The Maid - Boyfriending @ Geylang

Nora*'s soft laughter as she talked, was to hide her blushing face.
She regretted hiding the paper that My Elder Sister was searching.
But she was ashamed to let My Sister read it.

There was a picture and story of an Indonesian maid and her boyfriend.
She felt ashamed looking at it, without even reading the paper.
She was ashamed because it involved her nationality, and it revolved around the work she is doing, being a domestic worker.

I did not know which paper and who was Nora talking about.
In My head, it was because of boyfriend issue that led Me to want her to follow Me to City Plaza.
It was not exactly because of remittance.

The second time she remitted some money, it was My Elder Sister who did it for her.
With that money, the mother had bought storage for water for Singaporeans' (???) usage, when they will be at her house soon.

******

Stories of maids had been hogging headlines lately.

27-year old Indrani arrived in Singapore last year, in March.

In July, she ran away from her employer and prostituted herself to earn money.

In October, she discovered her pregnancy without knowing who the father was.

She dug a 10cm hole to bury her newborn, his umbilical cord attached, on April 18 in Eunos Crescent in a rooftop garden.

Her baby's mouth, alive when found, was stuffed with mud and dried leaves.

The baby is now under foster care.

She was arrested near Eunos MRT Station on April 24 after overstaying here for 273 days.

She was jailed for 10 weeks and fined S$2,000 for abandoning her newborn baby.

****** ****** ******

Ruliyawati, married with a son, entered Singapore in July 2010.

A month later, Md Repon Mostafa befriended her.

Her body  was discovered on Monday morning, in a 2-meter water tank atop the 15-storey Housing Development Board block of flats in Woodlands, serving residents of  Block 686B, Woodlands Drive 73 on May 16.

The 27-year old Bangladeshi cleaner Md Repon was charged with her murder between 7:10 a.m. and 9:54 a.m.

****** ****** ******

An Indonesian domestic worker was about to finish her two-year contract.

She was asked to continue her service.

The four and two-year old toddlers she looked after, are too attached with her.

The maid laid down her term for extension.

She needs off days, which the employer agreed.

The employer received a police call at her working place to pick her maid at the police station.

Her domestic worker was caught with a Bangladeshi man at the beach not far from her house.

The employer was shown compromising and intimate photos of the maid with her boyfriend.

The maid gave the worst shock to the employer last February - Her two small kids were locked at home.

Just the two of them, to fend for themselves.

****** ****** ****** 

29-year old Anis Dwi Rianawati had told her employer that she was pregnant and would work for another two to three months before quitting.

A week later, she was missing from her bedroom at about 8am.

Her wallet, jewellery and some notes was on her bed.

It was a suicide notes.

The pregnant Indonesian maid had jumped from her employer's flat through the 18th-floor kitchen window on October 24, 2010.

Her body was found on a second-floor parapet shortly afterwards.

Her 45-year old Malaysian married boyfriend refused to stop seeing another girl in Batam. 

****** ****** ******

Another Bangladeshi worker, 35-year old Kamarul Hasan Abdul Quddus, met 25-year old Yulia Afriyanti at a social gathering in 2005.

They became intimate a year later in January 2007.

In September, she told her employers and friends that she would be marrying Kamrul in Indonesia.

But a month later, the marriage was called off as Kamrul was already married in Bangladesh with two children.

Early October, a Filipino construction worker, 25-year old Joseph Guerzon Corpuza, was given Yulia's number by his close friend, Aunt Annabelle.

He called her and they made plan to meet on Sunday, October 14.

She told him that her boyfriend had returned to Bangladesh.

Their relationship blossomed, became intimate, planned to marry but she never broke up with Kamrul.

Joseph would sometimes travel from Boon Lay to Grange Heights to meet her when she walked her employer's dog at 8 pm every night.

They had intimate relationship in November despite Yulia's fear of getting pregnant again.

Her previous pregnancy was aborted without knowing who the father was.

When Joseph saw the last of Yulia on Dec 9, she told him she and Kamrul Hasan were getting married in January.

On the evening of December 15, she called Joseph telling him she was going to Changi Airport with Kamrul to welcome his mother and brother.

He then tried to contact her many times but failed to do so.

When he finally managed to phone Yulia, a police officer answered, saying his former girlfriend was dead and that the police wanted to talk to him.

******

In mid December, upon Kamarul's return from Bangladesh, he met Yulia.

He then returned to his dormitory in Kaki Bukit but at 11.30pm, he took a bus to his worksite.

Less than eight hours later, a construction worker found Yulia's body in the cardboard box.

His fingerprints were found at the crime scene and DNA test showed they had sexual relationship within the 12 hours before she was found dead.

He was found guilty of strangling his girlfriend on December 16, 2007.

Her naked body was found at about 9.50am, in a big 1m long and 3/4m wide cardboard box in the bomb shelter of a third-storey unit at a condominium construction site in Queensway, near Holland Road, where he worked.

Police found Yulia's phone and jewellery in his Kaki Bukit dormitory locker when he was arrested on December 19.

He was sentenced to death in early January 2010.

****** ****** ******

24-year old Umi Umiroh was plagued by dreams of a crying baby in her employer's semi-detached house along Hillside Drive, a month into her job in July 2008. 

She told her friends about her dreams whom she usually met at the old age home, Ling Kwang Home in Serangoon Gardens. 

She took her employer's mother for therapy sessions twice a week.

The friends said it was the ghost of the previous maid's baby.

Kirun had confessed to them she had secretly given birth to a seven months baby girl in the toilet of her employer's house. 

She did not know what to do, so she just killed the baby, and buried her in the backyard.

While trimming grass in the garden later in theday, Umi smelled something foul. 

She related her fears to her employer of what her friends told earlier. 

A police report was made and the next day 9am, the police with four sniffer dogs, spent three hours in the garden. 

Then they digging up something buried about 15cm deep into the soil. 

Some small bones, born prematurely, wrapped with a yellow batik cloth, were recovered and analysed by the Health Science Authority.

Kirun, married with two children, was employed in June 2006, was always seen wearing loose-fitting batik dresses or oversized T-shirts.

