradually withdrew from the family, said Mr Tay.
"She visited my parents less often and when they called, she'd just say she was busy with housework," he said.
It wasn't until Madam Tay was beaten up by one of the women that the family found out what she was doing.
Mr Tay said: "We were so shocked. My mother kept pleading with Qing to let go of the past and start life anew."
He added: "We've cajoled, we've shouted, we've threatened and we've begged her, but she's too stubborn to listen.
"She even threatened to kill herself if we pushed her too much."
Attempts to get Madam Tay to seek professional counselling were also unsuccessful, said Mr Tay.
"Much as we know she is hurting badly, there's only so much we can do to try and help her," he added.
"We can only hope she'll come to her senses one day, soon, before it's too late." 

This article was first published in The New Paper - Wednesday, March 16, 2011.

The Maid - Excessive Baggage + + (2)

No less than RM8,000 is the amount that employer needs to pay to have a maid.
It is then deducted through the maid's salaries for six months.

M.S. wrote, "Maybe, we should be more humanitarian, and pay her something from the first month, perhaps not the full salary, but a decent amount for her to send back home. Her family will be happy and so will she."
??????

M.S. wrote, "Sometimes, the maid will still want to leave anyway.

Then let her go.

But, with a good employer, the maid will not run away unless she is a psychotic.

She asked, "Will a maid run away if she is happy in a home, if she feels she is trusted, if she is given more than what she has contracted to do?"

That is the secret.

But if you are an employer who wants his or her pound of flesh, then be prepared for your maid to flee."

******

A reader, in response to a Malay Mail article written by Muzli Md Zin on January 18, 2011 - "I Don't Care: It's A Maid Problem" wrote,

BRAVO!!! Exactly the problem I am facing. After my last maid who worked for me for 4years took 1 month break to visit her "sick" mother with 4yrs salaries in CASH (she insisted CASH) in late Nov 10 and never returned. she did not even leave the country. i sent her to KLIA, checked her in, got passed Immigration (mind u, I saw she passed with my own eyes and later I have a immigration print out record!!) she did not board the flight (because Airlines called to scream at me for my maid was not there to board and they were delayed) How immigration left her out AFTER they stamped her passport of leaving Malaysia is still a mystery to this day!!! So here comes the serious of run around gave me by authorities (police, Immigration & airport security) finally I have to pay FINE to cancelled her permit!!!! I applied for new maid.. Guess what I cannot afford to pay AGENCY FEE “RM 8500.00” which does not grantee a good maid as if the run away or not suitable I still have to pay another RM1980.00 + immigration FINE RM250. oh by the way, I treated my last maid like my own sister!!! And we do not know any “Pak Latif”, so I am between work and caring of my children… and very clearly nearing to loose my JOB!! who cares about middle class like us :-(

******

There are a small number of foreign maids who run away because of abusive employers.
These maids generally seek assistance from either the Indonesian embassy or non-governmental organisations.
These maids should be warn of implications when trying to run away.
There are bound to be difference working in a different country with different culture.
They have to be open minded about it.
It is usually the culture, language, stress and human factor - fussy employers which cause maids to run away.
Adaptation and accustomisation, on some maids are quick,while others, may take a longer time to do so.

Although only a handful of these maids would eventually run away, most of the time,they did so due to external factors - unable to cope with workload or  their employers, or just being unable to adjust themselves living in a new environment.

******

Then there are those runaways influenced by third party.
Maids sometimes mingled with outsiders and fellow nationals who influenced them to run away with promises of easier and better-paying jobs.
Some find boyfriends, thus can be influenced to leave her job and enjoy an easier life with him.
Scores of foreign maids run away annually and in many instances take along their employer's cash and valuables with them.

A maid of 9 years had ran off with cash and jewellery valued about RM10,000.

She managed to take her passport, which the employer locked away.

Despite being treated at all times as part of family members, she eloped with her newfound boyfriend who present her with a handphone.

The employer's standard one daughter's emotion was affected by her disappearance, as she was being cared for by her, since birth.

******

Children who have been brought up by maids still think fondly of their maids.
Runaway maids, not just financial losses the family suffered, but the children too, whom the maid looked after. They also suffered as there were emotional ties involved.
We can change our mindset, accepting their runaway, but not the kids.
Toddlers and small kids are innocent in trust and love they have, for their minders.

******

Runaway maids are major problems faced by employers.
These maids can reenter the country as individuals on social visit passes through various illegal entry points into the country.
Once they gain entry under different identities, they can easily find employment.
They can be rehired by other unsuspecting employers.

Meanwhile, their former employers, on the other hand, have to fork out another thousands RM again, to hire new maids after their earlier help runs away with valuables.

Last year alone, there were 314 reports of maids running away after stealing from their employers.
Another 418 maids ran away without taking anything.
These included maids who committed various crimes.

******

It is estimated that at least 50,000 households are in need of maids.
There are about 400,000 Indonesian maids working in Malaysia sending money to their families back home.

M.S. wrote: We have to learn to trust maids.

Treat them with respect and kindness in word, thought and deed.

A kind gesture goes a long way
.

But when the maid is an opportunist sort, kind gesture will be misunderstood, or be taken advantage of.

Some maids set their own rules, keep praising themselves, claiming others are not as good enough as them.
They can be big headed, turn rebellious, talk back and yell at employers, telling them what to do.
I've came across many such cases, especially when they know asking for another change of maids mean employers have to retrain new maids all over again.
Especially when they do not have much time in hands.
Employers will then  find ways to win the maids' hearts, to love their kids.
These maids can be spoilt too, unappreciative of kind gestures of all the good things in life, employers shower on them.
Employers will be punished for abusing their maids, but employers abused by their maids?
Lesson learnt.

******

Then there are cases of lazy maids who perform half-heartedly.
And there are those fresh school leavers, never touch any houseworks before.
They need to be taught even simple things as how to sweep and squeeze the mops
I've met many maids who are not poor back home, nor in great financial difficulties.
They become housemaids because of current trend in their home villages, where females become housemaids in foreign lands.
Upon their return, the neighbourhood 'will stood up' to their houses renovations and extensions. 

Watch out for those using your husbands' belongings.