Her main job was to take the employer's 82-year-old mother for physiotherapy sessions twice a week. 

They spent about seven hours from 8.30am to 3pm. 

Umi Umiroh arrived at Ms Goh's house on 6th June, spent two weeks with Kirun before she returned home on June 22.

Kirun, before her departure, had told Umi that she had at least two boyfriends in Singapore. 

She also told Umi about having aborted her three-month foetus, fathered by the Bangladeshi boyfriend.

Her Bangladeshi boyfriend gave her $10 each time they met.

Before she met the Bangladeshi, she was seeing a Myanmar national. 

She was able to meet them while waiting for the therapy sessions to end.

Three days before she left Singapore, she took Umi to meet her Bangladeshi boyfriend. 

He asked her to be his girlfriend after Kirun returned home.

****** 

I brought Nora to City Plaza to show her the popular hang-out for Indonesians on weekends.
It's Orchard Road's Lucky Plaza of the east. 

I wanted to show her how her folks are clothed, what some of her people are doing and behaving here - shopping, friending and boyfriending.
The partners are usually from Bangladesh.

But last Saturday afternoon, there were none to show her.
City Plaza was a desert, not a single maid's soul.
(to be continued)

President? George Yeo Yong-Boon

Papers had reported 15 representatives of former Foreign Minister George Yeo, between the age of 16 and 41, were at the Elections Department at about 1pm yesterday, to collect forms for a certificate of eligibility for him to contest the Presidential Elections. 

The supporters said they are hopeful Mr Yeo will run for the Presidential Election.
The youths are very comfortable with Mr Yeo's brand of leadership as he has devoted a considerable amount of time interacting with young people.
He had often speak and listen to them in informal groups and organised dialogues.  
Thus, they believe Mr Yeo is the type of leader the younger generation will rally around, since he had made an earlier promise to engage the younger generation. 

The promise had made him more appealing to them, and these youths really wish for a free-spirited Mr President who will be able to communicate openly and very open to new ideas when meeting new people, from all walks of life. 
Mr Yeo is known to have attended and supports many youth driven community projects and events.
He is said to be "energised" by the younger generation and "constantly learns from them". 

Mr Yeo is known to be close to the people on the ground, the very most important essence to these youths, someone who is able to have a sense of the people.

A 36-year-old Lien We King said he received a phone call from Mr Yeo on Sunday evening, asking him to help collect the forms on his behalf.

Mr Yeo had left for Taiwan yesterday morning, to offer his gratitude and thanks in person to the Tzu Chi Stem Cell Center for saving the life of his leukemia patient son. 
The stem cell centre had given his son a bone marrow transplant.

He is expected to return to Singapore in 10 days time. 
The forms will then be passed on to him. 

****** 

Mr Yeo was the first Singaporean Minister to start blogging, and he had blogged since August 2006
.
He then moved on to Facebook and is one of the most active Singaporean politician on it, with over 85,000 friends and supporters. 

On Sunday, on his Facebook page, Mr Yeo wrote,
'In case the presidential election writ is issued while I'm away, some young friends will collect the eligibility forms for me.
'It is a big decision which I hope to make two weeks from now after taking in views n advice from many people. I ask for your patience n understanding.'

Mr Yeo had earlier ruled himself out as a presidential candidate, despite numerous calls for him to run after he lost his seat in Parliament in the recent General Election.
His People's Action Party (PAP) team was defeated by the Workers' Party in Aljunied GRC.

After 23-years in politics, and following his intended exit, Mr George Yeo finally spoke the unspoken that there is a deep resentment among Singaporeans towards the ruling party.
He called on the PAP to listen harder, and to take into account people’s unease over the pace of change driven by globalisation.

Mr George Yeo is considered one of the more liberal-minded ministers in the PAP.
He feedbacked the ground sentiments to PM Lee that not just the question about policies, not just the minds, but the hearts needed address too.

Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong then frankly apologise publicly for the regime’s mistakes during a lunchtime rally at UOB.

******

Earlier, when asked about running for president, Mr Yeo told a press conference on May 10 that he did not think he was 'temperamentally suited for such a job' as he considered himself 'a free spirit'.

However, he sparked off online discussion after announcing on Wednesday, June 1, that he was 'thinking hard' about reconsidering running for President.

His just two short lines posted,  
'Many Singaporeans from different walks of life, young and old, have asked me to reconsider my decision on the Presidency, some impassionately,' he wrote.

About reconsidering running for President, 'Thinking hard about it and praying for wisdom.' 

******

If Mr Yeo does contest in the Presidential Election, he would be the second candidate from the PAP to do so.

His Facebook post had attracted more than 2,000 'likes' and more than 700 comments from netizens, most of whom supported him being a candidate in the upcoming presidential election.
He is set to be the more popular choice for President.

His experience in different ministries will be useful in carrying out presidential duties, since he had established diplomatic foreign relationships with important politicians of other countries.

Mr Yeo was part of the People's Action Party (PAP) team which contested in the recent May 7 General Election.
PAP team lost the Aljunied GRC constituency to The Workers’ Party team, with 54.71% of the votes.

In the recent General Elections, many voters has shown unhappiness with the ruling party, but this negative sentiment does not seem to extend to Mr Yeo.
The former Foreign Minister is still very popular and many have lamented that he is a victim of the Group Representative Constituency (GRC) Scheme.

In a twist of an event, now, Mr George Yeo Yong-Boon has a very definite advantage of he running for President. 

The first person to contest in the presidential Election is the former MP Tan Cheng Bock. 
Unlike Mr George Yeo who is still a member of the ruling party's central executive committee, Dr Tan has since resigned from the PAP. 

****** ****** ****** 

George Yeo: A Man Of All Season  

As Singapore’s Foreign Minister of nearly seven years, Mr George Yeo will leave a legacy of strategic thinking, cultural diplomacy and friendship, writes Professor Tommy Koh

ONE of my hopes for the 2011 General Elections was that those who won would be magnanimous and those who lost would be gracious.
Foreign Minister George Yeo was gracious in defeat. In his concession speech, he congratulated Mr Low Thia Khiang and his Workers’ Party team on their victory and wished them success. Of the other defeated candidates, only Mr Desmond Choo of the People’s Action Party and Ms Nicole Seah of the National Solidarity Party were just as gracious.
A man’s character can be gleaned from his conduct, both in victory and in defeat. Mr Yeo is a gentleman and an honourable man, whatever the conditions.
I have had the pleasure of working under his leadership in three of his ministerial portfolios. He was our first minister of the then Ministry of Information and the Arts, or Mita. During nine years at Mita, he changed Singapore from a so-called cultural desert to a cultural oasis.
He appointed Mr Tan Chin Nam chairman of the newly created National Library Board-and Mr Tan, together with Mr Christopher Chia, revolutionised our library system and made it one of the best in the world. Mr Yeo also appointed Mr Lim Chee Onn chairman of the National Heritage Board, and me, chairman of the National Arts Council.
It was under his leadership that the Esplanade was built, the Asian Civilisations Museum was envisioned, the Arts Festival was made an annual event, the LaSalle College of the Arts took off, and the Government agreed, for the first time, to subsidise arts education. Today, Singaporeans enjoy a rich and varied cultural life. They should not forget the person who planted the seeds that have blossomed.
Mr Yeo brought the same energy, imagination and enthusiasm to the Ministry of Trade and Industry. He realised that because trade is Singapore’s life blood, it should play a proactive leadership role in global trade forums like the World Trade Organisation (WTO). He quickly won the admiration and trust of his peers. They asked him to chair the negotiations on agriculture, one of the most contentious issues. WTO director-general Pascal Lamy is an admirer of Mr Yeo.
In order to enlarge Singapore’s economic space, Mr Yeo championed the idea of linking Singapore’s economy with other economies by way of free trade agreements (FTAs) and comprehensive economic partnership (CEP) agreements. During his watch, he launched more than a dozen FTA and CEP negotiations.
He appointed me chief negotiator in our negotiations with the United States. During the journey of two years, we encountered many difficulties. Throughout, Mr Yeo remained calm, optimistic and creative. He worked relentlessly with the different stakeholders in the US to earn their support and to find acceptable solutions to the difficulties. In the final stage of the negotiations, there was a shortlist of issues that the two chief negotiators could not resolve. Those issues were finally resolved by Mr Yeo and his American counterpart, Mr Robert Zoellick, in a marathon negotiating session that extended through the night without dinner and ended successfully at dawn. Members of the Singapore delegation were deeply impressed by the cool and masterly way in which Mr Yeo had negotiated with Mr Zoellick.
Mr Yeo has been Singapore’s Foreign Minister for nearly seven years now. He inherited a ministry in good order as a result of the legacy of Mr S. Rajaratnam, Mr S. Dhanabalan, Mr Wong Kan Seng and Professor S. Jayakumar. What contributions did Mr Yeo make to that heritage? I would single out three.
First, he taught us to think strategically and to prioritise. He constantly asked his staff to ensure that our most important bilateral relationships were in excellent order. He scanned the horizon for new opportunities - such as in the Middle East and Latin America.
Second, he was the first foreign minister to use history and culture as instruments of diplomacy. He persuaded the Chinese Chamber of Commerce to restore the Sun Yat Sen Villa and to turn it into a historic site linking Singapore, China and Taiwan. He requested that the National Heritage Board restore the memorial to Subhas Chandra Bose, who is celebrated in India as a nationalist and independence fighter. It was due to the leadership of Mr Yeo, a Roman Catholic, and of former Indian president Abdul Kalam, a Muslim, that the ancient Buddhist university at Nalanda, Bihar is being reincarnated.
Third, Mr Yeo believes in the importance of friendship in diplomacy. He often invited his foreign guests to his home to have dinner with him and his family. He went out of his way to show warmth and friendship to his foreign interlocutors. When Tan Sri Syed Hamid Albar was Malaysia’s foreign minister, Mr Yeo visited him in his constituency in Malaysia to pay his respects during Hari Raya.
Mr Yeo is blessed with high IQ, EQ and CQ - cultural intelligence. He is an exceptionally gifted man. Although an engineer by training and a soldier by profession, he is also a philosopher and historian. Although a devout Roman Catholic, he is a champion of inter-faith dialogue and understanding. Mr George Yeo is ideally qualified to play a leadership role on the global stage, and I sincerely hope he will do so.

The writer is special adviser to the Institute of Policy Studies at the National University of Singapore.

Source: News Today - May 11, 2011

The Maid - Her Right? Of Having Male Friend (2)

31-year old Ruliyawati was flown directly to Semarang, Central Java with a Lion Air flight Y 864 at 10:35 a.m. local time.
It arrived in Semarang at 11:40 a.m. today Friday morning.

Her body  was discovered on Monday morning, in a water tank serving residents of  Block 686B, Woodlands Drive 73, in one of the eight, 2-meter-deep water tank in the building atop the 15-storey Housing Development Board block of flats in Woodlands.
She had been working there, for an employer identified only as Wang, on the sixth floor.

From Kendal, Central Java, Ruliyawati was reported to have entered Singapore in July 2010, finding work through Indonesian placement agency, PT Dafa Putra Jaya.

MigrantCARE, an NGO focusing on migrant worker issues has called on the Indonesian government to immediately take charge of the legal proceedings pertaining to the alleged murder of Ruliyawati.

She was married and had a four-year-old son in Indonesia.

Bangladeshi cleaner, 27-year old Md Repon Mostafa, was charged with her murder between 7:10 a.m. and 9:54 a.m.

The case is still being investigates by the local authorities.
The police was informed at about 10 a.m., believed to have been placed by a colleague of the suspect, an employee of Sergent Services Pte. Ltd., which offers conservancy services.

The suspect killer may have had access to the roof as part of his job as a maintenance worker.
He was limping and had cuts on his legs when he was led away by the police at 10.40am.
He was remanded for investigation at the Singapore Central Police Division for a week.
If convicted, he would face the death penalty.

******

Ruliyawati was described as petite and attractive.
Her family's financial problems forced her to come to Singapore, leaving behind her child.

Both migrant workers met just a month after she started work here in August last year.