It is all too familiar stories heard of they putting their used sanitary pad into soups, and water that they wash their legs used by their employers' families.

******

I've seen maids who demand to be sent home, crying uncontrollably, even when they understand that they are not allowed home before their two-years is up.
They cook up stories of fathers' very sick, mothers' dying, and grandparents sick too.
At the end of the day, when sympathetic employers sent them home for a week or two, with salaries paid, the maids themselves are usually sick too.
Unable to return!

******

Married maids when receiving news of their husbands run away with another women or marrying another wife, sure have their hearts dissppeared into thin air, followed by tremendous crying episodes.
Employers at these times, have to accept what-to-expect-next.

Or, married maids who extend their services, upon their return from their hometowns, several were known to be carrying babies.
They are usually good helpers, hence the extension.
Sign of relief by employers upon seeing them returning again at the airport will soon ache heads as they need to be send back home, unless employers do not mind if their maids do not have smooth pregnancy.
Again, there are great money involved again, especially when their permits have just been renewed.

******

Usually employers will buy their maids, especially when they are first time maids, new lingeries and toiletries to make them having the welcome home feeling.
But maids with attitude problems, even how matured and independent they maybe, will not return kindness with honesty.
They will not hesitate to stealing, even trivial things.

******

Employers And Foreign Maids To Be Told Their Rights

KUALA LUMPUR: Employers must soon attend a half-day course with their newly-employed foreign maids to learn about their rights and responsibilities to each other.

“The course is expected to start at the end of next month. The parties must participate in the course within six months from the time the maids enter the country,” said Human Resources Minister Datuk Dr S. Subramaniam.

Representatives of employment agencies would also join in the course, called the Seminar and Dialogue for Foreign Maids, as there had been complaints against the agencies as well.

The Manpower Department (JTK) will organise such courses nationwide.

“This is to show the world that Malaysia is playing a more positive role to improve on the employer-maid working relationship.

“Although 99% of households with foreign maids are coping well, the one per cent of problematic relationships is giving a wrong impression about the country,” said Dr Subramaniam after the launch of a guidebook on the employment of foreign maids at Socso building here yesterday

The Human Resources Ministry would get the list of new maids entering the country from the Immigration Department and use it to notify the parties supposed to attend the compulsory course.

In May last year, the Malaysian Employers Federation had appealed to the ministry to organise induction courses, as the foreign trainers conducting such courses in source countries might not be familiar with the local culture here.

Last November, there was also a proposal for government officers to conduct “friendly visits” to houses to enquire about the welfare of the foreign maids, but the suggestion was shot down as many felt it was an invasion into their privacy.

On the guidebook, Dr Subramaniam said it outlined the role and responsibilities of each party in the service contract; as well as hotline numbers, websites and addresses of related agencies such as the Immigration Department, JTK and police.

“The guidebook will be given to maids attending the course,” he added.

As for the on-going negotiations with the Indonesian parties wanting a RM800 monthly salary for maids, the minister said Malaysia had countered the proposal by urging for the salary scale to be determined by market forces.

He believed the two sides were keen to resolve outstanding issues the soonest possible.

Last June, Indonesia froze the dispatch of Indonesian maids to Malaysia, following reports of abuse by employers.

Indonesian Ambassador to Malaysia Tan Sri Da’i Bachtiar SH later said that Jakarta would demand higher wages in its negotiations to lift the freeze.

Meanwhile, the Association of Foreign Maid Agencies (Papa) deputy president Foo Yap Hooi agreed with the Government’s proposal to allow market forces dictate wages.

“Better trained maid will be able to command a higher salary. Employers must be sure they are agreeable to the salary stated in the contract.

“If they want to change the maid, they will need to do it within the time period given and pay for the exchange fee,” he said. 

Source: The Star - Februaury 22, 2010

The Maid - Excessive Baggage + +

Maids: Not All Employers At Fault

AKHLILY FARHANA HAZIZAN, Shah Alam, Selangor

I REFER to the letter "We must start to treat them better" (NST, Feb 8) from M.S. on the treatment of maids. I agree with what M.S. said but sometimes, even with care and love, maids still tend to run away or do something that might be troublesome for employers.

I know of a family which trusted their maid and treated her like family. They allowed her to go out on weekends, own a handphone and even meet her relatives who were staying in Malaysia.

Despite all the love they gave her, one morning she ran away with a man soon after her employers went to work, leaving their 5-year-old daughter alone at home. The family members were devastated because they could not believe that the maid had the heart to do such a thing to them. The 5-year-old missed the maid so much that she had fever for about a week.

My point is, no matter how strong the bond that has developed between an employer and an employee, there is still a possibility that the employee might act up. How well you treat your maid does not matter if she does not appreciate the love.

We always see the problem coming from the employer's side. What about the maid? Maids are humans too. They also make mistakes. Therefore, we should not blame employers entirely. I have heard of many cases similar to the one above.

Most maids who cause problems are in the age group of 25 and below. I think they lack the maturity to be maids. Also, it is at this age that they are likely to get caught up in love which might end in them running away with their boyfriends.

The legal age to work as a maid in Malaysia is 25 and above. However, agencies always promote and supply maids who are younger. Most of my friends have maids aged 20 to 25.

I am curious as to how such young maids are able to bypass Immigration and work in Malaysia.

My experience shows that older maids are more reliable. The older they are, the better they are at housework; they are also more hardworking. The younger ones are good too, but once they start to mingle with other foreign workers, quality of their work drops.

I have always had problems with young maids. The worst was when my maid started to sneak her boyfriend into my house.

Employers should not be the one who always get criticised when it comes to maid issues. Maids have to respect their employers and earn their trust. With this, it would be easier for employers to treat them like family.

Source: New Straits Times - February 27, 2011

******

Maid issues will never end.
When maids enter the household, we need to train them.
But for how long?

If they are newcomers, inexperience maids, do not know how to use modern appliances, be prepared to take several months to train them up to your expectations.
Be prepared too, for constant replacement for the appliances being mishandled.
Some maids do not even know how table should be laid.
I've encountered many working mothers who lamented their maids had taken up all their leaves. They needed  officail familiarisation with their working place and duties.

Even then, some maids, with their 'own initiative', would only sweep, mopping and vacuuming some parts of the floor, scrub some parts of the toilet and wipe some parts of the windows.
Meticulous house owners definitely 'jump' seeing these performance.

Some mothers, despite having maids, especially those mothers with phobia to constant replacement of washing machines, stoves, kettles and other electrical appliances, still have to do their own washing beside other house works.
Other additional duties for them are to switch off the electrical appliances all the time.

Many maids are known to be forgetful creatures, keep forgetting how certain things should be done, to the extend of employers almost 'babysitting’ them all the time.
New mothers and mothers in confinement can be at their wit ends - two babies to look after at one go.

The maids?
General house-works - cleaning the house, hang to dry the clothing and ironing.

Some employers have to bear with maids of mild mental retardation.
Some of them are known to be fond of singing their hearts out despite odd hours, some smile at the most inappropriate time, and some talk to the walls.

Worst still, these mothers must be mentally prepared at all times their maids might not adjust themselves into the household.
If these maids are young, first timer away from their family, working in foreign land, does not speak your language, some communication by means of sign language, can they adjust overnight?
Some missed their mother, and simply asked to be sent home after a few days work.

Counselling usually bear no fruit, as these 'children-at-heart maids' missed the environment of their close knitted family and their mothers' cooking.
The memory occupied their minds.
Homesick can turn them to be fierce, affecting them mentally too, thus affecting their performance.
They can appear more dreamy and more forgetful.
Their minds are elsewhere, not in their heads.
They can stare at objects for hours.
They have blank looks.
They can be totally, really blur, in their dream world.
Can vigorous shaking wake them up?

******

An experienced maid will usually cut down training time as they are familiar with house duties.
But they can be bossy, laughing at you.
Some knows they have every right to talk back, can engage in "war of words", can vent their anger or displeasure by banging doors.
Worst to think scenario are employers with small kids.

These maids tend to be street smart and street wise, always on the lookout for new pastures.
Some of them possess fiery tongues.
Some others, good at badmouthing, able to send rifts among family members and relatives.

******

M.S. wrote, since Indonesia has stopped sending its maids to Malaysia, temporary maids are being hired out for up to RM1,500 each.

Agencies are the ones making the mega-bucks.
M.S. suggested it is time to re-look our treatment of maids, are they being treated as family by employers?

How many employers allow their Christian maids a day off for Christmas?

How many employers allow their Muslim maids a day off for Hari Raya?

I know of employers who were happy to allow the maids a day off, and even those with babies were willing to sacrifice so that their maids could go out for Christmas.

The maids were happy because their religion was accepted.

They had the opportunity to spend Christmas away from their workplace.

Do we care enough to show the maids that we trust them?

F.N.did trust her maid then.

She took her out shopping.

On Hari Raya, they spent the whole day, had typical Raya lunch and dinner, and gave her maid a day off for Hari Raya last year.

But, she came back pregnant.

Further, M.S. wrote, let her have a handphone from the first day. 
Work on trust and warmth.

F.N. did give a handphone to her maid - The maid was provided with easy access contacting her boyfriends. She even went out in the middle of the night when the family was all asleep, returning at 5am.

******

In one of the household in Malaysia, the female employer found out that the maid was pregnant.

The maid refused to reveal the father's identity.

Since the maid has had no opportunity to leave the house on her own, the first person whom the employer suspected was naturally her husband.

The wife felt hurt and cheated.
But the husband denied the accusation.
Verbal fights broke out between the couple.

The relationship deteriorated and the wife demanded divorce.

Their teenage son, all along, felt incredibly guilty - For creating the whole mess, the misunderstanding, the rift he caused, and the pending divorce.

He said everyday after school, when he was alone at home with the maid, she would seduced him.
He easily fell victim to her seductions - and got her pregnant.

The parents promptly paid off the maid.
She was sent her back to Indonesia.

******

A very good friend caught her husband having an affair with their maid in the maid's room.

She confronted them, and was severely beaten.

She forgave him, and the affair continued.

She ignored the black chapter in her life.
She look forward to the ever expending food business.

That maid wasn't their first, so naturally suspecting this particular maid having an affair with her husband was never in my friend's mind.

But surprisingly, the husband had been behaving very awkwardly since the first day of her arrival.

He confessed to have voluntarily given her several thousand RM on few occasions.
That's beside the almost daily RM50.

The maid was terminated.

Although my good  friend and her husband are still together, she had lost total trust in him. 

Her eight children are all on her side. 

Now, she guards not the husband, but the flourishing food business which she built from scratch.

******

After two months of her maid brought in her boyfriend,she caught them red-handed in her house.

Neighbours had hinted to her.
But true to their guess, she will not believe them.
She was very close to the maid - She had full trust in her.

It was only after she returned home unannounced, at 3pm.

The maid was immediately sent back to the agent.

******

Some mothers, only after installing CCTVs, did they realise that their maids were tv addicts, especially the many Indonesian sinetrons on Astro.

Wost still, the CCTV showed some mothers their toddlers were pushed to the walls for misbehaved.

(to be continued)

The Maid - Unholy Acts In The Holiest Place (4)

 
An unnamed man doubted his maid’s intentions after finding talismans and other magic items in her room.

'Kabar' Arabic language daily, on Tuesday reported the arrest of an Indonesian housemaid and her magic items seized.
Her employer told Saudi authorities that she was planning to harm his family through sorcery.
The employer had since filed charges against his maid.

******

A 32-year-old Asian housemaid, during the first week of December last year, was caught by her employer adding dirt to the water tank at the house in the eastern town of Tarut, a Saudi newspaper reported.

She was then brought to the police, and she told them that she had done so to make the family love her and make family members love each other more.
She claimed such was the practice in her country.

A week later, Saudi online Arabic language paper Ajel reported that a Saudi employer saw the Indonesian housemaid adding urine to the food she cooked for the family in the central town of Buraida.

She admitted to have adding it to the family’s food with belief that her doing will make the family love her and prevent them from hurting her.

****** 

With nearly one million maids from Indonesia and other Asian nations work in Saudi Arabia, some employers, or their family members, especially the females, are “forced” to protect themselves against their maids.

There are cases where maids allegedly put a spell on her employer, usually the husband.