It was almost a near-daily routine for Ruliyawati to go to the minimart for newspapers or canned food for her employers while her man and his friends would buy groceries or newspapers from the minimart in the evening.

They can be seen chatting at the void deck of Block 686B, or having a heated argument.
The couple often quarreled at the void deck and in secluded stairwells at the block, and these tiffs revolved around Ruliyawati's family.

But on the Monday morning, stormy relationship ended for good when the Bangladeshi cleaner placed the Indonesian maid's body in one of eight rooftop water tanks.

******

Some residents of Block 686B, called the Sembawang Town Council to complain of slightly yellowish and unnaturally foamy water when they turned on their taps on Monday morning.
Instead, their water supply was cut off at 11am, citing 'maintenance work' was being done.

Some assumed that the water pipes were malfunctioning.
It was only later in the day that the horrifying news spread that an Indonesian maid working there had been found dead in one of eight water tanks atop the 15-storey block.

One resident reported seeing bloodstains in the lift and blood droplets at the lift landing.

The stories circulated quickly and residents rushed to the foot of the block to draw water from the washing area at the void deck.
168 households may have had their drinking water supply affected by the housemaid's body.
Residents were seen queuing up with pails and pots to draw water from the washing area.
Some residents were upset that they had been using water not knowing it may have been contaminated.

The PUB received a report of the incident at 3.30pm.
Water supply was immediately stopped.
Water bags were hand out to residents and water supply restored after the town council flushing and washing the tanks and distribution pipes.

Police received a call informing them of the dead body at 10am.
The Indonesian domestic helper was pronounced dead at 1pm.

Some residents recalled hearing screams and a couple arguing loudly in the morning at 7am.
No police report was made as it was thought to be just a domestic tiff.
Some residents witnessed a man and woman arguing with each other on Monday morning.
The man was seen choking the woman.

****** ****** ******

Singapore's High Court sentenced to death in early January 2010, 35-year old Kamarul Hasan Abdul Quddus, a Bangladeshi worker involved in a love triangle with an Indonesian maid, 25-year old Yulia Afriyanti, more than two years earlier.

Kamarul Hasan was found guilty of strangling his girlfriend Yulia, on December 16, 2007.
Her time of death was estimated to be about 4.16am that day.

But the Bangladeshi construction worker claimed she was dead when he found her.
He claimed he was asleep in his dormitory the night she was murdered.

During the 15-day-trial, Kamrul has stuck to his story that he had last seen Yulia on the evening of December 15, 2007 near her employer's house in Grange Road, got into intimate relationship at a nearby park, then left at 9pm.

They planned to meet again nine hours later at his worksite at the Viz@Holland condominium, and had inadvertently taken her phone back with him when they parted at 9pm.
He stayed in the dorm until about 4am to meet her again.

He had gone to meet her at his worksite earlier, as she had complained that a man he knew as Joseph was trying to force her to go to the airport and a hotel that night.

He took a taxi there, and claimed he found her naked body stuffed in a cardboard box in a storeroom of a third-floor unit.
He said he was so frightened that he kept mum about his grisly find.

******

An ez-link card found on Kamarul had been used for a trip from Kaki Bukit to Queensway at about midnight.

Phone records showed that between 1.45am and 2.10am, there were text messages between Kamarul and Yulia, five missed calls from him and one successful call.

DNA evidence revealed that he had  sexual relationship with the 25-year-old Indonesian maid within the 12 hours before she was found dead at the condominium worksite in Queensway where he worked.

Police found Yulia's phone and jewellery in his Kaki Bukit dormitory locker when he was arrested on December 19.

He claimed the watch and jewellery which had Yulia's DNA on these items, found  in his locker were not hers, but items he had bought for his wife back home.

But Yulia's employer testified that she had bought the watch and used it before giving it to her maid.

The employer and some of the 69 witnesses had also testified that Ms Yulia told them she and Kamrul would be welcoming his mother and a younger sibling at the airport on the day she was found dead.

Yulia's body was found by a construction worker Md Avir Ramijuddinmiah at about 9.50am on 16 Dec 2007.
He informed his supervisor, who then alerted the project's main contractor.

Her naked body was found in a big 1m long and 3/4m wide cardboard box in the bomb shelter of a third-storey unit at a condominium construction site in Queensway, near Holland Road, where Kamarul Hasan had worked.
She is alleged to have died at the hands of her lover in a crime of passion.

******

Kamrul met Yulia at a social gathering, introduced by a mutual friend in 2005.
They became intimate a year later in January 2007, and would meet once or twice a month.

In September the same year, she told her employers and friends that she was returning to Indonesia and would be marrying Kamrul there.

But a month later, the marriage was called off.

Yulia confided in her employers that Kamrul was already married in Bangladesh with two children.

At the same time, Kamrul was back in Bangladesh in September and October 2007.

In mid December, Yulia met Kamrul while taking the dog for its evening walk from a residence in Grange Road.
He then returned to his dormitory in Kaki Bukit but at 11.30pm, he took a bus to his worksite.

Less than eight hours later, a construction worker found Yulia's body in the cardboard box.

His (Kamarul) fingerprints were found at the crime scene and DNA test showed they had sexual relationship before her death.
The evidence thus proved that the accused strangled the deceased.

******

 
Yulia's number was given to the above, 25-year old Joseph Guerzon Corpuza, a Filipino construction worker here, in early October 2007.
Aunt Annabelle, a close friend of his, introduced the couple.

He called her on that very day and they made plans to meet on her day off on Sunday, October 14.

They spent the afternoon at the East Coast Park before window shopping at City Plaza.
He then took her to her employer's house at Grange Heights.
She told him that she had a boyfriend but had returned to Bangladesh.

Their relationship blossomed.
They too became intimate, planned to marry but she never broke up with Kamrul.
They continued their frequent and intimate telephone conversations.

Beside Sundays' meetings, he would sometimes travel from Boon Lay to Grange Heights to meet her when she walked her employer's dog at the condominium at 8 pm every night.

They had sexual relationship in November despite Yulia's fear of getting pregnant again.
The pregnancy was aborted.
He was not informed who the father was.
It was on one of those Sunday meeting when Yulia asked Joseph to answer her phone from Kamrul.
Kamarul had planned to marry Yulia.