There was a case when the employer's wife suspected witchcraft because her husband kept defending the maid from criticism every time she neglected her work.

But unknown to the wife, the bewitched husband adored the maid, and was carrying out all her wishes.

The maid took refuge in sorcery to make her male employer  likes her.

******  

Fear Of Black Magic Forces Maids’ Probe 

Fatima Sidiya | Arab News

JEDDAH: Allegations about maids casting spells and being involved in black magic has driven fearful housewives to call on the help of investigators. The main purpose of calling these women is to investigate maids before they go back to their countries.
The majority of investigators are non-Saudis who have lately been joined by some Saudi graduates unable to find proper jobs. The job of the investigators involves checking the personal property of maids in search of sponsors’ photographs, hair or clothes that can then be used for magic when the maid returns home.
Googling “maid investigator” in Arabic brings up over 1,800 results of women looking for maid investigators. Housewives exchange names and contact details on Internet forums, and warn each other about maids who do magic.
Um Muhammad is an Egyptian investigator who followed up on maids for five years but then stopped because her husband expressed concern that she might get attacked.
“I used to receive telephone calls from housewives asking me to investigate their maids before they’re sent home,” said Um Muhammad, who used to check two to three maids of different nationalities each day. One Riyadh-based investigator whose number is widely distributed on Internet forums said she is ready to travel to Jeddah to investigate maids.
“Don’t worry, keep her with you and I’ll investigate her,” she said, adding that housewives who telephone her can watch her do her work as long as they’re not scared.
The investigator explained that in order to do her work properly, she needs the housewife to play along with her and tell the maid that she has been sent by a government body and that her checks are part of the repatriation process.
Investigators also show particular concern in winning over new customers by exaggerating the threat of black magic and slashing fees. The investigation process is normally conducted in two parts — the first involves searching a maid’s belongings, and the second her body and clothes. Investigators usually ask for between SR400 and SR500 for each investigation, which takes about two hours. Some housewives give only SR200 for the internal investigation and carry out the external investigation themselves.
Most Saudis, it seems, are more concerned with maids dabbling in black magic rather than stealing valuables. Suad Afif, a sociologist and professor at King Abdulaziz University, asked why housewives use people who they do not know to investigate their maids, adding that such women are not even specialists in such work.
Afif said that Islamic morals prevent women from checking their maids’ personal stuff and that they look for others to do this. Some also fear their maids may lash out or have little experience in how to check on their maids. Afif said if checking maids before their final exit has become a necessity then there needs to be an official body that can do this job. This would ensure housewives remain safe.
“Black magic and the evil eye are there, but in the end it is as Allah says. Nothing can ever reach us except what Allah has destined for us,” said Afif, adding, “We should not become anxious all the time. Not every maid comes into our homes to perform black magic.”
Afif also warned housewives about investigators who are more concerned with earning money than helping people.

The Maid Story - The Home-Wrecker

Maids In Singapore (6)

For 8 years, the couple paid a monthly installment of S$1,000 for their terrace house in Bukit Indah in JB.
In a couple of years time, the second home, their weekend house, will be fully paid.

But a twist of an event took place:
The husband had run away with their maid and is now staying in Batam.

The wife, a staff nurse in one of the hospital in Singapore, was not aware that their maid and her husband were having an amorous affair for many years until he disappeared for good.

The wife was at lost:
Having no helper and left with three school going kids to look after single-handedly.

Not to add more financial woes to her already tight budget, she returned the terrace house back to the bank, after 'giving' the bank close to S$100,000.
Such a price to pay for a man's folly and a maid's joy.

Sad to say, I had just known it yesterday during my Aidilfitri visit although I had always reminded relatives, friends and those who intended and wanted to buy property over here, please... for goodness sake, valuation for properties purchased here is not the same as in Singapore.

All the furnitures was given to another Singaporean's son who had just bought a house in Johor Jaya in JB.
With the renovation added, probably another S$100,000 went down the drain.

***** ****** ******

By Zubaidah Nazeer

Mon Sep 20, 2010  

I Saw My Maid Hugging My Hubby In Bed

They are linked by marriage but live in separate homes. But now, an elderly woman and her daughter-in-law claim to share a common fate in the disintegration of their marriages. Both women point the finger at the same "home-wrecker" - an Indonesian maid. The elderly woman, Madam Sarah, 65, took out a personal protection order (PPO) against her son for allegedly assaulting her when she confronted the maid. Her daughter-in-law, Madam Lisa, 35, claims her 10-year marriage to Madam Sarah's son was abusive from the start, but things got worse when the maid started working for them. She claimed that she caught her husband in their bed with the maid one day. The couple are now divorced while Madam Sarah is planning to file for divorce from her husband, who is also 65. All the names have been changed to protect the identity of the younger couple's  three-year-old child. MADAM LISA'S STORY: She said she knew that her husband was someone who would get drunk and become violent. She married him anyway, thinking she could change him. Within their first year of marriage, she went to court to successfully apply for a PPO against Mr David. The violence, in the form of slaps, punches and hair-pulling, continued, and each time Madam Lisa would return to her mother's place to complain. She told The New Paper: "I didn't want to have a baby all these years because I feared he would be violent. I was pregnant in 2002 but aborted it." Said Madam Lisa's sister: "None of us wanted her to marry this man. Not even my mother, but she kept insisting she was in love." Agreeing, her mother said: "I prayed for her not to marry this person. We had heard about his behaviour from his relatives." She added: "He has too much drama. Once, when Lisa returned to our home, he appeared outside our flat and said he had drunk Dettol and dropped on the floor in self-pity. "I kept telling her not to go back but she would do so after two or three weeks." Then, in the middle of last year, Madam Lisa employed an Indonesian maid, who was recommended by her husband's friend. About two weeks later, she went home around 5pm and saw Mr David behaving inappropriately with the maid. "I saw them on the bed, he was without a shirt and she was hugging him. Once he saw me, he pushed the maid away." They argued and he pulled out the telephone line and took her handphone, she claimed. Two days later, they argued again after he was unhappy that she was exchanging SMSes with her male friends. She claimed he punched her on the right arm and pulled her hair. He also scolded her with vulgarities. Four days later, they quarrelled again over the SMS incident. She said: "He used both hands to choke me and I shouted for my maid to help but she did not come out of her room." Her husband then released his grip on her neck and told her that he was taking her to his mother's house. They went there with the maid and their child. Said Madam Sarah: "My son came to complain to me about Lisa. He said she was having boyfriends. I was on his side because I had no idea what was going on in their marriage and I told him to talk it out." Mr David then left with the maid and their child in a taxi. Madam Lisa called a friend and stayed with her for a night. She then moved to a shelter for women for seven weeks. During her time there, she reflected on her life, got advice and gathered the confidence to walk out on her marriage. She also made a police report, which she showed to The New Paper, about the above incidents. After leaving the shelter, she went back to retrieve her child, accompanied by the police. "The padlock on the gate had been changed and we got a locksmith to break it. The maid ignored me when I took my child," she said. Madam Lisa, who now lives with a relative, wants to put her past behind her. She said: "My child has gone through so much trauma. I realise that even having a child has not tamed my husband's violence." MADAM SARAH'S STORY: Her problems began early this year when her son moved into her flat with the maid. "I was all right with him moving in after his flat was sold. He was going through a bitter separation and divorce with his wife," she said. But she found it odd that he moved in with the maid. Madam Sarah, who still works, said: "I pitied him because of the marriage breakdown but I also wondered why he brought the maid along. I told him I didn't need a maid but he said she could help with the housework." In a matter of months, she was facing verbal and physical abuse from her son and husband. She made three police reports against her son and one against her husband. She also wrote a letter to the Indonesian embassy in February to plead for the maid to be returned, saying she did not need her and that she had ruined her marriage. The New Paper saw the reports and the letter. She claimed the men would often get drunk and hangout with the maid. They would abuse and beat her when she questioned their behaviour. One serious incident occurred in March. In her police report,Madam Sarah said she used her mobile phone to take a picture of the maid after the latter returned home around 5am with the two men. The maid complained to Mr David who then grabbed the phone from her, threw it on the floor and punched her on the face. "I was frightened for my life. I did not expect such a violent reaction," she said. She then obtained a PPO against her son on July 15. But this did not stop the violence, she said. The latest incident occurred last month. In a police report dated Aug 10, Madam Sarah said her son had questioned her about meeting his ex-wife. She said: "He thought I was scheming with his wife. I met her to see my grandchild. I told her about my problems with my son." Madam Sarah said she was worried about her safety and went to a police station and called her older son. She was persuaded to return home, where her younger son and husband taunted her. In her police report, she said they gestured to the beer bottle and then spat at her face. She said she called the police after her husband and son beat her older son, who had gone up to check on her. She has moved out and is now staying with her daughter. She has applied for a PPO against her husband. She said of her son: "When he told me of his problems at home and accused his wife of having a boyfriend, I believed him." "But I see clearly now that my son is the one to blame. He has treated me like garbage. I have seen him hugging the maid and calling her 'darling'."  "I didn't cheat on my wife' No, I didn't hit my mother. Nor did I cheat on my wife. This was what Mr David said when The New Paper contacted him yesterday. The security guard claimed that accusations of his violence are false. "They can make all these police reports but I have never hit my mother," he said. His mother, Madam Sarah, has a court order granting her a Personal Protection Order (PPO) against him for an incident in March. His ex-wife also took out a PPO against him. Mr David said that he was filing for a PPO against his mother for hitting him with a shoe and hitting his leg in July. He added: "My mother has never been that way... making lots of police reports and taking out a PPO... until my ex-wife came into the picture. In fact, she hated my ex-wife. "But now, I believe my ex-wife was the one that had instigated her. "How can I hit her and beat her... my own mother?" Asked about the two women's allegations about his having an affair with the maid, he reiterated that his ex-wife hates him and has turned his mother against him. He said: "Both of them are going around telling everybody that I am having an affair but this is not true." He said he had initiated the divorce because his wife had cheated on him. He refused to comment further, apart from confirming that he has divorced his wife. When contacted, Mr David's father refused to comment or let us speak to the maid. Mr Harry Low, a marriage counsellor, advises those who face family violence at home to: 1. Have a safety plan and assess your risk. 2. Be aware of all the emergency contact numbers. 3. Have a mobile phone handy in case all residential lines have been disconnected. 4. Get help from neighbours. 5. Apply for a Personal Protection Order. 6. If desperate, take refuge in a women's shelter and talk to counsellors there. He said: "The most important thing is to realise that you should not hesitate to seek help. Often, the victims lack self-confidence or have low self-esteem and don't realise they can break free from this cycle of violence. This article was first published in The New Paper.

The Imprisoned Obedience In A Wife

August 19, 2010 - No Outside Food For Inmates

PUTRAJAYA: There will be no home-cooked rendang, lemang, ketupat and lodeh for prison inmates come Hari Raya as food items can no longer be brought during visits to prevent dangerous and prohibited items from being smuggled into the cells.
Due to attempts by some to smuggle in drugs, cigarettes, tobacco, money, liquor and even handphones for prisoners by “hiding” them in food items, the prison authorities have banned families from bringing outside food to inmates for the past five years.
Prisons Department head of secretariat unit Sufri Hashim said the decision had upset some families and even inmates as they could no longer enjoy the occasional home-cooked meals; but the ruling was necessary to ensure prohibited items did not enter the prisons.
Sufri said there were occasions when prison guards found substances hidden in cakes, secret compartments in containers, soup thermos and milk-powder boxes or tins.
“Malaysia’s prison is not the only correctional facility that imposes such a ruling. Most prisons around the world do not allow visitors to bring outside food for the prisoners.
“However, items such as clothes, books and other basic needs can be passed to the inmates but it will still be subject to inspection to curb attempts at smuggling in prohibited items,” he told a media briefing yesterday.
He said if non-governmental organisations were sponsoring meals for inmates, the prison authorities would check the source of the food to ensure “they are safe and healthy”.
Sufri also said that relatives need not have to go through the trouble of smuggling money to prisoners as they were actually allowed to leave money for the inmates but it would be under the care of prison officials and an official receipt would be issued.
He also said it was important for family members to visit inmates as often as possible as it was a form of moral support for them to turn over a new leaf and to encourage them to behave.
Visitations were allowed once a week. - The Star

******

As I read this, it brought back memories of the early 90s when I was lucky to visit one of the Kajang Prison inmate.