The last time Joseph saw Yulia alive was on Dec 9, 2007, and it was then that she told him she was still deeply in love with her former boyfriend Kamrul Hasan, and that they were getting married in January.

Yulia was in a love triangle with Kamrul and Joseph, before she finally decided on Kamarul.

She offered to return the handphone Joseph had given her but he declined as he wanted to keep in touch with her and try to win her over.
Joseph was heartbroken despite telling Yulia to take care of herself when on the evening of December 15, when she called to tell him she was going to Changi Airport with Kamrul to welcome his mother and brother.

Although Kamarul told the court that Yulia had called him to complain that Joseph was allegedly forcing her to have a relationship, Joseph did not even know the location of the condominium.
He was at home on the day the crime was committed.

He tried to contact her many times but failed to do so.
In court, Joseph identified the phone he had given to her.

When he managed to phone Yulia a few days after Yulia talk of her marriage plan to Kamarul, a police officer answered, saying his former girlfriend was dead and that the police wanted to talk to him.

Finding A Suitor - Should I? Should I Not?

A mother in China uploaded a video of her 26-year old daughter walking out of a shower with intention to find prospective boyfriends for her.

When asked about her requirements for a boyfriend, the daughter replies:

“I’m all right, as long as (he) is nice to you (the mother) and nice to me. That’s enough.’’

******

I was at My Sister's place yesterday, when She popped a question of any suitable suitor for a 30-year old secondary school teacher.

The mother is worried as the teacher, the eldest in the family, will be left on the shelf.
Most cousins of hers around her age, are already with toddlers.
I had just met her less than a week ago in Simei.
Her demure nature and politeness, paled my existence.
All I can say, she has a very big heart, accepting things as they come.

She is the backbone of the family as the father is sick.
She shoulder the responsibility as a breadwinner and a big sister to another five siblings.
Unlike her other sisters, she has almost no social life, given the heavy responsibility on her shoulders.
She knew she has to set good example to her siblings.
Her life revolves around school and family.

Not that she has had no suitor, but unfortunately, they (I knew some of them), appeared less than satisfactory, not 'marriage material'.
She just needs a balanced practicing man.

Her sister, the second in the family, is about to get engaged.
The mother is trying hard to ask her second daughter, a teacher too, to hold on to the engagement date.

******

Should I, or should I not give a word or two?
She, a U grad, and myself, a graduate of u-never-study school, met My Husband not long after My 'O' Level, them married Him, because His character is almost like My Late Father whom I highly look upon, despite the difference in race and nationality.

There was no pre-marriage class to attend then, and soon, I had packed up to stay in a foreign place that gave My Parents headache with many up north husbands left wives, children and families upon expiring working contract in Singapore.
Maybe it's the reason that I gave others enough headache and heartache, that I have no regret to the chosen path as I have little (GOD willing) headache and heartache, myself.

******

There was once when I was entangled in a group of about six U grads, discussing of what to do with one of the members' marriage, on the verge of breakdown - Three of them were single parents.
I tried to reason, marriage solution is unlike solving Maths, where there must be an answer to every problem.
Proving right or wrong can be crucial - Just compromise and play along the line.
Some strings need to be pulled and some, we can pretend it does not exist at all.

Most men (not all) are known mess makers.
It already helps a lot when they do not mess around the house.
And it is a bonus if they give a helping hand.
Some men do not see the reason why they need to help out at home.
And some working wives I know, have to prepare food once she return home, beside attending to the children's needs.
It is most frustrating when their husbands left the dining table after meals, without helping out with the dirty plates.

But these logic women's minds group together, they want comrades in marriage.
In partnership, roles need to be executed, to be equally shared. 
Learning and understanding married life is not through one's experience and flexibility, but books and seminars.
Black is black and white is white.
No grey area for that matter.
Maybe I'm shallow in my thinking, just drifting along where the wind blows.

All I can do at that time, was looking at their innocent kids faces at play, oblivion to their mothers' conversations.
The 7-year marriage, despite best minds put together, sadly fall apart.
From then on, I was usually hesitant to answer when asked by the educated about advise on staying married.

For me, not highly educated is a sore point too, much as being highly educated.

******

While these girls work on their personal goals, many of them had lower their standards for the sake of avoiding lifelong loneliness.
And a startling number are paving their way to spinsterhood.

My Sister's friend, an ex-secondary school teacher with handsome gratuity payment said, she wish not being single all her life.
But of course, she would not cheapened herself stooping so low in finding a husband.

One of her friend, an active personality in education, married a man I knew since childhood, who was only village-schooled.

The man's father favoured the older son, being more intelligent and good looking.

While the older brother attended school, the man had to hawk around the village, selling noodle, "mee rebus", which I used to buy.

While the older brother enjoying his youth, the man had to find money to put his only brother and two sisters in school. 

While the older brother get to choose his bride, the man's bride was match-made.

While the older brother lives in flat, the man lives in condo, with his very educated, active wife and grownup children.

All these, despite the village-schooled man, to my knowledge, now is just an ordinary worker with the Ministry of Environment.

******

Who do not want to be part of the “wedding club”?
My Sister's friend asked us cautiously.

When she saw her siblings' children are now with their own children, of course, her feeling was pressurised.
"For whatever outcome, better or worse, getting married and wanting to be in the marriage circle is in everybody's mind," she said.
The built-in intense desire is always there, at the back of everybody's mind.
But for suitable suitors came knocking, the availability left to be wondered -  
“Where are they, decent suitors?”

Are men still maintaining traditional ideas as the best type of wife suited to them are just like their mothers were?
Are all men looking for the same ideal type of comforting, shy, obedient and submissive wives? 
The lack of noteworthy male suitors, put some aspiring wives to frustration.

Some girls wondered, if indeed, their degrees and careers are getting in the way of meeting Mr Right?
Are they being penalised for being too educated and successful in getting into good paid jobs?
Not that they shun marriage, but they were kept busy working on their education, then career took off.

That is usually when parents realised, their children are no more small kids.