Lucky?
Yes, I was.
When visitation rights are strictly meant for family members and relatives only. But ex-neighbour?

The inmate, whom I shall refer to as Kak Maimun, showed me and taught me a lot about married life and staying married.
An observing servant to her Creator, a very obedient wife, a responsible mother and a mindful neighbour.
I still made a point to occasionally visit her after I moved house.

During one of those visits, I received the news that she was being remanded by Johor Bahru narcotic police and will be charged in KL court for possessing of unlawful drug (I've forgotten what the drug was).

When I asked her children, they blamed their mother's youngest brother,  a drug addict,  for the mother's involvement in drug transactions.
So she had been selling drug for quite sometime? I can just tell myself, impossible for her to do so.

She was proud to tell me she was saving up for her coming pilgrimage to Mecca. She had even showed me her Tabung Haji savings of RM9,000 - more than enough then, for the trip there.
I was proud of her far sightedness and initiative.
Although illiterate, she maximise the skills she had - massaging and taking care of mothers before and after delivery, and sewing - and sewing she did, day and night, after doing her morning rounds of giving body massage to mothers in confinement and cleaning the newborns.

Sitting around with her youngest sister, another story emerged.
Kak Maimun had been helping her husband, an ex-policeman turned security officer, with his illegal trade. Always an obedient wife, she had never said no to him.

When narcotic police, based on public tip-off, raided their house, the first thing she did was to salvage the drug which was kept in a Tupperware - She was caught red-handed with the drug in hands.
Both husband and wife were remanded at the local police station.
The husband was released after two weeks in detention. Kak Maimun's mother went berserk upon his release.

Kak Maimun was transferred to Women's Prison in Kajang, Kuala Lumpur.
Of course an ex-policeman knows how to worm his way out with consistent denial of possessing the drug, claimed Kak Maimun's mother.

During one of the Hari Raya, with her sisters from JB, I followed them to pay her a visit.
Her daughter who was staying in KL prepared her mother's favourite dish - 'soto' - the night before, and we set off early when the sun was about to rise.
My heart sank when the food was checked, the soup was drained, leaving just the plain, tasteless rice cake for her.
Even the 'begedel' was taken away too.

Conversation with her was again, full of advice for me to properly take care of my family.
How she passed her time in prison when a life sentence had been passed to her? Again, maximising the skill she had, she was tasked to take care imprisoned pregnant ladies and to assist in looking after newborns.

I figured upon her release, how was she going to face her neighbours as they were surprised to know that I can see eye to eye with her and visited her in prison.
I see the goodness she imparted in me is way much more than what was printed in the local paper.
Didn't I read the paper? An elderly neighbour asked. Maybe I missed out.
She blamed Kak Maimun for her son's dabbling in drug.
From then on, almost all Kak Maimun's help and services to mothers and newborns went unappreciated.

Few months after the life sentence was passed to her, Kak Maimun's husband remarried and went back to his hometown in Batu Pahat to stay in his mother's house which was left vacant for more than 10 years after the old lady passed away.
Kak Maimun passed away in prison in the early 2000s, without ever knowing that her husband had remarried, although, on his behalf, she claimed the drug was hers.

To safeguard himself, the husband had never once visited the wife in prison.
His five children with Kak Maimun, who are all now married, could not be bothered to visit him in Batu Pahat as he showed no remorse and empathy towards his late wife who sacrificed her freedom for her unquestioned obedience towards her husband.

To him, his life must go on on...

***Changes Made 
                             

Are The Corpses Not Seeing?

A man, Muhamad-Ali Mahmod, 35, unemployed, who strangled and slapped a corpse across the cheek at a funeral of his neighbour was given 14 weeks for the offence, which is punishable with up to 3 years and/or a fine, by a district court on Friday.


He is believed to be the first person to be convicted of offering indignity to a human corpse at a flat in Tampines on March 8.
The court heard that Muhamad-Ali, who at about 4pm, entered the living room of his 72-year-old neighbour who held some prayers at the funeral of his late son - strangled and slapped the corpse. The deceased's father felt insulted by the act.
A relative immediately told him to leave and he did so.


He told the court that he would seek his neighbour's forgiveness after his release, and that he did it while he was under the influence of inhalant.

******

If the article in the 21 May Straits Times shows how low the moral of a person can be, a wife, who was told of her husband's demise at the last minute, faced more than that.

I shall refer the wife as Anne, who used to recharge her energy at my previous house.
She's 24/7, forever busy - with ceaseless housework and attending to 9 children.
The only time I would go to her house was after 10pm, just a walking distance away. I had to visit her occasionally for her to release her pent-up feelings and facing with the never ending household duties. My Husband would then fetch me home in the wee hours.

Anne's husband was seldom around as he, being the sole breadwinner, has not only his family to support, but his parents too. He would grab whatever job opportunity after working hours available and able for him to do that he had no time to look after, thus neglected his health.

******

A man, who looked like Anne's husband, whom I shall call Nas, kept staring at me when I was waiting for a bus back to JB, almost 10 years ago.
Impossible it was Nas. He's a strong man to use a walking stick. If it was really him, he should approach me as we were ex-neighbours.
When the bus back to JB came, I alighted, and he's still staring blankly at me until the bus left his sight.

I told My Husband what had happened and he insisted me visiting Anne but she's very busy in the day and she would not feel comfortable talking to me with My Husband's presence since now He has to send and fetch me, no more a walking distance to her house.

Around a week after the incidence, My Husband, who happenend to meet Anne's neighbour, told Him Anne's wish to meet me.
I went to her place the day after.

We met - Nas had passed away 3 days after I saw him at the bus-stop.
Nas called up Anne, his wife, of the sad news. He was happy to chance upon me at the bus-stop. He had waited for the moment for almost a month but his weak legs failed him to approach me.

He really wanted to see me. He had wanted me to bring his wife to the CPF (Central Provident Fund) building. He had wanted his wife to tell the truth - The nominees for his CPF had been changed, by force. He has to leave his wife and 9 children, penniless. He's too weak to fight against his 3 sisters' demand. He's terminally ill from nose cancer - It started from a simple but ignored treatable sinus that cost his health.

He had to leave Anne and the 9 children, all Malaysians, at home, to stay at Ang Moh Kio, one of his sister's house.
He's a Singaporean, working in Singapore and had to make the daily visit to one of the hospital in Singapore. Nas's sister would accompany him to the hospital daily and the children would go over to visit their father during the weekends or school holiday.

It was during one of those nights that, when 2 of his children were with him at Ang Koh Kio, 9 and 11 years old then, overheard how their father was forced to change the nominees for his CPF which had more than S$100,000.
Towards the end of his days, the children, whenever around, would discreetly plugged-in the home phone, which he had no access to, to call up his wife for a few minutes treasured conversations.
His passport was being kept by his sister, until his death.

******

2 hours before he was supposed to be buried at 11am, Anne received a call from one of her brother-in-law, after a great objection from his wife, of Nas's death.
She prayed hard, despite the heavy traffic at the causeway and her 2 small children, 3 and 5 years-old then, tagged along, she would meet her husband for the last time. The pre-schoolers were too young to understand what the family went through.

When her husband had to go to the hospital everyday, she used to visit him at Ang Moh Kio until one of those visit day when her sister-in-law called up the neighbourhood police, reporting her of being a trespasser.
The policeman had to wait until she went back to JB.

******

True enough, God answered Anne's prayer. 

The person supposed to come to cleanse the body for burial was late.

The moment she arrived and lifted up the cloth that covered her husband's face, her head was repeatedly knocked by her sister-in-law, accusing her of being so stupid to cause her husband's death.

She was being accused to put him under her spell. She was being accused to charm him for so long. She was being accused with all accuses one can think of, until well-wishers stopped the sister-in-law's hit and accuses hurled on Anne.
Those stupidity, those accusation, those spell, those charm, did not stop Anne from reciting the Qur'an for her husband with heavy sob and fast flowing tears until he was buried 7 feet underground.

The very night of his last breath at around 11pm, Anne, from the corner of her eyes, saw Nas, her husband, he stood at their bedroom door, staring blankly at Anne, until Anne went with him to a very big building with many doors, as Anne recalled her dream.

She was brought around the building with green. and she remembered well which floor, which room to go to.

******

A day after Anne went back to JB, her late husband's ex-colleagues paid her a visit.

She was handed an envelope with around S$22,000 inside, collected from staff working at the bus company where Nas was working as an inspector then.

Prior to the last post he held, he was a bus driver in one of the biggest bus company in Singapore.
There, almost RM20,000 was collected although he had left the previous place more than 15 years ago but colleagues remembered him well, for putting his father first before his family - it was his father who held his ATM card.
He had to constantly remind the old man not to overdraw, reminding the father he has had family members of 10 to feed at home, and which is never enough when the father withdrew any amount the father likes it.                                   

Mr Lee, My Father And I

"The first thing you learn as a small country is to act small and humble. You go around telling people, they say you are out of your depth, you don't understand my problems. So we keep our mouth shut unless we are asked." 

I heard these statements in the 7am news.
It rings in my ears and I think, will stay there for a very long time.

Nothing is more than the truth as what was said by  Minister Mentor Mr Lee Kuan Yew.
That's what I've been practising, or put it into practise although occasionally there's slip of the tongue or just had to trash things out.

We are in foreign land, we can only look, see, feel and taste any bitterness that comes along our way.

******

Pride is very difficult for a normal being to do away with.
Live with ignorance... Yes.
But to live without pride?
Pride travels as far deep as into the jungle: A ______ of lion.

******

Mr Lee was then speaking at the 20th annual conference of the Inter-Pacific Bar Association on the theme "Climate Change And Legal Practice" at the Marina Sands Convention Centre.

He does not think much will come out from the next round of talks in Cancun, as long as countries like the US, China and India keep to their stand on the issue although it is something that has real consequences many years down the road.
Even as the climate change talks last year weren't a complete failure, no country could commit itself.
No one could commit to reduce a percentage of carbon footprint although all cards are on the table.

The Chinese and the Indians would also not want to commit themselves.
There's more dilly-dallying internationally.
Every country focus on its own internal problems.
Everybody are into a very difficult, messy situation.
The governments in power promise the people a better life…
So the idea of taking tough action now against putting off to the future generation.
The result is - "Let's put it off and talk about it."

That's Mr Lee Kuan Yew...
I live with what he visualise, he did, and ... ALL FOR THE WORLD TO SEE.

******

I was very, very small when there's a  'barongan'  to welcome his visit to where I was staying then - Not too faraway from Izhar's house, one of the  'Black Dog Bone's'  member.

All I can say is that Mr Lee Kuan Yew is a very, very, very far sighted Prime Minister.
There's just too much father figure in him.

Until today, I see My Father in him.

******

My Father came to Singapore not out of poverty, but to seek knowledge.
He saw the Dutch that with knowledge they prosper.
Manipulating their knowledge in business, they monopolise trade in Indonesia and later colonise the country.

On My Father's journey to Singapore with his cousin, he saw many Japanese in Batam.
Japanese left their mark in Batam with a place called Nagoya - My Father learn to read, write and speak Japanese.

After the war, he married my Mother, who was 15 then, and still schooling.

She's The Only Girl in the school who's still attending class until 16.

The cousin, who hailed with him together from Kaliwungu, Kendal, adjourned to Johor where he became landlord, making and renting out houses.

When My Father was offered a piece of land in Johor by his cousin, My Father, though tempted, he had to refuse the land.
He priorotise the education of his eight children.
Ironically, as much as He valued education, I am the least schooled among the eight children.

******

Too far sighted Mr Lee Kuan Yew was then, that he saw all Singaporeans: en-mass.
I lagged behind.
Thank GOD, because of the lagging behind that I ventured out of the study world.

******

My Husband is also the product of not fitting into the local education system.
The only English-schooled Son in the Chinese educated family, His Malay language added many numbers to His aggregate, although He's an "A" student where schooling is concerned.