They are at the age when these parents, at their children's age, the hands were full with raising kids and families' commitment.

******

With the current circumstances at hand, My Sister's friend is being realistic - She cannot have all the cake and enjoy it herself.
All her younger life was focused on upgrading herself for betterment in her job that she had little time to meet people.
Now, she is staying in a private housing, travelled the world, spent most Ramadhans in the holy lands and used to drive expensive cars.
But since she opted early retirement due to work fatigue, she enjoys the public transport more, although she still maintains her lifestyle.

******

I have a friend, when in her early 30s, she married a wheel-chaired man, almost ten years her junior.

Another friend, she only met her husband on their marriage solemnisation day , although they had known each other for two-years through chatting online.

The husband is a university lecturer in one of the African country.

Despite his profession, their several marriage request was turned down by the Singapore government, but they went ahead with the marriage.

She stayed back in Singapore with her kid while he continues teaching.

It's a relief to know their marriage sailed smoothly, and they never give up requesting for the man's stay in Singapore.

I have known a number of girls marrying Turkish men had their husbands become Singaporeans.

******

Education and marriage are not necessarily conflicting, although both are time consuming.
Both education and marriage can flourish simultaneously, although much sacrifices are needed.
If self can be tuned to us, with the right spouse, both can continue.
Cherish The Idea.

The longer marriage is delayed in favour of education, the ticking biological time bomb is wasting away.
The bringing up of children requires great physical energy and providing them with sound education requires great finance, translating to the breadwinners' good health in bringing home the dough.
Give It A Second Thought.

Can the self, the segregated you and I becomes us?
The Family?
Can the material chase be reduced to having a decent flat to stay and having food on the table?

Room for potentiality growth is big and room for material collection is enormous.

When both husband and wife accept and respect one another’s ambitions and priorities in life, marriage is not about putting a shackle on one person, nor a prison on another...

******

"And among HIS Signs is This, 

that HE Created for you, 

mates from among yourselves, 

that you may dwell in tranquility with them, 

and HE has put love and mercy between your hearts. 

Verily in that are Signs for those who reflect." 

- Surah Ar Rum: 21.

******

Read: 'I Would Have Given Up My Career To Save My Marriage' - Madeleine Albright

Of Sean, Sam And Petom's Soul

Sean Penn made me watching Sam Dawson in him, when I jolly well knew that myself is not any movie fan.
But few nights ago, over HBO, I saw Sam in Sean and I saw Petom in Sam.

'I Am Sam' is, to me, a good but narrative and insipid Hollywood movie that touches a mental condition that most people would usually not giving a second thought to it.
'I Am Sam' is about Sam Dawson whose normal daughter, Lucy Diamond (Dakota Fanning) is taken away by the court.
Sam, a mentally retarded man with the mental capacity of a 7-year-old, fights for custody of his 7 year old daughter, Lucy Diamond, named after one of the Beatles song, as he is obsessed with the group.

Lucy's mother is a homeless woman whom Sam had a fling with, who abandons him and their daughter as they leave the hospital.

******

Sam works at a Starbucks but as Lucy coming to the age of seven, she intentionally hold back to avoid looking smarter than her father as Sam's limitations start to become a problem at her school.

The court intervened as it do not advocate severely developmentally challenged folks becoming parents, as the situation can lead to child's unbecoming future.
The authorities take Lucy away.

They had Lucy's best interests in mind, without realising they are doing a despicable act on Sam.
Lucy, while being observed, said to Sam, "I want no other daddy but you."

Then, she turns to the glass and shouts, "Did you hear that? I said I didn't want any other daddy but him. Why don't you write that down?"

When the court asks her, she said, "All you need is love."

Along the custody process, Sam shames his selfish high-priced lawyer Rita Harrison (Michelle Pfeiffer), into taking his case pro bono.
Along the custody process too, Sam teaches cold-hearted lawyer Rita, about family value.
Lucy, amidst her father's disability, is a happy child but Rita, with all her success and wealth, brings up a miserable, lonely son.
Rita and her husband had both fail as a parent.

In the process, Rita learns a great deal about family love, and with the help of Rita, Sam finally gets Lucy back with an arrangement that Lucy's foster mother, Randy Carpenter (Laura Dern), who Lucy lived with, during the trial period, help to raise her.

******

'I Am Sam', a 2001 American drama film, written and directed by Jessie Nelson and Kristine Johnson, and Petom, stuck in her real-life drama, way back before 2001 and way back before I even knew her - her not reel-drama being written and directed by the society at large.

Sam, a man with a developmental disability, lived in Los Angeles, worked at Starbucks, and the sole guardian of his six-year-old intelligent daughter Lucy, after her mother abandoned them.
Cruel as it was, while in preparation for a custody case, Lucy was taken away from Sam by a social worker who turned up at her seventh birthday party, allowing Sam two supervised visits per week.

Petom, with the same mental of Sam, was at home all her life, had never work, so she can be easily lured and worked on by men, old men, very old men, who were always on the pretext of leaving early for the morning prayers.

Whenever Petom was seen holding or bringing back her favourite breakfast, a packet of 50sen nasi lemak in mid-morning, almost all the villagers will knew that very soon, the village midwife will be kept busy, will often visiting her house as Petom will be indoor at all time.

During these time, all the men, old men, very old men, as if by co-incidence, did not easily lure her with the 50sen breakfast, until she delivered one of their many children.

Petom delivered these men's children to the world, without ever holding and nurturing them.

Yes, Petom is the mother of many (?)  children.
These babies would soon be 'given away' by those who assumed she was always in oblivion state when in fact, she knew and could relate happily to me well, how it was having babies kicking inside her and what was it like when in labour.

While Petom had been a mother many (?) times over, her mental dysfunction robbed her of even a whirl parenthood.
As she said, she understood herself well, but even normal people, like her parents, do not bring up normal children.
Some normal parents just happen to have children, just like her.
She claimed, normal people can be bad parents too.

As she said, should there be parenting courses for people like her, she would be more than willing to attend classes, so as to be able to shower her eternal motherly love to her many (?) children.