When all his Chinese childhood friends went to Australia, UK, US and Canada after their GCE, the only place he could venture out to further his education was, across the Causeway - to Stamford.

His Tailor Father who hailed from Kwantong (GuanDong), China, seemed resigned to fate - Whatever will be, will be.

My Husband could only console himself when he met one of his buddy, directing vehicles, trafficking himself in the middle of the busy Jalan Meldrum, JB, in his smart attire.
The good buddy was supposed to still furthering his study in UK then, but his mind just snapped.
Many years later, he was still stationing himself in the middle of Jalan Meldrum or Jalan Ah Fook, as usual, in his immaculate dressing: clean polo t-shirt, tucked neatly into his pressed slack, leather belt and clean sports shoes.

******

Did My Father conform to His Father's wish? No.
My Grandfather wanted him to attend to his many acres of land but He chose to venture into a new, alien territory.
He was back to his home-village several times or there's always money to be sent home.
I was with Him when He went back to his village to subdivide his land among his living siblings.

By then, My Grandfather had already passed away but, Mr Lee Kuan Yew is still alive.

Did the current PM, follow his father's way of how Singapore should be run? No.
I remembered when Mr Lee Hsien Loong had just become a PM,
he stressed, "... it's ok to have a bit of rubbish here and a bit there. It's ok for the shrubs to be a bit overgrown or not trimmed..."
That's not exactly his sentence, but that's roughly what's being said.

Is the current PM bring up his children as he was being brought up? Neither.

I do not turn out as what My Father expected his children to be, but yes. I wish My Children to be an observant servant to THE CREATOR and Somebody whom the society can rely on, GOD Willing.

***Thanking My Late Father And Mr Lee Kuan Yew For Their Far Sightedness That My Husband And I Are Together. 

*Life is full of irony. I'm now living not far from where My Father's cousin had wanted My Father to build a house then.

*Before my last visit to My Father's homeland a couple of years ago, I visited My Father's cousin a day before the departure.
He wept claiming how fortunate My Late Father, even after He's no more alive, His Children do return to where Their Father came from.
- Since the 2 of them left home, the cousin had never set foot again back to his hometown.

-10 minutes after I left My Father's cousin's house with his latest photographs to be shown back to his family in Kaliwungu, Kendal, Indonesia, I was called back to the house - he passed away.
Mission accomplished?

******

***Late posting as there's sudden black-out starting at 6.58pm when I was halfway doing this until 9.46pm when we were out having dinner. The  black-out  stretched 6 miles away.           

The Piercing Pain In The Art Of One Eye Closed

I woke up this morning with Leena in mind. I have to call her today. Somehow, my telepathic mind sensed something is not right.
Just then, an SMS alerted me - It's her.

Over a cup of morning coffee, we talked for more than an hour over the phone - Her husband had spilled everything. What's the next step?
Unlike other times when she was stopped from taking further action, this time, the husband wanted her to make a report of his infidelity. His wayward married life has been going on since the beginning of their 12 years together being husband and wife.
Their first honeymoon month had already being marred with a former girlfriend came into picture -Their marriage was sort of, the arranged marriage

******

A reunion for all former schoolmates were held with Hari Raya home visits to all schoolmates' houses. Firdaus's parents were immediately pleased to see Leena, a religious girl with pleasant personality, and shows high respect towards the elders.
Firdaus, tight-lipped, followed his parents' choice and Leena's widowed mother thought it's high time for her last daughter to settle down, being 25 then.

Then, incidences started to unfold itself.
Firdaus's girlfriend demanded the return of all her cash - He's been swiping credit cards and she's been footing his bills. They'd been together for 7 years then, with marriage on the card. Now, with no marriage proposal in picture, she demanded another S$10,000 to start life afresh in Australia.
It was frustrating to see Leena settled all his finances.

Not long after, when Leena brought Firdaus to court to dissolve their marriage as she found out that he's having an affair with 2 other women at the same time - she found out too that she was carrying their first child - thus the court process had to wait until after childbirth.

She had tried to talk to her mother, Mak Habsah, or her stepmother, to be exact.
To Mak Habsah, let fate takes its due course - Her life has been a struggle all along.

******

 

Habsah, a bright and intelligent lady, had wanted to be a nurse since young, but her ambition was short-lived. No single girls in her days then, were to venture out of their village in Pontian, alone, except to follow husband upon marriage. So, she spent her days in the village writing poems, stories and dramas for magazines and radio stations.

She turned down several marriage proposals with scoldings from her parents for not being filial - to follow her parents' wish in seeing her getting married.

But when she accepted this arranged proposal by a man with 8 small children who's wife had just died due to child-birth complication, she received more scoldings from not only parents, but siblings and relatives.

She was already 30 years old by then, a wise person to chart her life ahead.

The baby whose mother died after giving birth to, is Leena.

Mak Habsah has no children of her own. Her married life was only to nurse, raise, educate and married off her 8 stepchildren, almost singlehandedly, since her husband died into their 4 years of marriage. Leena was 4 years old then, and Mak Habsah's eldest stepchild was 16, about to take her O level. 

******

Leena, by now, busy with her 3 kids, has only deaf ears hearing stories of her husband's philandering lifestyle.
Firdaus, somehow, is closely attached to his children and Leena do not want the fatherly figure that she did not have, to be taken away from her children too.
Only when her children, now aged 7, 9 and 11, had started to ask questions, then she decided to pursue matters which she had longed withheld - The children were curious to know why Papa has to send his friend home, everyday, when fetching them from school.
When confronted, Firdaus admitted lying to his girlfriend, a single mother of 2 teenagers, saying that he's been separated from his wife, Leena.
To add salt to the already wounded story, he's being pressed by the girlfriend's parents for a marriage to take place the soonest possible.  

Leena had tried to talk to her parents-in-law, but, the answer was as expected. The reason why Leena was chosen as a daughter-in-law was because, she, being religious, will eventually guide Firdaus to the straight path and, infidelity does run in the family - the in-laws admitted without any guilt.

Of all women that Firdaus is having an affair with, now, is a teaching staff in his children's school...

******

Now I can understand why Jack Neo's wife chose  to close an eye  seeing his KABOOM!!! story.

***Changes were made where appropriate.