******

I see her well reasoning in wanting, if possible, to raise her own kids, is not a passe statement.
It will be voiced again and again, by people like her, with some form of mental disability.
Her yearning heart was not voiced then, to her surroundings.
Even when she did, those people who assumed are having the best mind among the best, 'fit to think', will think, and will take action, on her behalf.

I had acquainted Petom from a distance, always through a third party, who will think, will judge, and took action, on her behalf.
Myself then, had always wanted to be part of the 'sane society', too.

******

When Sam's high-powered lawyer Rita fought for his right, Petom had her right violated, with no understanding and motherly support from other mothers.

Unlike Lucy's mother who chose to abandon her and her father, Petom had never choose to abandon her children and her men, but all her heartless evil men were all not ashamed of the absent responsibilities they all share, towards her, her children, and their children.
It was the society that chose to determine Petom's children's welfare and future.

Petom, like Sam, with all their limitations, were well-adjusted, at times.
So, she knew by face and by name, who the men were with him, and their houses, and their families.
Who had her the most, and who were with her, the least.

******

Sam was blessed with his supportive group of friends with the same mental disabilities.
He was able to provide a conducive environment in caring for Lucy, who soon surpasses his mental ability, with the help of his kind neighbour too.

Petom had kind neighbours too, who often saw, amidst the early morning darkness, who the men, old men, very old men were, who often mentioned the 50sen nasi lemak near her room - but they chose to blame Petom solely for all the babies that she bore and gave birth to.
'Her kind neighbours' chose not to blame the men, old men, very old men out of not wanting to cause rift of neighbourly relationships.
Petom's parents were at their wits end for having bias neighbours.

******

For having bestowed with maternal instinct, come Mondays, Petom would stationed herself at the nearby government polyclinic as she knew come Mondays, mothers would bring their babies and toddlers for checkups and appointments.
She would stand by at the gate, befriending unsuspecting mothers with babies, and would eagerly volunteered to carry them into the clinic, just for the sake of getting close to 'her own babies which she never get the chance to even hold them'.

She was always already at the clinic whenever I had my appointments, all ready, preparing to hold babies, anybody's babies, for that matter, and I was once one of the unsuspecting mothers too.
Although reluctant, I gave in to her, as she gazed with pleading eyes.
At once, her maternal love radiates a warm glow that was never before seen and felt.

But it was short lived, as a nurse grabbed my baby from her as she was happily relating her experience of having babies.
The nurse scolded and shooed her away, warning her of never to come in close contact with babies again, fearing of her kidnapping them.

Petom left the clinic crying her heart out, just like Sam, whom at the trial, broke down after opposing counsel convinced him that he is not capable of being a father.

******

Lucy had her friends teasing her for having a 'retard' as a father, and she becomes too embarrassed to accept that she is more intellectually advanced than her father, Sam.
And Petom's parents were too embarrassed with the society, especially the villagers, even as how wrong the villagers might be.

Never in the parents' wildest dream that they have had a daughter like Petom, or a son like Seman, whom some of the men, old men, very old men, who befriended Seman's sister, taught and passed their 'skills' to Seman.

So, Seman could be found coming out from the house wearing baju kurung, very early before dawn, on the pretext of leaving early for morning prayers, but hid himself among bushes, 'exposing' himself to unsuspecting passers-by.

Petom and Seman's parents, did have a 'normal' married daughter, whom after their marriage, as it was known, the husband, and not the wife, who took the daily planning pills.

******

Unlike helping Sam's parental rights, had helped lawyer Rita herself, with her family problems and repairing her relationship with her son, but Petom's life revolved around the village, the villagers and the society, who, altogether, had prejudge her with their undisputed judgment - she is, until today, a village menace who needs no sympathy, and her presence is best ignored, by those neighbours who had used her,
by families of neighbours who had abused her,
and by neighbours who knew of neighbours who had exploited her mental develpoment disability.

Through 'I Am Sam', I am able to have a better understanding of Petom - she knew what she had wanted all along: Seeing her children.
But what she needed: Holding them, was not even met.

Such a wisdom taken by the 'sane society',
the wisdom that is still existing until today.  

'I Am Sam' offered me a unique twists of reel-life 'sane society' versus all the real-life mental disabilities saga.

Should I be able to turn back the clock...
If I could, I surely would be trying.

But I had just recently found out,
Petom had just recently passed away. 






.

Love's Not Only In The Air, It's Underground, Too

 

Love Can Ease Pain,  Say Brain Researchers

Researchers believe love can act as a painkiller

Love hurts, at least according to many a romantic songwriter, but it may also help ease pain, US scientists suggest.

Brain scans suggest many of the areas normally involved in pain response are also activated by amorous thoughts.
Stanford University researchers gave 15 students mild doses of pain, while checking if they were distracted by gazing at photos of their beloved.
The study focused on people early in a romance, journal PLoS One reported, so the "drug of love" may wear off.
The scientists who carried out the experiment used "functional magnetic resonance imaging" (fMRI) to measure activity in real-time in different parts of the brain.

It has been known for some time that strong feelings of love are linked to intense activity in several different brain regions.

These include areas linked to the brain chemical dopamine, which produces the brain's feel-good state following certain stimulants - from eating sweets to taking cocaine.
"Light up" The Stanford University researchers had noticed that when we feel pain, some of the same areas "light up" on the scans - and wondered whether one might affect the other.
They recruited a dozen students who were all in the first nine months of a relationship, defined as "the first phase of intense love".

Each was asked to bring in a picture of the object of their affection and photos of what they deemed an equally attractive acquaintance.

While their brains were scanned, they were shown these pictures, while a computer controlled heat pad placed in the palm of their hand was set up to cause them mild pain.

They found that viewing the picture of their beloved reduced perceptions of pain much more than looking at the image of the acquaintance.
Dr Jarred Younger, one of the researchers involved, said that the "love-induced analgesia" appeared to involve more primitive functions of the brain, working in a similar way to opioid painkillers.
"One of the key sites is the nucleus accumbens, a key reward addiction centre for opioids, cocaine and other drugs of abuse.
"The region tells the brain that you really need to keep doing this."
Professor Paul Gilbert, a neuropsychologist from the University of Derby, said that the relationship between emotional states and the perception of pain was clear.
He said: "One example is a footballer who has suffered quite a painful injury, but who is able to continue playing because of his emotionally charged state."
He added that while the effect noticed by the Stanford researchers might only be short-lived in the early stages of a love affair, it may well be replaced by something similar later in a relationship, with a sense of comfort and wellbeing generating the release of endorphins.
"It's important to recognise that people who feel alone and depressed may have very low pain thresholds, whereas the reverse can be true for people who feel secure and cared for.
"This may well be an issue for the health service, as patients are sometimes rushed through the system, and perhaps there isn't this focus on caring that might have existed once."

******

The rescue operation of 33 ordinary men whose extraordinary survival story had riveted the world.

Trapped beneath the Chilean earth, the operation unfolded before a hopeful, transfixed eyes, ears and hearts.
The men who survived 69 days trapped underground after the mine collapse were making history as they - and their private lives - tumbled out into the light. 

For the many of them, their love life unfold for all the world to see. 
For them, some of them, the temporarily forgotten and lost love must be search and found. Their feelings of loving the loved ones is the painkiller that healed their separation time. 
The hurt feelings being trapped in the mine were healed by the new-found lost love feelings. 

 

*For 31-year old cameraman Florencio Avalos who was chosen to be the first miner to be rescued, he stepped out of the rescue capsule, hugged by his wife and tearful children as celebrations began.

*The intense feeling of love, auto mechanic, 34-year old Victor Zamora has, for his dear wife, has led him to send up poems to his heavily pregnant Mrs.

*Some of the miners who were rescued from the depths of the San José de Copiapó mine said they plan on making some changes to their lives.
With overwhelmed gratitude, the father of three sons, 30-year old Osman Araya vowed never to leave his family again.
He will fight to the end to be with them.

*Youngest miner 19-year old Jimmy Sanchez, 34-year old Claudio Yanez and 44-year old  Claudio Acuna,  all propose to their girls realising moments with them need to be cherished too.
Life is very unpredictable and death is inevitable.
They have cheated death once.
Is there the second time?

*After years spent mostly away labouring underground, a new feeling of appreciating his wife was expressed by the oldest miner, 63-year old Mario Gomez.
There's more love found while underground.
He surprised his wife with a promised proper Church wedding to his wife Lilianett Ramirez in his heartfelt correspondence, the first letter he had ever written - not even before they were married - to her after 30-years of marriage, with four daughters and seven grandchildren.
His love letter obviously will work as the couple are to marry November 7, his 64th birthday.

*Father of three, 44-year old Esteban Rojas, proposed a white gown church wedding to Jessica Yanez, which she had always wanted - "Once and for all" in a message to the woman he married in a civil ceremony 25 years ago.

A Greek mining company has invited to all those rescued and their spouses, an all-expenses-paid trip to Greek's islands.
There are other invitation too, to visit Germany, France and Spain.

*The miner with the biggest heart - to share his love with - is 50-year old Yonni Barrios.
His rescue was among the most anticipated when his secret love affair surfaced.
He had asked both women in his life to welcome him, but his wife of 28-years declined the invitation.
For the miners, freedom means a whole new very public life.
Open for the world to see as the world welcome them.

*54-year old shift foreman Luis Urzua was the last miner hoisted to freedom.
He is credited with helping the men survive by enforcing tight rations of their limited food, lights and other supplies.

"I congratulate you because you did your duty, leaving last like a ship's captain," Chilean President Sebastian Pinera said to him.
He is the man who held the group together when they were feared lost during the first 17 days, before help could arrive.

"We have done what the entire world was waiting for," he said immediately after his rescue.

"We had strength, we had spirit, we wanted to fight, we wanted to fight for our families, and that was the greatest thing."
Urzua made the 2,041-foot ascent in Phoenix, the rescue capsule, and emerged from a manhole-sized opening in the ground to a joyous celebration. The whole world celebrate with them too.
Mr President asked him to hug his family.
The family led a joyous crowd in singing the national anthem.

*We have read  The Miner's Diary From China. 
Now, the world is waiting for their diary to be read too.
48-year old electrician Victor Segova has kept a diary of life below. He was tasked with writing up a diary of the miners' 10-week ordeal.
He had asked those above to send down more pencils and paper. The  father of five had penned their story of survival - Which some already think will make for the perfect movie.
The life risking job they performed, all for the love of their family.

.

The Repayment

The Chinese lady, Doreen, asked me if my mother could make frequent visit to her church, where she volunteers, which is just behind my mother's block. She pitied Mariam who's now the only Malay, most of the time, for her mornings gathering since her husband's leg was amputated. There's nothing to fear, she said. Halal food is ordered from nearby stalls if any Muslims are around.

Mariam and her husband used to drop by the church daily around 10am where they have their breakfast, mingled with nearby elderly residents, mostly Chinese, who have their daily breakfast there too, engaging in talks, karaoke or games and leave after lunch, around 2pm.

"We must make our elders active and engaging." Doreen said enthusiastically.

Well, that's not my mother's kind of life. She likes being alone with visits from children, grand-children, friends and relatives. Although bell is ringing loud that the elderly should not be staying alone, she's not bothered at all. She has books - Many, many books as companion. She completed the Quran, too, every few weeks.

Time and again my nephew, a medic, would relate to her how he encountered numerous lonely elderly's deaths island-wide - She insisted she's all well.     

Work fatigue is a blessing in disguise for Doreen. She realised many things are missing in her life. She may have her condo and going to work in power-suits  but she did not want to leave this world on her director's chair without enjoying the fruit of her labour and sharing it with others.
She took a long leave searching her soul that was long lost in the corporate world. She came back as a new Doreen, highly spirited.

She said her opportunity to fine her Mr Right had sailed away. She missed the relationship-boat due to work commitment that had rob away her eligible age.
She sold her condo to stay with her brother, give a helping hand to look after her cousins in order to be near to children and is now a church volunteer organising events for those elderly, in repayment of being too tied up with work when her parents needed her most during their old age and worst still, she's not there on their death-bed.

That's the regret in her life that she will always bear on her shoulder.